Force of Nature.

I am so frustrated and pissed off. Something's been happening to me since 5 moths ago when I decided I wanted to smoke weed for the first time. The problem is I still haven't. It's not because I back out, its because weird shit ,caused by god nows what, stops me from doing it.
For instance last fall one of my friends called me for a smoke out. I was delighted to go. I waited for him to call. His phone died. I tried again 2 weeks later, same person, he's on his way to my house. Gets pulled over. December, I had one of my new friends come up to mammoth with me, on the way up he says, " I was gonna bring a sack but I wasn't sure..." I bang my head on the dash.
Today, I went to sell my ipod for some weed to a girl I know. She said pick her up at Carl's Jr. to go to her boyfriends house to get it. I go picker up and out of fucking no where her mom steps behind my car and chews her out and puts me in the middle. They leave. There were many weird happenings that involve sudden accidents, the law and just miscommunication that occurred over these months
I even tried asking around the stoners but whenever I go up to them they're out. I also notice that all my old friends I used to hang out with ,who were once straight edge, all smoke. Same goes for the people at my church, shit they even talk about it during service. It's obvious that my parents smoked, because the words slipped out from aunts and uncles at family parties, who had too much to drink.
WTF is some weird force of nature holding me back or some shit? Every time I think, "this is it im gonna smoke" ,some stoopid bullshit happens and I don't get to smoke for my first time. I mean seriously everyone does it, why can't I?? It's gotta be the easiest fucking thing in the world to do.

 

tried. One of em got his stash taken away from his parents right after I asked him to buy. Im kinda scared. I mean what if something really bad happens to someone? Like whadif my friend, with a pocket full of weed, walks up to where I am ,to deal, and then gets hit by a bus. I swear it might happen, because someone or something doesn't want me to.

 

I am the purest savior of the world, chosen by a force of nature. I was fate who decided my sobriety. I am STRAIGHT EDGE MAN! LOL no I can't picture that happening.