One of my buddies who drinks a lot and sometimes smokes / does unmentionables is going on a Facebook status spree lol. Here's some of the things he's saying (probably just fucked up or drunk): "Horses are not able to feel punches." "Millions of people are not aware they are mentally disabled." "There are invisible spiders everywhere." "Russians shed their skin every 8 hours." "You can't get arrested for hammering nails into your leg." "Valentine's Day is named after the guy who invented the iPhone charger and ate his children." "God is recording all of your racist thoughts." "It's not illegal to slice off your penis, wrap it in the American Flag and mail it to yourself." "In a human lifetime over 1000 things can happen." "Babies can breathe underwater for 45 minutes." "2013 is the shortest year in history."
Hahaaha that gave me a smile. None of that shit makes the slightest bit of sense. I do shit like this all the time for the reactions.
'Chives. What fucking right do chives have to be so damn skinny?' 'Turn up the T.V. I can't taste me nachos' 'Where do watermelons get water?'. 'Who decided to call oranges oranges and do you think its because they're orange?' 'Last week we had strawberry kush. This week we have strawberries and kush. I feel bad for people that don't have strawberries or kush.'
I could quote an endless list from one of my friends but my memory is pretty appalling so here's a few from my Facebook chats with him (yes ew Facebook but sadly that's the only way I can stay in touch with certain people): "I'm sorry It was a pancake Willoooow don't leave me Think about potato man" "That guy sounds Texan. This is Antarctica Australia* Imagine if we shipped all the Texans to Antarctica and made them participate in a battle royale where the emerging victor gained dominion over a nation of chariot pulling midgets?" "I'm not watching that the main character is made out of dildo material" "Willow let's be serious here, I'd be worse than Stalin"
It wasn't random but a conversation with a girl a dated...... me... This is hollow( It was a hollow Easter bunny) Her... No it's not lol Me.... Yes it's hollow see, look Her... lol you must be to high Me.... Do you no what hollow is? Her... Yes hollow is when something is solid. Me.... lol no it's not Then i explained to her what hollow was.
I usually start a conversation off with new people by either telling them my cancer joke (I'm going to hell) or buy announcing the tattoo on my penis.
"Trees fall man, just be glad you're not under it.." just on a cruise lookin at a felled tree lol "Why the fuck are barns red?.......i mean its obviously painted" *pours beer out* "this goes out to britney spears music career Couple funny lines. Kinda had to hear the whole conversation though haha
I know a girl who thought amphibious was nocturnal lol. Her while smoking, "Are owls the only bird that's amphibious or are there more?" Me (thinking WTF) ".......what?" I'm liking some of these haha. I'll add some more when I think of them, my memory is pretty fucked up right now cause I'm the type of person who remembers things randomly and goes, "OHHHHHH yeah!" as soon as it hits me. One of my old friends was really weird and never had cash, but always had a place to chill at and cigarettes. One night when he couldn't have people chill at his house, he hit up this girl that liked me randomly over Facebook and sent her a message saying "hey do you want to go to the woods and smoke some cigarettes" except it was around midnight and filled with typos lol. She got insanely creeped out by it and called to tell me, so I asked him the next day what he was thinking and he didn't even know what to say. He sounded like a serial killer or something, like even if they were smoking weed it still sounded sketchy as fuck haha.
Valentine's Day is named after the guy who invented the iPhone charger and ate his children." that shit got me