I'm 37 and female. I've been married for almost a year now and I'm sooo in love with my husband and we have a really good relationship ... but... I can't help getting little crushes on other guys. I have never cheated and I don't necessarily want these other guys, I just get these goofy little crushes. mostly on younger guys in their early 20's.
Think of it this way, does falling in love with someone immediately make everyone else unattractive? No, as long as our only looking and not touching, its natural.
I don't think being in love excludes you from finding other people physically attractive. It's just a part of our nature. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having innocent crushes, as long as they stay innocent. Fantasies aren't cheating. It's when those crushes/desires turn into actions into actions when a problem arises. So, I'd say you're probably ok.
People mistakenly believe that extra-curricular romantic inclinations should turn off like a faucet the instant one finds a partner to 'settle down with', but the reality is a lot more complicated. Having little crushes is entirely normal, but the problem with human nature is that we can't always make these little crushes stay as little crushes. I'm not saying it will happen to you, but you can't change emotions. What you can change is how you respond. If ever your do find yourself in a situation like that, society says you only have three choices: 1) Break up with your first partner 2) Cheat on your first partner with your new crush 3) Do nothing None of these address the complications that come up. For some people, falling into romantic love with one person does not mean they are out of love with pre-existing partners, instead they just love the new person also. People say this isn't possible, but parents do it all the time with their children. (Granted some parents/relatives have favourites, but they ideally try to make sure all the children get the love they want and need regardless.) So to address this, there is a 4th option that society doesn't want to talk about, but that more and more people are trying if they come to the conclusion that monogamy isn't working: consensual non-monogamy or polyamory. Basically, an honest, open relationship in which all partners are aware of what is going on and agree to the situation. I'm not going to launch into a whole spiel here, and I'm not saying your crushes will ever reach a point where you need to make a decision like this, but I wanted you to know that you have more choices out there, healthier, more honest choices, (not easy ones, though) than simply 'cheating' if you ever reach a point where you start to seriously think about doing so. This article is a great intro to polyamory for the curious.
