my mom was cleaning my room and a few hours later I come in and she shows me a couple seeds in her hand Mom: what the hell is this, do you smoke? Me: when im on fire! years later my mom bought hemp seeds at a market and puts them on my desk to try some i was like wtf!! how did those get there. my mom tells me their called hemp seeds and they taste awesome and they're really good for you. but she had no idea they had any relationship to weed. I feel like my mom gets stupider over time.
After coming in from a long walk with my 2 buddies while talking to Uncle Sid we were a bit loud and woke up my mom. this is how the convo went verbatim Mom: Where were you guys? Me: Just took a walk on East Ave for some exercise Mom: you boys were talking loud about tampering with the fabric of time Me: yeh? Mom: Are you on something? Me: We just smoked a big blunt and a big joint, the most we've ever smoked at one time. Mom: Just keep it down
For some reason this really got to me lol. I'm lolling at it still. I imagined like you walking away waving your arms and shit, kind of like Zoidberg in futurama lol. I'm still cracking up as I'm typing lololol.
Kinda long but it's hilarious, i split it up into blocks to make it reader friendly I came home pretty high one night, and expected my mom to be asleep... she wasn't.. mom - "hey how's it goin?" (as she looks through clothes catalogues) me - "ahh... uhh good i guess" as i walk by and stand there lookin for food, not paying any attention) mom - "well thats good." me - I was super confused like i missed a whole part of the conversation "whats good?" mom - "well"...(looks up and says hesitantly) "that you're doing good"... "are you high or something?" me - "both." then I dart past her, bowl of cereal in hand (w/ milk. no spill.) and up the stairs mom - "what?" me - "g'night." as i walk down the hallway to my room mom - "wait just a minute, get back here!" I totally thought i was busted, I walked back down the hallway to the top of the stairs and look down on her in the living room. She pauses, and then holds up the pipe i've been keeping in the garage, and my grinder!!! My heart sank. mom - "i've been trying to get high all night cause i can't sleep and it's not working, idk why nothing is happening" I look past her onto the coffee table and sees that she has my entire seed bag from my stash can, and they're all over the coffee table.. I shake my head in disgust.. me - "you don't smoke the seeds"
Yes i know, sad (stoned as shiiit) Me: Walks down my stairs and hits my sisters friend on accident and I just start laughing like shit... Sisters friend: FUCK YOU! Me: OK!!! Sisters friend: Eww thats nasty Me: Then why'd you suggest it? Sisters friend: walks away
Okay so I got a good one. I was smoking with my home boys and my parents came home and we were chillin on the couch. Mom: Why are there weed seeds all over the table? Me: Cause bitches aint shit but hoes n tricks. Ehh? ehh? a twist. Anyways a real one, but dealing with my sister not my parents We share a 2 part bathroom: there's an area with a shower/toilet, then there's an area where our doors/sinks are. And apparently I didn't lock my sisters door because I walked out of the shower and into the sink part of the bathroom wearing a robe, listening to music, and carrying my bong, weed, and a lighter (like 11 at night) and she looks at me and is like "what are you doing?" and I was like "I am high as shit" she just stared at me and said "you are stupid" and I proceeded to jump and say "pip pip cheerio!" then go into a huge techno dance mode. It was epic.
mom: "why don't you stop rolling your trucks and cut the grass!" dad: "I think you mean why don't you stop rolling grass and wrecking your trucks" I just walk away. haha
talking about my 19th birthday cake (my moms friend bought it over) and it said "happy birthday seanie" and looked like it was for a four year old, so i said, "in stead of 'happy birthday seanie' next time just get it to say 'bluntz'" me "hey mom, buy weed" mom "fuuuuuckkk youuuu" me "fuuuuccckkkk youuuuu" mom "fuuuuccckkk aaaffffff" (then i just started to pretend like i was jerking off the air, and she followed) mom "k ill call my guy" me "goodnight, you faggot" mom "homo"
Mom: What's the fuck's that smell? Mom's Asshole Boyfriend: Probably all the pot Vince is smoking. Me: Fuck you pussy. Mom: HEY! Me: Not my fault he's a pussy Funny part is, that actually ended the conversation about the weed.
Oh man. I got one but it was my freinds mom. We were smoking in his house. Me: Holy shit look at all these roaches on the ground. Freind's mom: (walks in room) and looks around Me: BUSTED Freinds mom: YOURE DAMN RIGHT YOUR BUSTED. SMOKING THAT SHITTY BLUNT. THATS THE WORST BLUNT ROLLING IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. (Breaks blunt open and gets a sexy ass bowl out of her purse). Have fun Little *****s. (leaves) Me: I Love You
Im high as fuck sitting on the couch in my room with the new kid cudi CD on Mom walks in and talks to me for a few seconds before going: Mom: Whatre you high? Me: naw, im just trying to beat gravity and float Mom: keep trying. (leaves)
Mom - "first weed then mushrooms what are you going to do next? Coke?" me - "oh yeah i tried that last weekend too"
If I called my mom a bitch and got money the blackhole up my ass would suck the world up and warp our dimension into a new time space continuum.
Mom: I can smell something in your room, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Me: It's okay I'm just doing some yoga Mom: Are you sure?? Because it smells like something is smoking (yes she speaks like that) Me: that's just me mom, I'm on fire! Mom: No, I don't think so, I think you're smoking something. Open this door NOW! Me: FUCK YOU MOM! and then I woke up
Haha I do that all the time. I say I'm going out and my mom will be like "or so your going out to a party to smoke and drink?" and I just say yeah I am then she laughs and I leave and go to a party ^_^