Yes this is probably a similar story to some, but read and maybe offer some advice anyways So I've been dating this girl for 8 months now. She is from the next town over, and I worked with her last summer. Come to find out she was transferring from a near by college to mine. So we hit it off the first week and didn't really look back. First 4 months I smoked here and there on the weekends like it wasn't a big deal. And it wasn't. She told me she smoked a few times at her previous school, and we smoked I would say 6-8 times together over the semester. Again it wasn't ever a problem. About the 5th month in I got a half 0 that I rationed for 4 months. Really I don't smoke much, an 1/8 a month or so. So seeing that pickup one night made her wonder, and it didn't help that we proceeded to get hella stoned off Afgan goo, making us both pretty paranoid and just too high. It wasn't a good experience, and she hasn't smoked since then. This would be like late January. We talked and she wanted me to stop smoking, her reasons were: it's illegal, her dad and mom divorced cuz he kept smoking, she didn't like it, and just typical myths that any non-smoker believes from DARE and shit. Me being the retard, thought I really could quit. I did for almost a month. But having still alot of weed I smoked it in secrecy and just here and there. She asked me if I smoked at a concert I went to and I told her yes, because I did and didn't want to keep living a lie. Well that didn't go over well, and ever since then we have had just bad cycles of breaking up/fixing it. I thought this last go round we were maybe more trusting, but this girl is just very insecure with everything around her, and that's not how I am. I had that shit growing up, but I've moved on from caring what people think about me, not that I'm not a nice person. I give to many, and am friends with a wide variety of people. So yeah she's got some issues lol. But the making of this thread was based on a text I got tonight. Haha and here's the kicker, I've told her that I haven't smoked since whenever back in February. Which really I have. I hate hiding it, it's hard, and it just gives her another reason not trust me, even though I've never cheated on her except with mary jane. The text was about if she could trust me tonight. And I was like trust about what? I get back "The whole smoking issue". I don't think I want to ruin this summer, it's my last one before I graduate college next fall. I think it's even more fucked because I'm doing my first grow this summer too I showed her the union not too long ago, and she said she changed some views, but still it's obviously an issue with her. So yeah, should I just break up with this girl because she's bringing me down? It's not fair that I lie to her, but I'm a great bf to her otherwise. It's hard but I never wanted to break up with a girl over weed, but it's immanent. I think this cycle is just going to keep rolling. GC. wtf is a good guy to do? ps. my semester is over and I've been ripping some Norther Lights, longboarding, and tonight I'm getting drunk with my friends. And she still has a final tomorrow.
Lol I was in this situation not that long ago I was verry upfront about it to my girl. I was like "I'm not quitting and I don't like the fact that everyone in my life is trying to make decisions for me. I want you in my future but I also want to enjoy my future and if your not willing to let me then we're not going to work. And yeah now it's not an issue. If she's not understanding then she's not really giving a shit about your views or decisions and is preventing you from being happy then chuck her.
Dood, its your last summer? Do you want to ruin it trying to fix an on again/off again relationship? or you wanna spend it safely growing (without worrying about her getting mad and snitching) and blazing on dank nugs, enjoying life? think about it...
I think the best thing to do in this situation is to maintain (if you are not already) vaporizing... also to address issues in your relationship which she might be using your habit to scapegoat/blame for. Use the powers of weed to help you become a better person and more sensitive to her needs! Also, if you ever vaporize together, understand that ganja always heightens a person's senses, including their sense of safety, security and paranoia. You must always make her feel comfortable and that she's not stuck in the same old structures and routines that, under cannabis, can become frustrating and frightening all the more. If you can do these things, work the issues out and show greater compassion, then, on the contrary, she should not only be accepting to your useage, but also participate in it and it should bring you closer. Don't miss the opportunity, for few of us have it.
I've been addressing issues for the past 3 months man, just endless shit. No matter what I do I have to question it, and I hate that. I'm not one to second guess myself, even on simple activities I do. Everybody here will pretty much agree with me, but blazing a little isn't going to screw up your life, especially when I've got shit rolling with college, jobs, my family, good friends, ect.. I'm super laid back as it is without weed, and don't let little things bother me. She was bothering me. I've never been the one to break up with her, she has always broke up with me. I met up with her when I was downtown last night getting drunk and just told her that she was right it's not working out and we need to break up. So fuck it, fuck her, I'm going to take care of myself and live life. "Bitches they come they go..."
Well, there you go man. I really can't say if you made the right decision or not, as the only person who can really call that is you. However, I do believe that when you truly accept someone, you accept all of them, the good and the bad. If she can't accept you for who you are and what you enjoy, then oh well. That being said, I can understand a spouse or a GF being concerned for your safety or the legal issues around it, but when you're careful with the legal stuff and learn to use in moderation(which it sounds like you do), then there are really no arguments that can be held with any level of validity if you basically treat and use weed with the same respect as alcohol. Damn, I really hope it becomes at least decriminalized on a wide scale so we can minimize the arguments against us pot smokers in the future. Good luck man, in whatever the future brings you. From the sounds of it, you'll be a happy camper with your own grow op going...
Man, I hate it when people rag on weed and being high. It's not like you life is going down the drain because you inhale some smoke. Good riddance, imo.
My exhusband made me quite smoking when we got married, and it was a serious point of contention. Smoking is a lifestyle choice. It's a personal trait, if you will. Telling you to quit smoking is like telling a Hunter to stop hunting, or telling a vegan you'll break up with them if they don't eat a steak. If you don't want to stop smoking then she either needs to deal with it, or you need to break up. If you unwillingly quite then you are going to resent her for it in the long run. I know I resented my ex-husband, especially when we would hang out with people who were smoking and he wouldn't allow me to.
Your explanation about a lifestyle choice and the comparisons made here are probably one of the best examples I've ever heard. +rep to you. Sucks you had to go through all that with your ex.
In a legitimate relationship, either partners have to make compromises from time to time. Be a man, if you want to smoke weed but your girl doesn't like it, then bring up something she does that you don't like. Level that playing field, brother.
If she isn't happy with who you are, she needs to go elsewhere. It sounds like you are a pretty responsible user, but she is being all hella dramatic probably because of her parents' history. I would get out.
Get one last fuck out of her, then right after you're done light up a blunt. If she says anything, tell her you love smoking and if she has a problem with that, she can get the fuck out. Move on
Just keep it going. when i was selling shit and smoking i told my girl i didn't do shit. she found a quarter in my pocket one damn gettin frisky, the next day i got served with a search warrant, wasn't from her tho, but she was pretty pissed when i call her from jail.
Well she would get pukey drunk in my bed, so I told her to knock that off. The other part of the story is that she is a bartender so it's just retarded that she get's people really drunk, over-serve them, and she can drink on the job. The rest of the bartenders are townies that get drunk all the time so yeah. I've tried, even being like hey why can't I smoke and just not do it around her. I keep my grades in check, took 18 credits this semester, 3A's and 3B's it's not like I'm irresponsible. Yeah I got a bong, yeah I like to roll joints, and I'm going to enjoy it while I still can. I don't do crazy. She's just very insecure, and feels the need to be accepted from everyone around her. She does this by tanning alot, makeup constantly, designer clothes, Coach bags, shoes, a brand new car, whatever she is pretty much not the person I thought she was. I keep life simple and stress free, while she revolves around being always on the go and stressing about everything. Fuck that, life is too short. I'll be stronger because I'm going home for the summer and can be around my family, my little bro who is now 18 and graduated so we can party it up. I know that I need to find a much simpler girl the next time around. But I don't plan dating for awhile.
A few key things that jump out at me: So seeing that pickup one night made her wonder, and it didn't help that we proceeded to get hella stoned off Afgan goo, making us both pretty paranoid and just too high. It wasn't a good experience, and she hasn't smoked since then. But having still alot of weed I smoked it in secrecy and just here and there. ever since then we have had just bad cycles of breaking up/fixing it. this girl is just very insecure with everything around her, and that's not how I am. So yeah she's got some issues lol. I've told her that I haven't smoked since whenever back in February. Which really I have. I hate hiding it, it's hard, and it just gives her another reason not trust me, even though I've never cheated on her except with mary jane. still it's obviously an issue with her. So yeah, should I just break up with this girl because she's bringing me down? It's not fair that I lie to her, but I'm a great bf to her otherwise. It's hard but I never wanted to break up with a girl over weed, but it's immanent. I think this cycle is just going to keep rolling. I think you've almost answered this problem for yourself: 1. She had a bad experience. She is unlikely to change her mind, as you've pointed out, she's using the "DARE" arguments you mentioned earlier. Also, if her family had issues over weed, this is a huge, huge red flag. 2. You're having to smoke in secrecy. The point of having a girlfriend is either a) to smoke with her or b) to have a girlfriend who is cool with you smoking even if she doesn't 3. You've had bad cycles of breaking up and making up. Is it even fun anymore? 4. She's insecure. Fuck that shit. 5. You hate hiding your smoking. It's difficult, and you don't like to lie to her. You are a good guy, who realizes this girl can't be reasoned with as to why you smoke - so - you hide it. BAD. 6. It's still an issue. Again, she's not going to change her mind. 7. You said it: You're a great boyfriend. She's bringing you down. Alright well...looking at all of that...just weigh the pros and cons. Is she rational enough to be reasoned with? Can she respect you for smoking? Are you willing to give up smoking for this one girl? And most importantly...are you even having fun anymore?! I say ditch this broad and go find yourself a stable, secure woman who loves to smoke. Problem solved. Besides, you're not going to marry this girl or anything, so chalk it up to life experience and move on.
my gf is exactly like that, with her parents and everything. i stopped for about 4 months. then wen she cheated on me kinda (she gave a guy head for a minute then stopped and started crying and she told me). but ya, now i smoke evry day and lie to her about it. i kno its bad to lie to her about all of it, but i deserve to smoke weed since she did that to me. so its jus my way of forgivin her. id say think about it, if u love her jus stop and say u stopped and dont tell her about smoking. if u dont love her, then go ahead and keep smokin and lyin. its up to u, do wut ur heart says.
and #3 and 4, couldn't have put it better myself...come to think of it...you mighta just answered my relationship issues too! haha nice.
