Hey everyone, im in a little band write now, we're trying to get a few original songs going. I wrote some music last night and today wrote the lyrics to a song. Id like any and all feedback you guys have, positive (yay !) and negative ( ) i figure its called Save Me, but thats not for sure. oh, and think of it as a freeverse poem for now, because the timing to sing it along with my song is very strange, and it reads somewhat awkward if you try to put a tune to it. but the basic idea is, the verse is slow, each line said over a bar the is played twice, consisiting of two chords, then a single chord played for two bars with some adding on, then a really fast mutli chord chorus for 4 bars i believe... VERSE cold rain falls down as the earth cries out, to the people, of its land shadows mask onethousand scars from onethousand wars, fought over lines in the sand will somebody save me? brothers fight over rights to shared ideals, when will it end? empathetic feelings forgotten by the blind, pitting friend against friend will somebody save meeeee CHORUS But i know that ill be just fine on my own if i can just get a chance to save myself and i know that we'll learn to live without fear of our foes if only we get a chance to save ourselves nighttime falls as we lay here together and wait, for some sort of sign overcrowding the gates of hell heavens full, or atleast hard to find will somebody save me? they spread the rule and right of the land, without heeding to a word seeing eye for an eye through a broken lense, teaching what they cant learn will somebody save meeeee CHORUS cold rain falls down as the earth cries out, to the people, of its land shadows mask onethousand scars from onethousand wars, fought over lines in the sand will somebody save me? will somebody save me? so give me and ideas on what you think should be edited. the chorus is where i need the most, more emotional effective wording to be precise.
foes is a cheezy word. "will somebody save me?" sounds whiny, and doesnt fit the rest of the lyrics too well. other than that, good stuff
since i am in no way a song writer i have nothing to offer in terms of changing it really. I like how it sounded, in my mind anyways. I am with tdot tho, what kind of music is going to be with it? sometimes that can make all the difference. keep up the nice work
Yeah might need a bit of work but its got a cool feel to it. Let us hear it when your done good luck with the band.
You said the song was slow, in my head i was picthering it fast and it was cool haha. And im not a fan of rock (well, heavy metal, some death metal and some hardcore). But oh well, good luck with it man.