I I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, it's been the ideal relationship. She's 22 and I'm 18, she was dating a dude that was 28 before me. I was a virgin before I met her. I knew she had been with 2 other guys and the first was when she was 15. That never bothered me or anything. Then just recently she tells me she had an abortion when she was 15. I was more pissed that it took her almost a year to tell me but now I can't really get over it, I don't mean to offend anyone, but I know how I usually felt about 15 year olds getting pregnant an having abortions, and i never thought Id date a girl like that. I don't even wanna tell anyone I actually know because I'm kinda embarrassed about it(which I know I shouldn't be)
So she had an abortion when she was 15, you started dating when she was 21..and you think she has only fucked 1 other dude(besides the first) in a 6 year span... It took her a year to tell you this, I wouldn't trust her. Then again, really trusting anyone is a mistake.
Well think of her situation, maybe she's ashamed to tell you? It's not an easy issue, think about both sides. I had an ex who's had an abortion, big deal. I respect her for not bringing an unwanted child into the world, Despite the bad mistake of not using birth control in the first place.
She sounds like one of my ex's...next thing you know she's going to become a stripper and run off with her 40yr old crack dealer
Your last comment is the important one (although the rest plays into it). There is absolutely no reason to tell anyone you know, that would be her decision. I am fairly certain that it is not something she is proud of and that it took a lot of thought to come to that conclusion. She likely had external pressures also. As you have seen from your relationship with her, there is nothing wrong with her. She probably already knew your opinions of the act and it took a lot of love and courage on her part to tell you. Get over your repulsiveness of the act and embrace the one that cares for you. Much the same as you would want someone that disagrees with Toking, that later found out that you toke, to accept you for who you really are.
Think of it this way: If she hadnt gotten an abortion she would have a kid right now, and most likely NOT dating you. Consider yourself lucky.
As the pregnancy was the result of statutory rape-did the 28 year old father pressure her into it to avoid "evidence"?
Like earlier poster said, do you think you would have been attracted to her if she had a 7 yo kid with her? I think she shows a lot of maturity, and you should realize how hard it probably was for her to get it and then tell you...give her a break.
Why would you even care that she had a abortion 7 years before she met you? just wondering.. i mean unless you're religious & all. but yeah, business like that shouldn't be told to anyone anyways, since it really doesn't concern them or their business in the first place. you' guys are surely doing alright, since it took her a year & a half to tell you. Don't let it change anything. Be with her for who she is && the reason why you fell for her. you're good man.
I see where your all coming from and you make good points, I was in no way thinking of breaking up or anything. It just kinda sits in my head. I'm glad you pointed out the fact of "what if she had the kid" cuz I never thought of that before. And no she wasn't 15 dating a 28 year old, the guy that was 28 didn't come till long after the abortion. I do consider myself lucky but it also bothers me that she has been through all that, plus hooked up with numerous other guys(not fucked but screwed around with) and I never did anything with my previous girlfriends or anyone. It just sucks thinking about her with all those other guys when I haven't been with other girls (maybe I'm selfish or something?)
Leave the past in the past man. She's not with those guys anymore and they're so old news. Just focus on the now/future and you'll be happier.
We're all unconsciously selfish man, the egotistical nature of our minds dictates so. We have to consciously tell ourselves to be selfless (which is virtually impossible). Think of every moment you experience with her as the ONLY moment that has ever existed. Thinking about who she's been with, or who she may be with in the future is simply distracting you from the moment, taking you away from fully enjoying the time you have together.... and realistically you have no idea how long that could be. You could get married and spend the rest of your life together or break up tonight.... who knows. The only thing for sure is the present moment, and you might as well enjoy it while you can.
Thanks for the advice guys, feel a bit better about that now lol, I guess no relationship is prefect right?
That is why it is so important to learn the art of compromise, both with yourself and your partner/people you care for. Best to you both.
Me, personally, would definitely consider letting her know how I feel, would I leave her? No but I would make it clear that if she doesnt tell me important things it will break us apart. Now if she aborted my kid, we would have some very big problems, and I mean a f'ing huge problem
OP, Are you concerned about what may happen if she gets pregnant now? It sounds like maybe you need to have a little heart to heart about that. Abortion is a tough subject for guys as well as girls. If your girlfriend gets pregnant and decides she's getting an abortion over your objections, you don't get a say.
I'm not concerned about if i get her pregnant, then we're getting an abortion, we already discussed that, we talked about it plenty of times already.
i personally don't understand WHY she'd tell you this in the first place. nothing to do with you, none of your business or concern. Dumb move on her part telling you this. maybe years down the line she would've for whatever reason, and you wouldn't care. now you have some sort of shame about HER getting an abortion. you shouldn't bat an eye, honestly.
