Im gonna keep it simple this time forum. Its very much like this. Im like gods son. I am like the suns son. I am bright, full, complete, all-knowing, intelligent. Now, I have sad piece of shit parents who are sad pieces of shit and are always angry, hateful. They try to bring me down because they see me as a higher being, that isnt like them and yet lives with them, and yet isnt like them, and that angeres them, because they feel left out, and ignored, and because they are in suffering. So they make me feel sorry for them, bad and sad for them, in doing that, I become darker and lower myself. When I go out, I keep myself literally at 2%, because I've been brainwashed greatly by these evil beasts so that any move or attempt to go up makes me be reminded about how its not fair that mommy and aunty are so sad, and yet I, David, is so great, and going high. So I always shy away, get anxiety, and go home and cry to mommy and aunty and ask for forgiveness and mercy. Well, jk, thats not how it actually is in reality, but that is how my parents are. each time I used to live the high life, Id feel guilty for letting them in the dark. Id go back home, try to get them to come live a high life too(and Im not talking about weed just yet, just a great high life), they would just yell and tell me to stop talking, making me feel bad of course. Heres what happened. Friday, my friends called me up and told me to come down to Anaheim, like a 40 minute drive and come stay there at a hotel with them. Of course, I wasnt expecting my mom to say ok go ahead and go, but I had tought myself how to communicate excellently to get what I want. So she ok'd it. I go there, we cheef some dank bud. I feel fucking blasted and high. I was at the peak of my life. There was this event at the Convention Center nearby. We went there, and I had by now completely forgotten my miserable life back home(miserable because parents make it so). I of course, could do everything. I was a natural leader. Girls were attracted to me easily, I was like a magnet for everyone. And that is how I am naturally anyway, but I can never bring it out due to fear and guilt. Anyway, so the its like 2 AM, Im trying to go home, I call up my mom and I know shes awake. I know what I want, I tell her Im coming home, oh and besides that, she was a such a buzz kill when I called, my mom is such a miserable depressed girl, its not even funny, when she picked up and said hello, it was such a depressing sad voice, like she needs me to come and care for her or something, but I wasnt interested, I told her Im coming home and shit, and we got into an arguement about how I shouldnt come home this late, but whatever, I let the bitch have it, and said fine, Im going back to the hotel if you dont want me home. Needless to say, I went back, kinda embarrased that I said Im going home and then had to come back, but they understood somewhat. My parents tried to call me a hundred times after to tell me to come home and that they are sorry, but I didnt care, I wanted to show them who is really God between us. Anyway, as were trying to sleep, I began to think, I began to get those feelings of what am I gonna do, and guilt trip again, but before I let that get me completely, I slept. Next day I woke up, I dont feel to well. Instead of listening to why that is, I just tried to act like how I was the day before, but acting isnt legitamate. We cheefed, I felt a little ok, but not like me, sometype of anxiety was holding me back. And I didnt know why. I had smoked less, and the bud was the same. We go to the convention center again. I feel angered for some reason. I dont make sense, Im irrational, and just pissed off. I almost got into a fight with some fat mexican for no good reason. It was getting to the point where I couldnt stay. I wanted to go back home. But before I did, I cheefed again. This time, paranoid thoughts about my surroundings attacked me. I no longer trusted anyone and my friends especially(what I really didnt trust was myself, because if I did, my friends and no one else would be a threat to me as usual). I make a fool of myself, piss my friends off, anger them, make them think something is wrong with me, and I just bail out randomly in the afternoon. While I was walking to my car, I felt like I completely missed something at the convention center, and that I forgot a part of myself. When I got in my car, I started driving. But guess what, some weird shit kept happening. Red Lights lasted like an hour. And I kept feeling anxiety, guilt, fear, and when I looked at the mirror, I was so terrified of myself, I thought I was the most worthless guy in the world. I am driving back, and nothing is really helping me, other than the sun shining through the windows. I get home, I can hardly say a word, my voice is cracking, and I just crash. My parents get home, and it seemed like for the first time, they were happy, like they were successfull or something. Its quite obvious they felt I was in pain, but my mom came and hugged me, and kissed me, and was so happy and proud, whereas when usually she never does that, but of course, she did that at the time where I was just unconfident, in pain, anxious, because that would mean I would need her, and thats just what the evil energy sucking piece of shit wanted. Anyway, for the past week, I feel like Im 60% less. My willpower has come down quite alot. My capabilities and freedoms to live have also come down drastically, and have been replaced by fear. My face, it kinda looks a little worn out, and its been like this the whole week, and just barely am I kinda going back to working out and just trying to chill. In fact, even as I write this, I can understand how anyone reading this will feel that its not genuine and legit, and although everything I speak is the truth, I write it in such an ungenuine way, that people fear away and I become a monster, but Im not believe me, I just have fear blocking me from reaching to you guys. What exactly was the problem now that I found courage to look back. The problem was that I was afraid that I had 1 godly day, and that I would have to go back, and my parents would obviously find out how much of a far godlier life I lived and left them out, so they would try to punish me and destroy me, so, the only thing I could do, is take the fault myself before they tried to harm me, and went back and needed them, unable to stop myself, and I made the logical decision at that time, unknowing even what I was doing, because if I did, I would act foolish and destroy myself more. You may ask, how would they find out that I was living a life free of them, well it would be quite obvious when they looked at my sexy ass face, my pure confidence and inner strength emminating and vibrating, and theyd try to yell at that form, and because I dont have money to move out and live on my own, I wouldnt be able to fucking beat their ass and go live on my own, and therefore, I would be homeless, and would even be in a far worse situation. So what is this all about, its to let all of you know, Im hanging here, and I havent, and will never let go. And I just want all of you know, how fucking shitty my parents are. I dont have a dad anymore, I live with my aunt, and my mom is completely her bitch, because if she isnt, then we' both get thrown out. Believe me, none of these are excuses, if any of you were in my situation, you'd all do something stupid and be in a far worse situation. My faith and belief in myself is what always gets me through. Its a shame that my grandfather is a multimillionaire, but he wont think about how me and my mom need some of that money at least to get a house, but I wont succumb to asking him for money, because that is just wrong, and I would become a lower being if I made such a choice. Grasscity, do any of you have unfortunate parents like me. Female members, do you girls have idiot brothers who try to protect you from every guy out there, and while doing that, keep you grounded and low? I have all ears and heart open, and welcome all to share their experiences with me. Thank You.