GC MEN - Mental hurdles in bed after a dry spell

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by portfool2332, May 10, 2016.

  1. What's up, GC?

    It's pretty embarrassing but for the first time I went limp in bed with a girl I've been dating recently. I feared it might happened only because it was really concerning me leading up to it and during but it would be good to hear some encouraging words of wisdom from other GC members if they've had similar situations happen. I haven't had sex in a long time by choice (I've had one night stand opportunities but it's just not me to do that) and I'd be lying if I said lasting long enough wasn't a real concern. Things between the girl obviously got awkward but we talked it out and agreed we would just try again at a later time since we do genuinely dig each-other. I know it's just a matter of not worrying about it and enjoying the moment but damn it's been a while and as a stupid as it sound the last thing I want as a guy is to be pathetic in bed.
  2. are you from italy?
  3. I've never had an issue due to anxiety or pressure so I prob wont be much help. It's only happened a few times and it was due to excessive masturbation + lack of exercise + bad diet (in combination with getting older 30+). If those aren't an issue for you the only other suggestion I have is Tribulus Terrestris, it's a plant/fruit. You can stack it with Longjack (Tongkat Ali).
  4. Let her know that you're into her but that's it's been awhile and you're nervous. Tell her you might need her to suck you hard sometimes.
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  5. There are a billion reasons a dude can go limp. Mainstream society doesn't know this enough or doesn't care enough about it, so it's mostly laughed off.
    Chick can't get wet? His fault, didn't get her excited enough. He can't get hard? His fault, his penis is broken. Men are doomed in this nonsense the way society handles it.

    I'm in better shape than the average guy and never had any issues in that department. I was also dating a chick I was ridiculously attracted to. Sex life was 9.5 / 10
    Then I switched jobs to a place I ended up hating. It really affected me badly. I was playing office games 8 hours per day instead of progressing in a career and the bad job kept turning worse. It really got me down, and one time (ONLY ONE TIME!!!) I couldn't get the full salute. I was about 28 at the time, in great shape and had an active sex life, but when the mind is messed up for whatever reason, it's easy not to get to full mast.

    So don't get down on yourself too hard. Modern society has this idea that men need to be iron dick terminators 24/7, always ready to fuck for hours, or they're somehow lacking. This is of course bs. You are aroused when you are aroused. If not, then not. That is ok. There will be other battles.
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  6. I'm not a guy but to be honest, if you've got a decent connection with the woman and she's a quality woman, you'll be able to talk this stuff out and try again. Sex in real relationships is rarely like it is in the movies and a lot of the time, the first few times, will not be "perfect." Porn and movie sex scenes don't tend to be realistic in terms of what sex is like, and nobody ever sees the outtakes!

    It takes a while to build up comfort with each other, and to learn each other's bodies. If she's a good woman (and experienced - it's too bad so many people see experience in a woman as a BAD thing) - she'll be understanding about it, won't laugh at you, and won't make you feel bad. If she's experienced, then she'll know that it happens to most guys at some point, and the first time with a new partner is rarely "perfect." If she's not understanding, laughs at you, or makes you feel bad... well... she's not a good woman.

    100% of everything should not be on the guy, let alone on any one person.

    Don't try to "make" it happen, just go with the flow and let nature take its course (but keep protection around just in case). You should even be getting to know each other's bodies (and privates!) really well before jumping to intercourse. What's with the kids these days, just sticking it right in? Doesn't anyone hit the bases anymore??
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  7. :hello:

    My wife is ten years my junior, and up until meeting me she'd never even received oral sex and her groping experience was terribly lacking! (lol)
    Apparently she'd had a few rounds of straight up in-and-out, IE: college/white frat guy-style. :roflmao:

    I blame internet porn for (mis)educating Millennials into thinking that its all about self-service and treating your partner(s) like little more than sentient orifices.
  8. Thanks, Orb and Oni. Both responses were encouraging to read.

    We've gotten to know each other pretty well and have taken things on the slow side. But anyways, yeah...I just need to get my head back on straight and stop thinking so damn much about how long it's been. I've been stressed the last couple weeks on top of it, as well, between work and school and midterms. I just sent in a late midterm and am worried about a financial midterm I have on Thursday. Who knows, probably need a vacation of some sort. haha.
  9. I'm a fan of what internet porn offers to millennials. I'm all for guys completely owning their urges before approaching chicks. Too many a poor lad entered too many a conversation with a fully loaded gun. Men need to remove horniness from their mind before making life decisions and anything that gets them there I'm all for.
  10. 95% of the time I am watching amateur porn. Don't most guys agree it's way better?
  11. #13 Oni~, May 10, 2016
    Last edited: May 11, 2016
    I'd say most will be comprised out of a mixture of fetishes. Meaning, guys who are into black chicks + guys who are into milfs + guys who are into Hentai + guys who are into amateurs , will always = more than guys into any one fetish in particular.
  12. Dang. That's a lot of stress right there! I'm surprised anyone could get their sexual motor running with all of that going on. Yeah. Just, how about taking the pressure off? Plan some relaxing dates... give each other back rubs, try to have some low stress fun... let the sex happen when it wants to.
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  13. Chaturbate if you don't know.

    Havent been to a tube site in months.
  14. Wow what??

  15. Good idea, Orb. I was thinking of asking her out to lunch by the waterfront and enjoying some lunch from the nearby Saturday Market area but it appears the good weather we've been having recently isn't going to last to the weekend so something else will have to do but we are hanging out on Sunday.

    We're on good terms. She was actually real cool about it....she was more concerned if it was her and if I just wasn't that into her. Once midterms are done and I have some time to relax and forget about what happened I will be fine.
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  17. Try not to let it get to you. If you go limp, then go down on her until you get boned up again or until she begs you to stop tonguing her....whichever comes first. Understand too, that just because you get soft doesn't mean that you aren't enjoying things. It doesn't mean your partner isn't doing a good job either. Take it as an opportunity to try out some different sex things. Toys, food, fabrics, feathers....whatever. Explore each other's kinks with open minds. Don't stress about it and don't over think.

    Sent from my SM-G530W using Grasscity Forum mobile app

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