Freedom Vs. Money

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by AmberFall92, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. So,
    I have been smoking weed since I was 14. That's where I found my place in society. It's not like they say in school or on PSAs, my weed friends were my real friends. I love those guys. I had a good time. After I graduated High School, I traveled around, went to art school. I had good times and bad times. I was always a really honest kid. I told my parents that I was smoking pot when I was 14 and I told them that I was tripping on occasion when I was 18. They didn't take it well, at all, but I never stopped telling the truth. 
    I'm not a super hard worker. I'm a pretty laid back artist. But lately, my world has gotten really hectic and complicated and I can't stand the pressure and anxiety. I am 20 years old and I just came back to college again after spending a year running away from real life and society and expectations. Art school can be really competitive and it got the best of me and I ran away. It happens, right? But I sorted it out and I came back. 
    I decided that I owed it to my parents to do things their way. I worked really hard. I have been completely sober, no smoking, no drinking, no tripping, no anything for ten months, now. I got back to college and I got pretty rad grades. The anxiety was pretty bad during finals but I got through it. 
    Since I'm still honest, though and I don't like to lie or sneak, I told my parents that I plan to smoke again eventually. I never was a huge smoker anyway, I have been smoking for a long time but I was always the one who smoked the least of my friends. I smoked on average a gram a week for perspective- not a huge pothead. Well, they freaked out. They said they won't pay for school and they won't pay my rent or my cellphone, they'll just cut me off if I smoke or drink or anything. 
    So, now they want to drug test me all next year. I really don't feel like staying sober a whole nother year... I KNOW that it's worth it. I know that staying completely sober for 4 years is totally worth 4 years of them paying for college and rent. I understand that. Still, I don't know if I can live that way. I'm not the type of person that can just keep living for tomorrow, working hard and sucking up misery for a brighter future someday far away. Staying sober this long has been really lame. It's taken a huge blow to my perspective of life, my social life, my anxiety... I know that for them, as people who never smoke or drink, they can't comprehend why it would be that important but it is to me. To me, weed is that break at the end of the day after working really hard. I suffered from serious depression, anxiety and insomnia and weed really helped with that. LSD really helped me with my depression when I tried it at 18, and it hasn't come back since. The weed doesn't work like that, though. 
    People kept telling me I had to give it a chance. I had to give being completely sober a chance and stuff and I did. I have given it ten months to be really awesome and it isn't for me. I'm unhappy this way and I can't do this another four years. I'm really bummed out that my parents would leave me in the street over a little pot. I think it's a really messed up thing to do... I mean, I work hard and I'm a good kid. I think if I get good grades and work hard, they should give me a chance. But that's not going to happen. I know it sounds silly saying I'm 20 and they're leaving me on the street but take into account that I am a college student and my parents were paying my rent. I do have a job and I do have money in my bank account but not enough to pay rent and gas and utilities and food. I have no credit history, a weak job history because I only worked summers. I moved to California because my parents wanted me to- I don't even have all my friend's houses to couch surf here. 
    My parents are making me choose between their money and my freedom. They've left me on the street before. I don't want to be a part of this family if I have to fight for my spot. I'm heartbroken that my parents would dump me in the street like a bag of garbage, because I've always thought of myself as a really good kid. I feel so alone, abandoned and anxious and it's all a million times worse because I'm 3000 miles away from my friends and completely sober. 
    Being homeless as a girl can be pretty scary, especially in new territory. I'm doing my best to prepare myself with money and my job and all that but I've never paid my own rent or bills before. I've either had my parents pay it, or I've just drifted along, paying nothing, living a pretty rad couch surfer hippie lifestyle. But all that's long gone now.. All my old friends have dispersed to different areas and I really do want to do something with my life. I don't think that should require me to be sober and I don't think that's its so evil and so wrong to say that I need to smoke weed sometimes. 
    I don't really know what I'm asking for... If I want to hear other people's stories and experiences or validation but please don't reply with things like "well why dont you just quit smoking weed" or "well you're 20 you should be able to support yourself." because it really isn't that simple. and to me, it is a big deal. And being independent at 20 when you never knew you would need to and didn't prepare is really very hard in a world where everyone wants credit checks and college degrees and work experience... I do my best, I have like 1,200 in the bank right now. It's still not enough for me to rent an apartment and pay car insurance, gas, groceries, utilities, renters insurance, phone bill... etc etc etc

  2. you didn't plan on moving out at 20?
  3. I don't live with my parents. I live in California, they live in Boston. They pay for school, for rent, for my cellphone and all that, though. They will have me drug tested by someone in California all of next year and if I don't pass my drug tests, they will cut me off. I haven't lived with them since I was 16.
  4. Idk man you have a choice to either have a shot at a good career or have fun. It sounds simple but you can't put a price on happiness ya dig? in the end it's your personal choice and yours alone noone has the right to tell you what you can and can't do. If you can make it on your own go for it, it's very rewarding but if you need that finanacial support maybe it's worth it to go sober or you can just detox before you get tested.
  5. Just do what they say until you have a job. Then move out and smoke weed till you die.
  6. #6 citydwella, Jun 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2013
    Well most people would kill tp have their college and rent payed for. Thats pretty awsome. I think you got depression and in someway you dont want to be successful because your afraid? Thats why you want to run to alchohol/pot. I mean your parents are kinda right. My cousin was going to USC and got kicked out for too much.partying, i wouldnt risk a perfect oppertunity in life for a bong toke and a vodka shot..

    Sent from my LG-MS770 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
  7. you are not lying if you just don't mention it
  8. There is a very simple solution to this. But first of all, if you live so far away from your parents, how are they going to drug test you?
    Either way, even if they have the means to drug test you every once in awhile, I'm going to assume that it's not going to be every week, but on a monthly basis. You say you haven't smoked in so long, so I'm sure that you could compromise and only smoke for a few days a month, the first few days after every drug test.
    Smoking, even for a few times a month, should help control your longing / craving for the occasional hit, and also put things back into perspective for you every month- like what you'd like to accomplish in the next month for school or work, as well as enjoying a very potent high because you will never gain tolerance when you smoke so little.
    It's better than not smoking at all, and you should certainly be able to get away with it.
    Also, a plan B would be to get a sober friend where you live and just use their pee, if, I'm assuming the drug tests your parents will be giving you are cheap at-home drug tests. Very easy to beat.
  9. #9 lurker4life, Jun 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 9, 2013
    no weed now = free college
    Free college = more money later in life
    more money in life = more weed
    more weed=better "Surfer Hippie lifestyle" later on down the road
  10. #10 we trippy, Jun 11, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2013
    You should of kept your smoking a secret and none of this would be a problem. It is not a lie if you don't tell them ; ) . You could of kept on smoking and just not told them you smoke or not. It's not really their business anyway if it's not impacting you negative way.
  11. Well,
    I get drug tested once a week. It's at a sober living home and my piss is sent to a lab. They also watch me piss. So I don't want to try and cheat the test.. I know I should have never told them, I just thought honesty would be the right way but it wasn't.. It's too late to go back now and change that. I'm completely aware that it makes sense to stay sober another 4 years and it would pay off- but it's really not that simple. Everyone knows it totally pays off to eat really healthy and not eat at night and stuff but not many people can do it :(
  12. I'm currently entertaining the possibility of getting around the drug tests with RCs that wont show up even on a lab test, like 2c-x's. I've done them before and enjoyed them. I thought that maybe if I can trip once in a while, I won't feel as much the need to smoke and I can wait out the four years like that, then smoke once I have my job. The downside is that I really am not looking for something that intense to dive into right now. All I want is a little weed or alcohol, just something to relax at the end of the day with friends and watch cartoons. I would much rather smoke right now than start visiting hallucinogen world because even though I used to do that a lot and I really felt good about it, somehow, now, it makes me really anxious. 
    I really don't understand it. I don't know why all of a sudden, tripping scares me, when I used to do it every week. My hope is that maybe after the first one, I won't feel all this anxiety and discomfort anymore. I know it's really helped in the past and like I said, I wasn't a huge pot smoker... just occasionally. I don't need to be in an altered state all the time, I just get really bored and... stale in a way when it's been too long. I hope it will help. 
  13. So, i still don't see what's stopping you from drinking?

  14. Money..
    ..forever and always. :love:
  15. Just make sure whatever choice you make you can live with. When i was 20 i was out on my own, didnt get financial aid from anyone, couch hopped for a while, then realized i was going nowhere. Im now 27 and wish i had taken things more serious, i went and got a degree at 23, 5 years older than everyone i was in class with, still only got shitty jobs and now at 27 im going back to school. No assistance other than loans, looking at $60k in debt when im done. I would gladly trade my years of partying for a degree my parents would have paid for. 
  16. #17 gotalight, Jun 12, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2013
    go on CL, look for house shares.  you can get a room for under 400 a month in some parts of CA.
    other than that, u have 1 option which is to convince them its not bad
  17. I agree with you. When people say "im honest", i mean thats good but you can really bring yourself down if you too honest. No need to tell people shit that they dont need to know

    Sent from my SGH-I747M using Grasscity Forum mobile app

  18. @smokedro alcohol is part of my drug testing.
    yeah, I've tried so hard to convince them it's okay. Especially since it's legal here and I wouldn't be a criminal or anything. I'm hoping that even if they do cut me off and all that, that maybe after a year when they realize the world didn't blow up because I smoked weed and I'm doing alright and I'm still the same person, maybe then they will decide to get over their bs hate. 
  19. Lie an use syn

    Colorado love!


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