Funny Ass Stories

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by TwOgUnZzUp69069, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. Any one got any funny ass stories to throw up?????
  2. One time i came home and got really baked by myself as it was pretty late and I didnt feel like going out. I decided for some reason that it would be cool to shower with the lights off... I got out of the shower and i was like ankle deep in water... I took like 5 towels and cleaned the water up than went downstairs.... The water came through the ceiling and the ceiling was leaking water. I decided to put a towel down under the leak and go get some visine which made me feel better about the situation. I went down to the corner store and there was a whole bunch of cops, and i wathced them tackle down a midage lady who had a jacket full of stolen goods... I went back up to my house and saw that the ceiling was collapsing.. I went to sleep, woke up early and glued the ceiling back together while i cleaned up the resst of the water that was dripping all the while my mom was asking me how the fuck i flooded the backroom...
  3. Well this was many years ago, i think like 9 but, me and my friend had been interested with messing around with (small household made) bombs, we looked at a lot of ways to do shit, then one day i remembered one said something about puting a hole into the middle of a battery with a nail nad hammer nad getting the poundered battery acid.

    Well i had just gotten a brand new hunting buck knife for Christmas from my dad and i was like "HOLY SHIT I CAN DO THAT WITH MY KNIFE INSTEAD" So i went into my bedroom nad get my knife and a battery and sat down on my bed. So I guess no thinking and useing your thigh as a flat surface to puncture a round slippery object wasnt smart.

    The battery slid as i pushed on the knife, and the blade went into my leg. Right away i was shock stricken and stood up thinking "FUCK DID THAT SHIT JUST HAPPEN!!?!?" then I looked down and seen the knife fall out of my leg and I covered it with two hands immideatly and put pressure on it.

    I ran out into my living room yelling at my sister that i had "CUT MY LEG!" she naturally was like "Are you serious?" and my response went something like..." YES!!!!!!!!!!!!". So then she started to freak out too, so she yells at my mom through the bathroom door and she opens up the curtains naked..(Wasn't the scariest part by far tho).

    So we call 911 and mom is dressed and out, im sitting on the bath tub and the 911 directory person(Dispatcher i guess) Calls back nad asks if we called in an emergancy, my sister was like "Uh...YEAH!"

    So my mother tells me she wants the look at it, so since my pants were at my knees by this point i just took the towel i had on it off, and it looked like it was missing a milimeter of skin and in a circle the flesh curved into my leg like a butt almost, I was ok wit the sight, wasnt bleeding. Until a stream about 3-4 inches long of blood shot out of my stab wound! So i put the towel back down in a hurry lets say.The paramedics arrive and they do soem bood pressure tests, then one of the paramedics that used to be one of my officers at sea cadets tells me "this will tell me if you have been smoking" that was almost the scariest part....So im strapped to the board now and their carrying my to the back of my house through the kitcehn but they cant go out the back door cuz its winter and there is like 3 feet of snow once you step off our patio. So htey have to take me down to the basment and out into my drive way, but my stairs are super steep and the doorway to the top of my stairs is in my kitchen and they had lift up the end my head was at and angle me down to fit the back board around the corner.

    So they get me outside into my drive way, secured in the gurney then they push to the ambulence get me in there, then the guy i know in the back with me and my sister starts asking me what colour the blood was, and i give him a slightly *Are you retarded answer* and say "" then he elaborates and say, light or dark red..and i say "um dunno never got a good look but i think it was light
    " then he says well it might be and arterial bleed then and i got scared and knew it probably wasnt at the same time ans said "No no! it was light i think" he knew why i said it though....

    So were driving to the hospital 20 minutes away and im thinking were goign to be driving fast even tho they have me semi patched up, but the lady driving almost got stuck in my drive way and never put the sirens or lights on!

    I get to the hospital and in the emergancy room where the nurses are doing all the stiching and such on me, but they ask me if i had done anydrugs..and i reluctantly say "i have done pot before...." but i was mistaken ahhaha they meant that day so i said no.

    Then the lady nurses (Me in my boxers, the paramedics cut off my brand new jeans to get them off fast..damn those snippers were good and sharp!!) and im like OH NO THEIR GUNNA SEE MY GOODIES! (Me being like 13...LOL) All i could say for the rest of the time waiting for the person coming in to stich me up was "Can you just put me to sleep, I HATE GETTTING STICHES!" but they just froze my leg and i watched then stitch my wound up.

    Then the next day i spent the weekend at the armouries(Local military base) with cadets and crutched around on these lil mini crutches and slacked off with my wound as an excuse not to do drill :D then after that it was just waiting for my leg to heal..

    sorry for such a long read...I guess the only thing you got out of this was a luagh and that i had a brand new pair of jeans ruined!!

    damn i paid 40$ too.....and by 'I' I mean my mom! ahHHAHAH:D

  4. I'll keep it short and sweet....

    My buddy had this shitty car and one night we were out at a party smokin and drinkin like crazy...we got the idea to just beat the living shit out of the car.

    So we're all out there kickin the shit out of it (the owner included) and one of my buddies decides to take a piss on the hood where this huge dent was.

    Apparently my other buddy either wasnt there at the time or didnt see the other guy takin a piss on the hood.....

    ....because out of nowhere he comes charging towards the car and does an elbow drop (straight WWE style) right on the hood....also right in the puddle of piss.

    He got piss all over his face, all over was great.
  5. I was with my buddies toking and drinking beers. We ordered a round of drinks and I decided to open it with my class ring. I had done it many times before with no reprocussions.
    This time I went to open it and the neck of the beer broke and sliced deep into my finger. I sprayed blood all over my friend who seemed mad at me until I told him to shut the fuck up.
    I tried to stop the blood in the bathroom but it was pretty damn deep. They made me go to the ER which I hate.
    4 hours later at 4 AM i got out with my finger in a splint and a few stiches.

    *Side story* The next morning my sister asked what happened and I told her my finger was lopped off by that spinning thing inside of the ball return.
    She freaked out and started to cry untilI felt obliged to tell her I was fucking around. On second thought that's the best part of the story.
  6. I live in a big house near campus with 7 people so we're always throwing huge parties...we had a 6 kegger last weekend and people were just straight shitfaced. We have a winding staircase that goes from the kitchen to the basement and we have a 10ish foot beer bong going all the way down the railing. You can take out a pitcher and a half in it if you want. But anyways lots of random freshman show up at our parties and at the last one this kid was hammered and he asked for a beer bong...I was like whatever and filled up a pitcher and told him to release the valve. He took down about half of it or so then just feel backwards onto the ground as the rest of the beer poured all over him. He could barely stand back up but he seemed to be having a blast.

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