Girlfriend throwing a wrench in my gear.

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by ACole420, May 13, 2010.

  1. So I was chilling with my girl tonite hoping to have a fun night with her.

    So we were out getting some ice cream and she basically told me she is gonna leave me when she leaves for school in September. She said she wants to start fresh at school and doesnt think a distance relationship will work.

    First off she is only gonna be 45 mins away and she lives 30 mins away right now. Not much of a difference.

    So I was heated and as some of you might know is that im a recovering heroin addict. So I called my sponsor and he shed some light on the situation saying that I shouldnt stress the stuff I cant control. I need to make the decision tho to stay with her and enjoy the possible 4 months we have left or I need to leave her now.

    Idk what to do. Idk why she would leave me then. Why not now? Why not when I told you I was a heroin addict and crushed any trust you had in me? Why not stay with me when you leave and try to make it work and if it doesnt then it doesnt.

    Idk GC im confused. My mind is telling me to leave her now to save me the heartache but my heart wont let me do it.

    I guess Im coming on here to get some more advice. I aint gonna use over this shit tho. My sobriety means more to me than some girl that is gonna break my heart.
  2. #2 EseehC, May 13, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2010
    Listen to your mind, it knows you the best, better than your heart ever will

    If you stay with her the next 4 months your going to love her more than ever, in hopes that she sees just how much you love her, and when she leaves you will be broken
  3. #3 yellow bic, May 13, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2010
    i dont know what i would do with that situation man.

    i dont know if i could enjoy the last couple months with her knowing that she is leaving me in the very near future.

    also this is kinda off topic, but i thought you were addicted to oxycodone, not heroin? either way thats cool your sponsor is someone you can call in a situation like that. congrats on staying clean!
  4. I don't know man. It might save you some trouble in the long run if you leave her now. Give yourself appropriate time to get over it, you know? But it's also about what you feel you can take. If you would rather just get it in your head that she's leaving and then kick it with her until she leaves and keep it simple, do it. But if you feel like that's not possible and you're going to keep getting more and more attatched, do what you gotta do man. Cigarettes and coffee.

    Congrats on the sobriety man. How long do you have? I don't know if you hear this enough or if it even matters coming from me, but I'm proud of you dude. :)
  5. Hit it and quit it, but don't quit it until September.
  6. I can only speak from what you stated above. It sound like she is setting her self up to move on with her life when she goes to college...with that being said do you really want to be with someone that would drop you at the start of a new chapter in her life....I sure as hell wouldn't...what I have done in my experience it just laugh it off, regardless of how I felt...put on a facade and pretend like it doesn't bother you much at all...this will throw her for a loop and re-establish your worth in her eyes...if she is telling you this she has pretty much made her mind and the only this you can do is give her a huge mind f*ck and act completely unfazed. She will doubt your devotion to her and it will make her want you might not save anything but I would act indifferent and at the same time scalking back on the time you both spend together to pick up other women...good luck

  7. Man, if this girl makes you happy right now then stick with her. Cross that bridge when you get there. Admittidley, this might make it harder in the long run but if your hearts telling you to stick it out then no one here can predict the future for you.

    Follow your heart man, who knows what will happen.
  8. Just dump her now she doesn't want you in her future.
    Isn't that enough for you to just dump this chick and enjoy the single life?
  9. I was sniffing powder heroin for about a week before I realized I have gone to far. I say im a heroin addict because I know i would have never gone back to oxy. However thats in the past and I aint worried about it now. I can only focus on my recovery.

    Today is day 18 of all mind and mood altering substances :D

    To everyone else. I appreciate your replies. I still dont know what to do. I want to just stay with her and enjoy the possible 4 months we have left but I also feel like I now have to build a cage around my heart to prepare for the inevitable. That is not how a relationship is suppose to work.

    I guess Im so bent outta shape about this because this girl is my first true love ya kno. I really care about this girl deeply. Idk I think Im gonna play it by ear.

    Also she said easier said than done last night when talking about this. Like it easier for me to say it now than actually do it. She tried leaving me when I told her I was an addict but she said her heart couldnt bring herself to do it.
  10. Honestly, I would call it quits now and save the extra heartache later. Focus on your recovery dude.
  11. I've been in a somewhat similar situation.

    Of course you want to listen to your heart, but at least for me these next few months would be "cheapened" almost similar to that last week of school that you half-ass. Know what I mean?

    It'll get in your head and fuck with how you think, act, and feel.

    My advice would be to start pulling back your chips. It doesn't have to be overnight because thats tough to do, but start the process both physically and mentally to close this chapter and focus on yourself for the next one.
  12. I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend because I go to university, so I'm about 2 and a half hours away from her. I still go down to see her at weekends though and even if it's sometimes difficult for the both of us our relationship is still strong.
    If she cares about you as deeply as she says she does then she should be able to see that 45 minutes is hardly a long distance. I think you need to straight-up ask her if she's using this reason as an excuse and if she really just wants to leave you and go out with somebody new.

    Sorry for your troubles, man. I hope everything works out for you either way.
  13. Er, this right here has me seriously confused...

    She claims that her heart wouldn't let her leave you over something like finding out about a heroin addiction problem, but her going "away"(45 minutes away isn't away) to college somehow is enough for her to leave? WTF?

    Something has happened here, and it's either something you're either not admitting to, or are possibly unaware of, in your relationship with her.

    Tough call my friend, but to be honest, I'm just happy to hear that you still respect your sobriety above all. Gotta look out for #1 first sometimes.

    Good luck with it. I sincerely wish you the best with ALL of this. I do have to give her some credit here, at least she is being honest and upfront with you. I'd much rather have this then you find out a year from now she's been dating other people behind your back or worse.
  14. A lot can change in four months. If you like her that much, stick it out and see what happens.
  15. Just leave her now.

    She's already made it up that she doesn't want you in her future, so just drop it and move on.

    It's not worth clinging onto something for 4 months when you know it's going to end.

    She's too immature for a real relationship, anyway.
  16. +1

    (I need 5 "characters")
  17. She obviously wants to live her life the way she wants it and you don't fit the bill. She probably wants to be free, to explore. (basically, she wants to be a whore and enjoy the whore life) or she possibly think you're holding her back.

    What you should do is not let it show that it bugs you and just stay with her for now and show her what she'll be missing?

    Don't show her that you're getting upset and crazy over it, it will make it easier for her to leave. Do your best, absolute best, and perhaps she'll realize she fucked up. Hopefully by then you would have already moved on.

    What you should do now is start accepting that she's a loss already. Time for you to put that game face on.
  18. cheat on her, while still fucking her until she either a. leaves for school or b. dumps you for cheating
  19. Some members on GC are just not cut out to give advice :rolleyes: but most of you gave some solid advice.

    I still dont know what to do. Im more confused now then ever and the only way I know how to fix this is to go out and cop some heroin and just nod the pain away. Im not going to becuase I know it wont solve anything. It hasnt in the past and it wont now.

    I think Im gonna start pulling back emotionally tho. Idk how to tho because everytime I see her everything is fine. She makes me happy. We just enjoy eachothers company whether or not sex is involved.

    And to me maybe thats why Im so attached because I did lose my virginity to this girl and I understand that there are plenty of other girls out there but I dont want the other girls I want her.

    Idk I have been this confused since I realized I was a drug addict and even then I knew what needed to be done.

    I just feel like we broke up already. You know that feeling when a relationship ends? Well yea thats how I feel right now.

    FML and the crazy thoughts I get all the time.
  20. If I'd been told that, I would seriously question the girls feelings for me. It seems pointless to continue the relationship at my point, to me anyway.

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