The opinions of perfect strangers and the sanctity of the anonymity we all share here on The City make for an impressive atmosphere. One where I, a humble animal with a brain developed for more intellectual thought can spew out my incessant ramblings on how shitty my social life is (Buckle up.. You're in for another diatribe ) lol... But really, I've been pondering this daily for many weeks. And I've narrowed it down a bit... I have feelings of exclusion everyday, but these are based on my judgments of those around me. The ones wearing skinny jeans and knitteds are too cool to converse with me; the ones in Sperrys and RayBans are too rich and prepped out to associate with me; the ones in Coogi shorts and unscuffed Air Maxs are too ballin to be my homie. But deep down I could be everyman's best friend. Maybe as an animal I'm weak and not an Alpha-Male but as a human being.... a human being capable of levels of thought only us humans apparently share... Not because I think I know everything without questioning, but rather because I question everything I think I know. Anyways, so I feel excluded in college; This however is all perception. I have never asked these people their opinion of me. Too afraid to ask directly, I am. AS IF IT WOULD FUCKING MATTER. I allow myself to be excluded, thereby I EXCLUDE MYSELF FROM THE GROUP. Isolation not seclusion. There is no solace in isolation, only torment. When I do get into groups I feel pressured, I feel my face turning red. It's terrible. TL;DR: I can't tell if everyone hates me, or if I can't accept the fact that I hate everyone else for actually giving enough shits to at least appear to be happy. Has anyone else felt this tear in your conscience? Where you can't decide if it's wrong to hate people for no apparent reason? Who says such a thought is wrong? Boil it down and you'll get dogmatism or "personal beliefs" and dogmatism is someone else's personal beliefs right? Idunno... The last 2 years have been a personal experiment. I used to be a total fuckwit. Shitting on everyone's day and giving no fucks because I knew nothing mattered. I had my friends and I was fuckin happy. Then I decided to live a life where I would put my happiness on the back burner and do things for others. Try to be outwardly kind to everyone and deal with the repercussions in my own head. Now I feel like shit because being too nice really just gets you walked on, and now I feel like being "too nice" is the only route because I don't want to be seen as a prick now... FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK I'M FUCKED UP?!
This is good, you are venting. You are also high, on a substance some of us like to call "Marijuana" We all do this in our heads, but it is best to write it out on paper, or in this case, type. Go on, if need be.
^ this man is right, write down your thoughts it is truly worth it and I didnt read your entire post ebcause I a too drunk, but I think i got the genreal idea........you think ppl in college dont like you, and why are they seemign so happy,.....i dnno bro, but you should just try to do whatever makes YOU genuiley happy....dont act in a way to make other people happy, act in a way that makes YOU happy dnno if that mkes sense, but I hope it does
Yeah I don't really know what I expected from this post and I even realized that halfway though typing it, but I decided to forge on. Tomorrow I plan on waking up early, getting ready for school and sitting down to focus and meditate before going downtown. I plan on shaking at least 10 people's hands tomorrow and at least exchanging pleasantries and some casual conversation. This is my goal. I will not fail myself.
Dude if you haven't read The Catcher In The Rye you really need too. Totally a great book about cynicism, insecurities, and common human fears. You seem to be a smart guy, don't let people take that with their bullshit. Have a nice day
you wouldnt like me because i wear fresh tees and un-scuffed airmax's. im hurt! even though you clearly judge people at least your taking a step back to look at yourself... you sound like a dick!
The smartest of people are the most likely to go insane. The ones most aware of the corruption and pure evil that practically surrounds us. Yet so many people simply choose not to see it.
I wear Sperry topsiders and I am far from too cool for anyone.. Old men wear em around here, oh and kids who fish. I act like an old man, and I fish Wanna go fishin buddy?
if you go fishing with me i would be happy, i hope you like blunts..... but yea i wear sperry's i just go with the flow if im in a group that talks about sports im talking sports, partying im talking about partying, smoking im talking about smoking, they talking about girly products and such im just creeping and choosing my time to chime in and creep up on that girl and in the words of one of the biggest G's of all time, "Ask you what your interest are, whooo you be with?" lol ignore all of this!!!
Haha, I'm sure you're a stand up guy but just based on my superficial judgments I would likely see myself in an inferior light to thee. It's pretty sad, I wasn't saying I won't be friends with people who dress that way I was giving a more concrete example of my thoughts. People who wear them for their purpose.. of fishing shoes.. are obviously smart. My problem is kids who wear Sperry's and don't know how to tie a clinch knot to keep their hooks on their line. This is unrelated however, my problem is after all this time and all the things I'm experimented with I'm left with these windows of perception left open and I'm disgusted with my own thoughts. So the problem isn't society's diapproval of me, it's my disapproval for myself that I am displacing... This website has got me through many rough times. I've had a lot of personal development just by reading and posting here. Thanks a lot GC. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3hqdUYt6oM]Julian lights it up for Jacob. BAAAAAAAAAMMMMM! - YouTube[/ame] BAAAAAAAM
I love just reading through these kinda posts people blazed out getting all philosophical on life. keep dropping that knowledge guys ima fan
Haha. Yeah I have to say if it wasn't for the herb I wouldn't think this way. Now there are other substances that have opened many other ways of thinking. I used to feel crazy but now I just feel... at the risk of sounding like a cunt.... superior just because I'm capable of projecting so many different possibilities to our shared reality... because really man... reality is subjective. Adam Savage said it best, "I reject your reality and I substitute my own!"
Love blunts man, a nicely rolled blunt can last a longg time. Blunts and fishing go hand in hand. You have evidently set some lofty standards for yourself, and others. I would say this is a good start at recognizing and trying to break down said barriers. You might actually be missing out on some good times by excluding others, you might be being wise, I dunno the people, But if you still saw me and still felt inferior, I am certain it would turn into quite the laugh. Don't fool yourself man, You are just as important as anyone else.
That last sentence is something I've long since discovered and currently trying to accept. I had this problem for a while of thinking that other people had more important thoughts and expressions that I; my thoughts do not have to be profound or insightful. I absolutely enjoy light conversation and have many many inside jokes with my girlfriend and the friends I have kept. The sum of it all is this: How can a cynic live a life happy within our whole society? How can I say that a whole population is selfish when I've only met a sample of the population. Man I've had a fucking good day at school today. Relying on other people for happiness is absurd. When I get home I'm going downstairs and blaze with a friend of mine. I gotta say, it was a good day.