Hey guys, I decided to write down a story about something that happened to me freshman year of college. Everyone, I've told it to thinks its hilarious. I'd appreciate any and all feedback. Specifically, I am interested to know if its funny to people who have never met me in real life. Also whether you think It's missing anything or I need to cut stuff out The Strawberry Condom Story Part I It was the second week of my freshman year. I was still getting accustomed to the whole college scene and my alcohol tolerance was not yet as, umm impressive, as it is now. God, I miss those days when drinking a 6 pack would get me drunk. Being new and all, My friend Rick and I went to check out this â€œactivities fairâ€ that was going on in the auditorium. What a sad sight. There were a bunch of make-shift booths set up, where representatives from various clubs were desperately trying to get people to enroll. Information Systems club, oh boy! Sign me up right away. We were about to hightail it out of there until one of us saw a sign that said: â€œFREE CONDOMSâ€. We walked over and both grabbed one. Randomly, I drew a strawberry flavored one. As I was casually putting the condom in my wallet, an idea came to my head for the perfect pick up line. I imagined it to flow something like this: Me: Do you like strawberries? Hot Chick: Yea I love them Me: (While simultaneously pulling out the strawberry condom) Well, would you like to suck on one? Hot Chick: I sure would!!! I know that if you think about it, its actually quite retarded, thus being no different then every other pick up line out there. I mean, who the fuck wants to get a blow job with a condom on? At the time though, it seemed hilarious to me. I shared it with Rick and he was almost in tears laughing. See, I am not the only idiot out there. Part II So fast forward to that night. I had completely forgotten about my ingenious pickup line and even about having a strawberry condom in my wallet. It was my second weekend at school and I wanted to go out and get hammered. A goal at which, I was extremely successful at. Me and Rick went party hopping where we did all the typical college shit: keg stands, beer pong, shots with random people, pissing behind sketchy dumpsters, etc. It was a fun night, but nothing special happened. We wound up getting back at around three in the morning, so drunk that neither one of us knew which way was up. To cap the night off, we decided to smoke a nice joint. Only problem was, we didn't have any weed. Both of us being new to the school, we didn't have anyone to call. On most occasions this would be enough to get me to give up. Not that night my friends! After a little drunk brainstorming, we decided that someone in our dorm was bound to have weed. Thus, the only rational thing to do would be to knock on everyone's door asking for some. We started on the top floor and began to work our way down. To back up a second, I know what your thinking. Yes, It may sound like I'm a complete Dumbass. So, in order to defend myself, I will invoke the same excuse slutty chicks use when their friends ask them about why they hooked up with five guys last night----I was really fucking trashed! I wish there was a video camera following us around that night, because the expression's we were greeted with from the people who actually answered their door, were priceless. Imagine this scenario: your in your room sleeping, watching tv, downloading a little porn, or whatever it is you do at 3 in the morning--- when you hear loud pounding at your door--- upon opening it, you see two very drunk kids who you've never met before asking to buy drugs off you. After going through about three floors, we knocked on a door and were greeted by two cute girls. Putting, my quest to get high on hold, I started flirting with them. It must have worked, because they invited us inside. At this point, I was already going in and out of consciousness and blacked out shortly after we walked in. Part III Somehow, the next morning I woke up in my own bed with possibly the biggest hangover I have ever experienced. I went down to the dining hall to get massive amounts of Gatorade. Too exhausted to make it back to my room, I sat down by myself and began trying to piece together the previous night--- I had no idea of how I wound up in my bed, whether Rick was still alive, or essentially anything that happened after walking into those girls' room. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed two girls giving me weird looks. I looked over and one of them gave me a very, very awkward wave. I was confused. Where the fuck did I know these girls from? They couldn't have been the girls from last night--- the girls who let Rick and I into their room were hot--- while, these ones looked like they escaped from the circus. Overcome with curiosity, I walked over to their table to ask how I knew them. This following conversation followed: (pretty much verbatim) Me: â€œHi, I'm sorry how do I know you girls?â€ Them: â€œAre you serious?â€ Me: â€œSorry. I have a bad memory. Do we have a class together or something?â€ Them: (laughing) â€œDo you really not remember last nightâ€ Me: â€œNo. Last night I drank too much and blacked out.â€ Girl 1: â€œWell. Let me help you remember. Last night you and your friend came knocking at our door at four in the morning. You were really loud and yelling something about buying weed. After we told you, we don't do drugs. You walked off and began pissing in a trash can. Then we told you that you're going to get in trouble with security and told you to come in our room and use our bathroom instead. -Once, you guys came into our room, your friend passed out on the floor. Meanwhile, you asked me if I liked strawberries. Before, I even had a chance to answer. You took out a strawberry flavored condom and asked me if I wanted to suck on one, while attempting to unbutton your pantsâ€ This was too much for my senses to handle. There's no way I actually tried using that fucking pick up line. I mean, come on I have better game then that. Right? Me: â€œNo way. Your making this up to mess with me.â€ Girl 2: â€œAhh. No We're not. How else would I know you have a strawberry flavored condom in your wallet.â€ Checkmate! ---Thank you for playing, try again next time!--- She wasn't kidding. I guess I really had busted out that pick up line. After recovering from the immediate shock, I turned around without saying another word and walked away. For, there is absolutely nothing I could have said to save face. I mean what do you say in a situation like that? From this little adventure I learned two very important lessons: No matter how funny they may seem, pickup lines are always sure to leave you feeling stupid. More importantly though, I learned that when I get drunk, I get horrible--- absolutely terrible beer goggles.