Do you forgive people that have done very hurtful things to you? Basically, about 2 years ago my best friend (wel call him "B") was heavily involved in unmentionables and getting worse rapidly.. Me being his best friend i attempted to get him help thinking that this is the right thing to do to save him. We were young and still in H.S. so i went to an adult figure in our life and told him what was going on and that he needed help. Unfortunately it back fired and my friend considered it me ratting him out. He knew a few police officers, So to get back at me he ended up going to the police and my parents and telling them that im involved in weed and other things and that i sell drugs also, which was completely false. No charges were filed or anything but it caused all type of problems between me and my parents and stuff.. We had already graduated when he did this so we were off to different colleges and lives, i swore that if i ever saw him anywhere i would beat the crap out of him and i was never going to be his friend again, let alone forgive him. Now fast forward 2 years later to about an hour ago at 3 a.m. on a random saturday night.. i get a call from an other friend and he says someone wants to talk to me.. another voice gets on the phone and its "B".. honestly i was shocked and got an adrenaline rush and was kind of shaking.. He was being nice and asking me how i was and i was just being very short with him and kind of mean. He asked if we were on good terms and i said no im not cool with you at all. He asked why and i told him dont be stupid you know why. so my other friend got back on the phone and pleaded with me that "B" just wants to be friends and forget all that other shit.. I didnt budge tho.. It was so hard for me to forgive him and just act like everything was cool.. I felt like if i did that then i was being fake in a way or something. I know grudges are not good to hold onto and anger being locked in is terrible for you. Now an hour later i feel like maybe the best thing to do would be just to forgive him and move on. I feel bad that i was such an asshole on the phone to both my friends. I respect that he called and made an effort but for whatever reason i was not able to forgive him..
Always forgive never forget. Unfortunately none of my friends have made an effort to be forgiven for everything they've done to me. My life is fucked.
ya i feel you, i'd still be mad. if he wants to talk, talk. tell him exactly what you're thinking. then hear what he has to say. if what he has to say doesnt cut it, tell him so and say goodbye. if it does, you got a friend back.
i dont think i'd ever be friends with him again.. he's a drug addict, been in and out of rehab, stole thousands of dollars from people to support his habit.. but forgiving him would be for me not for him.. i dont think its good to hold this grudge any longer always wondering whats going to happen if i run into him.. i dont know im confused..
take him as he is. u say hes a drug addict, so if you really belevae that then treat him as one. dont trust him. dont loan him stuff and all that expect him to fuck u over, rat u out, play u but u can still be freindly, respectful to him, non confrontational. why let him think things are bad with u when if they r he will fuck wit u if they are goo,d thn he has no reason to give u any problems and ur in control of the situation more just keep him on the back burner. not like u have to include him n ur everyday life live ur life and move it along. dont worry about him from what he did 2 years ago, worry aout what he cn do to u now and be prepared for what he can do to protect urself
flip the game on him. use him. control him by letting him think he is gaining something on you i have had so many so called freinds think they were just using me, but i always gained from them more
I tend to forgive. You can tell him how he effected you and let him know how you feel. Then hear him out and make that decision if his "excuses" cut it or seem genuine. Even if they don't cut it you can have the air cleared and just not speak to him any more, which it seems you'll be not doing any ways.
It seems as though the oppurtunity to forgive, is blown.. I mean its not like I have his number, he was on someone else's phone. I mean once I told him I'm not cool with him he just handed the phone to my friend he never said sorry or anything.. I never see him and I'm not going to go out of my way to reach him. It's just on my mind and I'm confused if I acted the right way or not. Part of me thinks I acted immature and I could have just talked things out instead of giving one word answers.. I just wasn't prepared. It's the last I expected in the middle of the night. Oh well.
The decision is totally up too you. Real question is if you reckon you'd be able to be the same you were around him before this all happened. I'd only be cool if he apologised properly and confessed to my parents that he was lying. Then I'd give it some time until I was cool
if you dont like how it turned out, you could always call up the phone he called on and tell the person whose phone it is to tell your friend to call you again.
Life's too short to be living in the past man. You gotta keep up and forgot about yesterday's bullshit. Forgive AND forget. It's the best way to live.
All these hippy stoners on this site are too quick to forgive. If he is still a drug addict, then you really cant trust him. The drugs are going to be controlling him, and if you bring him back into your life, the cycle just may repeat itself. I know it seems harsh, but I've witnessed a similar situation in other people. and the drugs always end up ruining the relationship. In the end, it's up to you, but I wouldn't be able to get back into a trusting relationship with a person like that after they betrayed me on such a scumbag level.