alright, this was going to be one of those posts i type out and end up not posting but here it goes. backstory: i met this girl about 2 years ago on facebook. we started talking a lot since the day we met, and i mean like, every chance i could get i'd grab my phone to reply to a text from her which was inevitably always there. somehow we managed to get really close and eventually we committed to each other a few months later. there are a few things about our relationship that i should point out. she is 4 years older than me (24), and she lives/has lived a completely different lifestyle than me. she's just been through a lot of rough times and has a different view on how to handle life's serious demands. i'm not arguing that my way is the right way, if anything that's what i'm confused about. we are EXACT opposites, yet we attracted each other so strongly and fell deeply in love (gay? gtfo.) so, what's going on now. in november she found out she was pregnant. i was really hoping, and subconsciously just expecting that she would not decide to keep the baby. i figured she'd realize it's not the best time. and i wouldn't say she's financially capable of being a parent either, otherwise i think she would be a great mom and i couldn't think of anyone better to help raise my child. at this point i was really pushing for adoption. she said she wanted to keep it. i really didn't know what to do or think at this point, i'm 20 and i'm going to be a father. we'd constantly argue over this whole situation, she just couldn't see it my way and i couldn't see the situation through her eyes. neither of our philosophies made sense to the other person. things were like this for a few months. i told her that i'm not prioritizing my life based off of importance, i'm trying to just do things the logical way. and for me that would be finishing school, so i can secure a job and THEN we can see where we are in our relationship. i feel like we skipped a bunch of steps and it would be irresponsible for me to seriously consider raising a kid at this point of my life. she's angry i won't see it her way. she says she believes we are soul mates and were meant to be, so she sees me making a huge mistake which frustrates her. basically...what it comes down to is school vs having a baby at 20. if i don't come through, she's moving to ny with her parents so they can help her take care of the baby. at this point she'll demand financial help and eventually probably find another guy. but at the same time i don't blame her for not wanting to "wait" for me. i never wanted her to wait though, i just wish she would realize it's not the right time for either of us to have a baby. so gc, what are your thoughts. i need some sort of input, anything really. thanks bladies and blades.
Sounds like you knocked a chick up and won't take responsibility for it. You got a girl pregnant man. YOU have a kid coming whether your ready for it or not. Now man the fuck up and deal with your situation, whether its ideal or not. If your house burned to the ground would you say nah it's all good, I still got a house and set up a tent on the ashes? Or would you get out there and find a new house? This kids your new house.
One way or another she's gonna get that child support, so you might as well stay with here take care of your kid
The baby is coming, one way or another; if it were me, i'd do everything possible to stay in school, and try and pay for the kid at the same time... Worst case scenario, you're going to end up paying child support for a child that you don't get to see, if the mother moves to NY, so it's a good plan to try and make the best of the situation. Good luck...
Gonna take a different stance. I'd let the girl move to ny. Finish college and get a good job. Come back into your kids life when he is older and you can show that you've made the best of a bad situation
I don't really understand why you can't finish and be with your kid? I mean your 20 so you only have like what? A year left? I feel like its pretty simple. She's having this baby, you can decide to go and live your life and do your thing or you can be with her and your child. Either way she's getting support and if you really love her like you say then I think you should make it work. Not just for your relationship, but for your kid. I had my kid when I was 15 man. I finished school, and I'm in college. Her dad left so my mom and my brother help me out by watching her while I'm at school. If a teenager can do it then I think a 20 year old and a 24 year old can too. I think the real problem is you're scared. Its normal, but now is your chance to grow up and do the right thing.
don't bail. you knocked your girlfriend up, and as said, need to man the fuck up. your time for being selfish is over, you are about to be someone's dad. whether you wanted it or not isn't really a consideration anymore because it's happening, and whatever goes on between you and this girl cannot be your main focus anymore. get some support from your family or friends and make it a priority to stay in this kids life. be a person someone would be proud to have as their dad, just face your reality and deal with it like the man you know you can be
i feel like you need to look at this situation from more of your girlfriends point of view OP, when you say "i just wish she would realize its it's not the right time to have a baby" i don't wanna sound rude, but its too late now to try to have that conversation with her, she is having a baby one way or another. unless she is still keeping abortion as an option but out of what you've said about her makes it seem like she would be definitely against it. adoption sounds a lot easier than it actually is, imagine carrying someone with you all the time, and taking care of them for almost a year and them being a part of you and someone you love, and then just giving it up? i feel like adoption just really goes against your girlfriends morals since you've said she's been through a lot in her life. idk anything for sure though, and i really hope everything works out for you OP
I feel your pain, OP. I mean, I understand your sense of panic.... But you should have thought about that BEFORE you got her pregnant. The thing about life is, you make decisions and then you deal with the consequences, good or bad. I agree with you. She should have an abortion. That said, I had my son at 24. I was the one who didn't want the baby, but my son's dad was a master at mind-fucking and manipulation. I'm 28 now. I've been a single parent for two years. He promised me the moon and left me with an empty bank account, with little more than my clothes in garbage bags, and drove off in the car I paid for... It's so easy to say what you're going to do if and when...words, words, and more words... Actions are something entirely different. I would never, ever, wish my son away, but I wish I would have been strong enough to trust myself. Unfortunately, at this point, it's too late. You made your proverbial bed. Now you have to lie in it. Life's a bitch, man, and it's going to require a lot of sacrifices on both you and your girlfriend's part to be responsible parents. If I might suggest some kind of family-oriented therapy, maybe parenting classes? There is so much potential for unprepared parents to fuck their kids up, which isn't really fair.
Dude you better not leave the kid, i never had a dad and honestly if i met him right now, i would straight up punch him as hard as i can in the face and probably kick him in the balls too, it's not cool to leave your kid. You got a girl pregnant, take responsibility for it man, whether you like it or not, that kid is your kid... Hes got half your genes man... If i were you, i would tell my family, let them know, and maybe they can even help support you. Step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be, and face whatever obstacles come in your way.
well i have been talking to her lately and i think this is just something i need to do. for myself, her, and the baby. i have to do the right thing and take it as a life lesson. this will be a real eye opening experience for me, i hope. she's still planning on moving to ny but she says we will see where we are a year from now. there are some things i need to work on myself before i commit to this. and my family already knows, they're mostly just leaving it up to me to decide what to do. i'm not going to say that i have bad parents or that they don't care. i think they've just given up on me because whenever they (or anyone) try to help me out, i always end up not doing my part or meeting them halfway and just fucking it all up. i'm sick of fucking things up so i need to do this whether i like it or not.
[quote name='"lazyy"']well i have been talking to her lately and i think this is just something i need to do. for myself, her, and the baby. i have to do the right thing and take it as a life lesson. this will be a real eye opening experience for me, i hope. she's still planning on moving to ny but she says we will see where we are a year from now. there are some things i need to work on myself before i commit to this. and my family already knows, they're mostly just leaving it up to me to decide what to do. i'm not going to say that i have bad parents or that they don't care. i think they've just given up on me because whenever they (or anyone) try to help me out, i always end up not doing my part or meeting them halfway and just fucking it all up. i'm sick of fucking things up so i need to do this whether i like it or not.[/quote] You suck.
[quote name='"lazyy"']why do i suck? for going through with it?[/quote] If I misunderstood, I apologize. Remember it's a mj forum and I'm medicated. I thought you are going to work on you while she births your child??
it seems as though last time we talked she's already decided on moving, she's just not setting any expectations for me anymore because she doesn't trust i can live up to them. even if i wanted to move in with her right now she wants some time to herself for a little bit and she says i need a little bit to work on myself. i'm hoping in a few months i can prove to her that i care and that i'm ready so we can do this together. i feel shitty for letting it take me this long to realize, but i guess we all learn from experience.
You could try to convince her that you are in it for the long haul. I think that is us girls biggest fear..that we will depend on a guy to be around and raise their baby then one day they up and leave.