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Funniest, fucked up sex story.

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by sloburn13, Feb 28, 2010.

  1. I have 2 one is funny one is fucked up. So the first one I met this girl at a park one day first time I ever met her in person. We hung out hit it off she was a cool chick and cute. Well she decided she wanted me to come over to her house that night and watch a movie. So i get to her house and we hang out kissing and fooling around, I tried to go down her pants and she informed me that the red tide was in. So I was like cool, so we continue to fool around and she starts to give me head. So shes going to town and like I always do especially if I don't know if a girl swallows I give her a heads up with a "im gona cum" she keeps going and I blow my load in her mouth. Well she swallows and I guess she exhaled at the same time i was blowing my load. Well she sits up after im done cumming and she starts going "oww fuck oww fuck it burns" and about that time most of my load comes dripping out her nose. We both fucking died laughing. It was so random and unexpected.

    Okay, now the fucked up thing. I met this chick she was really cute and first things started out with us just being friends and she would give me head from time to time. This chick was really cool played video games and was good at them she liked to go out drinking with me. Just all around good friend. Well things get a little more intimate and we start fucking regularly. I stayed at her place all the time and we had some dirty, sweaty sex often. Well we go out one night, the only hard liquor i can stomach is Tequilla so she decide he wants to drink tequilla with me that night so we drink several shots of tequilla and lime im totaly fucked up she drives us home. So we get to her place and we start fucking, we decide it was time to rock out some anal. well it didnt work I was too drunk and being a little too agressive anyways....We finish fuckin and i fall asleep and so did she. Well some time later I get woken up by her getting out of bed I hear her stumble and knock a bunch of shit down then i hear what sounds like someone pouring a cup of water out on the carpet. I sit up and look shes over in the corner of her bed room pissing in the floor. I am uterly freaked out by it. So i lay back down real quick and act like im asleep. She gets back in bed and we both fall back asleep. Well in the morning shes like how did this get broken and why is my carpet wet. I play dumb because I am just that nice. Well we start talking and she tells me that she tends to black out on tequilla. I tried to hang out with her after that and ti just was too weird lol. So I gradually quit hanging and then met my wife who is the best sex and most amazing woman I have ever met. Oh and gives hte most amazing head ever too :)

    Im bored my wife was just called into work :( So what fucked up stories do you guys have? oh sorry for the long as read.
  2. Ok, mine's not that fucked up but i thought it was funny. So back when my girl and i first started dating, she was giving me a BJ and she doesnt swallow (no big deal, i wouldnt swallow cum either :hide:) So i decide to be a gentleman and tell when im about to nut. But you know when youre getting a REALLY good BJ and you just cant bring yourself to form words, let alone sentences? Well thats what happened to me. So i start tapping her shoulder (like in UFC :p) And while still blowing me, she goes "wha-kk." And starts choking on my load lol idk maybe you had to be there, it was pretty funny :D
  3. lol that sounds funny as hell did she get pissed?

  4. Nah, she knew i tried to warn her :p
  5. I've got a friend... (This really happened to a friend, not me. I don't take it in the ass. Exit only!)

    Anyway, his chick liked anal whenever she got drunk. So, they went to Vagas and totally got wasted. Went back to the hotel, proceeded to do the usual. I guess she had packed some butt beads and told him to put them in. So, he does. Then she tells him to take them out. Not being experienced he said "okay" and ripped them out like he was pulling on the cord for a lawn mower. She screams and then sprays shit all over the room. Now that's fucked up, imo. Ha! I'd hate to have been the maid. :p
  6. lmfao!!!!!!!

  7. Ohh goddddammmmn!
  8. Lol theres some funny ones on here... anyway, one time me and my girl were drinking and sittin on the couch together watching some mad movies. She then starts to give me a BJ so im thinkin sickkkkkk, and didnt really think about how much we had to drink.. so I finally blow in her mouth and literally 2 seconds later she grabs a wendys cup from dinner that night (which was filled with ciggarrette butts) and starts puking into it lmao. I laughed for like 5 minutes (Im not a dick, I just couldnt help it) but luckily shes cool - and thought it was funny too.. afterwards, at least.
  9. ok honestly craziest thing ever! i cant help it but before i nut i always say or do sumthing weird just to fuck around. so im with this girl i met at the lake. were going at it and i told her "MY BRAINS ARE CUMMING OUT" shes looks at my like wow?! then reaches down and fans her hands really fast over her clit and sprays alllll over the place.... i instantly stop and take a few steps back and she tells me oh im sorry i shoulda told you! i stood there dripping fucking wet and all i can think of is you KNEW you could do that? she tells me yeah i do it alot....we did it 3 more times it was like spending a day in a waterpark!:hello:
  10. funny shit bro...

    i actually read all that
  11. my friend likes heavier girls, and this girl was sitting on his face and he was eating her out, and she started squirting all over him, and she was too big for him to throw her off, so all he could do was turn his head to the side. it got all in his ear, and he ended up getting a pretty bad ear infection from it.
  12. bahahaha thats fucked up
  13. lol That's sick.
  14. ewwwwwwwwwwwww :eek:
  15. Well, it's not exactly a sex story but my old boss went to pick up his drunk buddy from a strip club. The chick on stage just grabbed his head and shoved his face into her tits. Not a bad experience, I'm sure, until a few days later when he got Pink Eye.

    I guess one of those chicks hadn't wiped her ass before she flossed it with the pole. :p
  16. Lol wtf?

    Some crazy shit yo. Hahaha!
  17. I got so drunk one time I passed out in the middle of sex. On top, still inside her. I don't remember any of it though, I just remember waking up naked on my couch the next day and she told me about it.

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