I hate no being able to smoke. It amazes me the halfassed arseway things I accomplish when I am completely schlaggered. I WAS suppose to be going to orientation for a new job yesterday. UNTIL the trustly NJ transit service fucked me. I called ahead to be sure when exactly I was to get off the bus. Everything was set for me. so after popping a xanax to relieve me of my anixieties of riding public transportation, I noticed we werent going to the road the nice lady on the phone told me to get off at. After reevaluating the situation, I got off at a familiar street, but far from my destination. THEN after realizing I hadnt worn the right clothes "ah, fuck" out of the corner of my eye a light caught my attention. "oh, hell" so I went towards it. My problems were solved. the 19th Hole appeared. I went in, and talk about a bar right off the green. So there I drank, tried to think of reasons why I didnt make it to orientation. AH! car accident. OK problem solved. after another xanie..and about 6 or 7 pints, I staggered across the street to the Bus pickup, the good old trusty bus pickup. And this is were things got hazy for me..Somehow I made it to the destination terminal, apparently got on another bus that got me home. at home made a phone call to work, lie, bumbled over my words about a arc addicent, i think I said somthing of the such, hung up the phone, stared at a fridge full of NO BEER, stared at the keys to my dads (who is out of town) NEW truck, and the next thing I know Im in the liquor store (yeah if you havent picked up on the fact that I had to take buses cause I dont have a drivers license..yeah) (oh, for DWI!, yeah) picked up 3 40oz, paid with quarters (spent all my cash on the bus tours!) came home, did my best at parking the truck, drank the 3 40s in approx and hour and a half, popped another xanax, because, this will help make it all go away, dont you know! passed out for about an hour, got up made the biggest fucking omlet in the world, using every pan there was in the house, one for the bacon, one to fry the onions and mushrooms, one to actaully cook the omlet, and used about a quarter pound of cheese (or so I was told this morning)..after that, I got my second wind..noticed that my fish died, decided to take care of that problem right then. And the rest is history. Woke up on the couch this morning, dizzy as hell, dont remeber a goddamn thing until, I 1. go to the bathroom and the dead fish is on the bottom of the toilet, and the fish tank is in the tub. 2. Go out to get the paper, see the truck parked half assed sideways 3. as my mom sits next to the machine, my manager leave a message, "oh Im so sorry to hear you were in a car accident!" 4. the floor in the kitchen is greasy as hell, and the dishwasher is packed so high you can pull the (what are those things called anyway?) out. Its now 130, I have told approx. 22 lies today, and I just got up at noon, Im still dizzy, still a retard, and still have no idea what to do with myself. conclusion. Pot would help me. Pot would heal me. Pot would make things allright. Pot would relieve my aniexty. Pot wouldnt make me drive illegally. Pot would relax me. Pot would make life easy for me. Pot is the answer folks. Pot would help me be not so dizzy right now. Pot is good. I just had to vent all this out..I have nothing else to do today, because the things I had to do I lied so much so I dont have to do them anymore. I need to be not dizzy. I need to peel myself away from this computer and maybe cook? I was thinking about cooking. Id drink, but IM BROKE. drinking isnt the answer anyway lol, but it helps you know, numb those crazy notions of being productive with my time. aw fuck this. but im still laughing at myself! thanks for listening.