Funny and true story

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by tripper157, May 13, 2010.

  1. Hey guys, I decided to write down a story about something that happened to me freshman year of college. Everyone, I've told it to thinks its hilarious. I'd appreciate any and all feedback. Specifically, I am interested to know if its funny to people who have never met me in real life. Also whether you think It's missing anything or I need to cut stuff out

    The Strawberry Condom Story
    Part I

    It was the second week of my freshman year. I was still getting accustomed to the whole college scene and my alcohol tolerance was not yet as, umm impressive, as it is now.
    God, I miss those days when drinking a 6 pack would get me drunk.

    Being new and all, My friend Rick and I went to check out this “activities fair” that was going on in the auditorium. What a sad sight. There were a bunch of make-shift booths set up, where representatives from various clubs were desperately trying to get people to enroll. Information Systems club, oh boy! Sign me up right away.

    We were about to hightail it out of there until one of us saw a sign that said: “FREE CONDOMS”. We walked over and both grabbed one. Randomly, I drew a strawberry flavored one. As I was casually putting the condom in my wallet, an idea came to my head for the perfect pick up line. I imagined it to flow something like this:

    Me: Do you like strawberries?
    Hot Chick: Yea I love them
    Me: (While simultaneously pulling out the strawberry condom) Well, would you like to suck on one?
    Hot Chick: I sure would!!!

    I know that if you think about it, its actually quite retarded, thus being no different then every other pick up line out there. I mean, who the fuck wants to get a blow job with a condom on?

    At the time though, it seemed hilarious to me. I shared it with Rick and he was almost in tears laughing. See, I am not the only idiot out there.

    Part II

    So fast forward to that night. I had completely forgotten about my ingenious pickup line and even about having a strawberry condom in my wallet. It was my second weekend at school and I wanted to go out and get hammered. A goal at which, I was extremely successful at.

    Me and Rick went party hopping where we did all the typical college shit: keg stands, beer pong, shots with random people, pissing behind sketchy dumpsters, etc. It was a fun night, but nothing special happened.

    We wound up getting back at around three in the morning, so drunk that neither one of us knew which way was up. To cap the night off, we decided to smoke a nice joint. Only problem was, we didn't have any weed. Both of us being new to the school, we didn't have anyone to call. On most occasions this would be enough to get me to give up. Not that night my friends!

    After a little drunk brainstorming, we decided that someone in our dorm was bound to have weed. Thus, the only rational thing to do would be to knock on everyone's door asking for some. We started on the top floor and began to work our way down.

    To back up a second, I know what your thinking. Yes, It may sound like I'm a complete Dumbass. So, in order to defend myself, I will invoke the same excuse slutty chicks use when their friends ask them about why they hooked up with five guys last night----I was really fucking trashed!

    I wish there was a video camera following us around that night, because the expression's we were greeted with from the people who actually answered their door, were priceless.
    Imagine this scenario: your in your room sleeping, watching tv, downloading a little porn, or whatever it is you do at 3 in the morning--- when you hear loud pounding at your door--- upon opening it, you see two very drunk kids who you've never met before asking to buy drugs off you.

    After going through about three floors, we knocked on a door and were greeted by two cute girls. Putting, my quest to get high on hold, I started flirting with them. It must have worked, because they invited us inside. At this point, I was already going in and out of consciousness and blacked out shortly after we walked in.

    Part III

    Somehow, the next morning I woke up in my own bed with possibly the biggest hangover I have ever experienced. I went down to the dining hall to get massive amounts of Gatorade. Too exhausted to make it back to my room, I sat down by myself and began trying to piece together the previous night--- I had no idea of how I wound up in my bed, whether Rick was still alive, or essentially anything that happened after walking into those girls' room.

    Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed two girls giving me weird looks. I looked over and one of them gave me a very, very awkward wave.

    I was confused. Where the fuck did I know these girls from? They couldn't have been the girls from last night--- the girls who let Rick and I into their room were hot--- while, these ones looked like they escaped from the circus.

    Overcome with curiosity, I walked over to their table to ask how I knew them. This following conversation followed: (pretty much verbatim)

    Me: “Hi, I'm sorry how do I know you girls?”
    Them: “Are you serious?”
    Me: “Sorry. I have a bad memory. Do we have a class together or something?”
    Them: (laughing) “Do you really not remember last night”
    Me: “No. Last night I drank too much and blacked out.”
    Girl 1: “Well. Let me help you remember. Last night you and your friend came knocking at our door at four in the morning. You were really loud and yelling something about buying weed. After we told you, we don't do drugs. You walked off and began pissing in a trash can. Then we told you that you're going to get in trouble with security and told you to come in our room and use our bathroom instead. -Once, you guys came into our room, your friend passed out on the floor. Meanwhile, you asked me if I liked strawberries.
    Before, I even had a chance to answer. You took out a strawberry flavored condom and asked me if I wanted to suck on one, while attempting to unbutton your pants”

    This was too much for my senses to handle. There's no way I actually tried using that fucking pick up line. I mean, come on I have better game then that. Right?

    Me: “No way. Your making this up to mess with me.”
    Girl 2: “Ahh. No We're not. How else would I know you have a strawberry flavored condom in your wallet.”

    Checkmate! ---Thank you for playing, try again next time!--- She wasn't kidding. I guess I really had busted out that pick up line. After recovering from the immediate shock, I turned around without saying another word and walked away. For, there is absolutely nothing I could have said to save face. I mean what do you say in a situation like that?

    From this little adventure I learned two very important lessons: No matter how funny they may seem, pickup lines are always sure to leave you feeling stupid. More importantly though, I learned that when I get drunk, I get horrible--- absolutely terrible beer goggles.
  2. Not even gonna lie, that is so funny .
  3. LOL bitch you is funny
  4. I'm heading off to college in a few months. I hope I have encounters as epic as that
  5. Thats some funny shit yea.
  6. this should be like a prequal to the movie "the hangover".. your pretty funny man, not to mention a damn good story teller. i can't say the same about drinking- your pretty lucky nobody called campus security or something. those chicks could have been goodie-goodie bitches and ratted on you guys
  7. Wow...that was a long very detailed story...almost looked like you had been saving that to share with us all this time....:smoking:

    next time sprinkle a few hookers in there to top it off...
  8. Idk if you mean that literally or not. As a person, yes she sucked

    Glad you guys liked it. I am going to write another one about something that happened to me at a party. It will be called Funny and true story II
  9. Honestly, I've been that drunk...that shit isn't funny cause it does have you on some ol' bullshit. And trust me, I was gone, gone, gone...But imma kep it all the way real wit chu...

    In my opinion, it's not beer goggles but you just don't give a fuck. I've bumped uglyies with fat chicks, ugly skinny chicks, fine ones, etc. Honestly, I've always felt dirty afterwards...well ok, there was a couple of times where shit was cool...but when I get that wasted, i always feel dirty...

    but nah man that shit's funny cause i've been in that box man lol
  10. man i cracked up about this last night and read it again and it was funny still. That's how college goes though, i've done some things like this before, talking to people in my dorm while i'm blacked out and I get people the next day say hi to me and i'm like wtf?, well hello, my names sirust whats yours?...yah..., never said something like what OP said while blacked out though hah.:smoking:
  11. Helluva story man, +Rep
  12. That's some funny ass shit. You ever see those girls again? haha
  13. Nope lol
  14. So did you get some lol?

  15. ok i really gotta ask, and this maybe a dumb question but WHAT THE HELL DOES OP MEAN ON HERE? Original Person?
  16. Original poster as in the creator of the thread. So the guy who made this thread is the op.
  17. Dude you should be a fucking author! That was an incredible story, and I read it while stoned. I laughed my ass off
  18. Now THIS is the kinda shit I come to this section to read about! Hilarious story bro, A+++. If you've got any other funny stories you should post 'em, you have a knack for telling them good.

    I approve!

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