Hey blades, I've been smoking for awhile now and am pretty toasty. I started to freestyle with my friend a few months back and now I just write shit down, whether it's good or not. I saw there was a forum for rap verses and such, but this thread is specifically for people who are learning how to write or just do it for fun and might want to improve so basically ITT: Post lyrics, give feedback, everyone gets something to take out of it --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I swear this city got more pricks than a cactus Bitch so crazy but you know she be the baddest had it had it Man I fuckin had it Leave ya bitch alone I might have ta tap it Hoppin hoe to hoe like a fuckin bunny rabbit Pass it pass it hit the weed and pass it Cut the bitch off it was fun while it lasted Don't play with me, or things finna get drastic Wake up underground in a brand new casket Always gettin money like a fuckin bad habit Grabin them curves like I gotta catchers mitt Don't need toilet paper because I don't give a shit Hit me on the cell, you wont get an answer I'm in another zone, turnin to a new chapter Y'all better watch out I ain't like other rappers I'm so deadly like a case of lung cancer Disaster struck Flint no happily ever after Pastor skipped town cuz it's like a living hell Single mothers abundant, daddy's either dead or in jail Rail another xanny, its the only that keep me happy clique go so deep, way down to Cincinatti go on girl, shake that laffy taffy smokin weed with my homies, Scooby and Shaggy Stole the mystery van, gettin head from Daffnie Laughing as I tie her up and drop the body Go through 15 rounds, just call me Rocky As cocky as they come because I know I'm invincible Got caught having sex in High School with the principle Hoe's stay loyal as long as the money keep comin Empty out your wallet see them runnin So hard to find someone who keep it 100 Comin down your chimney like Ol' St. Nick Got yo girl a present it's called my dick Sick of everyone talkin their shit It's an ugly sight to see I don't wannt go back Outchya grindin' hard tryna make a hunnid racks Keep talkin shit, well here, meet my Mac Relocate yo ass to a fuckin body bag Dragons, fairies, all make believe But I'm about that action so you best believe I see to believe, your words don't mean shit to me I'll send it back down your throat, so you can barely breath Dreamin about the money, hunnies, and the cars Kush got me gone, takin off to the stars Not about violance, no I'm lyin, call me Uncle Scar Lion King, look I'm your majesty Another homie gunned down, such a tragedy Felony at 15, 5 counts of larceny So tell me what the fuck you thought I would turn out to be ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First off just let me clarify that I'm not a novice rapper, I thought this thread was asking tips on getting better but I was misleaded a little. Constructive criticism. Rhyme schemes could be a little more complex, try adding some family rhymes/chain rhymes (2 or more back to back rhymes in a bar) and internal rhymes (different rhymes inside the bars other than the end rhymes) other than the basic slant end rhymes. Not saying it's bad but the rhymes could use some work. The flow was good but it would be better with some good punchlines and metaphors.
Well..... Peace 👽 Headchefs indoor and outdoor adventures! - http://forum.grasscity.com/index.php?/topic/1289059-
Check out my shit, I need constructive criticism. I write in Rap Battle Thread and Post Your Verse. I think my writing is subpar, and needs help perfecting the bar. So please check it out tell me what you think?
Just keep doing what your doing in the Rap Battle Thread. The more you write the better your bars get and the rap battle thread forces you to make up punchlines and metaphors, which is crucial in writing rap lyrics unless your writing something deep. Outside of battling use the trips I gave the OP and try to structure your rhyme schemes with the structure and tempo of the beat.
Not necessarily a novice rapper but not pro either. Not sure what to call myself. I was good at poetry at a young age then decided to begin rapping about a year ago. Im constantly striving to better my craft every day (kinda like goku lol). I struggle to think of what to write about or what to say or even how to say. I usually just sit and see what happens. Here's a 16 bar I wrote the other day: I started from the bottom, but now I'm here, Still coasting through my town like I'm riding in second gear. I see you checking out the scoots, hop on it dear, We'll go top speed to get you outta here. Gotta get out of this town I'm in a craze, No more Mormons at my door and church on Sunday's. Can't sleep, I'm blowing up to the ninth cloud, cops knocking on my door cause they hear the weeds loud. Feels like, I was chosen for this shit, Even when I was a clean kid I still use to spit. Real life assumption man, this shit could be it, Culinary was like OJ, the glove didn't fit. Bitches these days they just try to use you, Just a knotch in their belt like a fucking Pikachu. A virgin in the crowd, now that's some virtue, But a Mormon in the crowd, and they try to convert you. Homie stuck in the pot like my name was tigga, But if he ever needed me, he knows I'm his...Well, I'm sure you can fill in the rest in, Hope y'all enjoyed this lil m night twist end. Taking off my coat I'm tryna get out of the lab, Signing each paper, with a hashtag. People hear the beat and then they turn rampant, Listen while I take you on this lyrical tangent. DeeJay Goldstein
Layering your bars with multiple rhymes is definitely the best advice. However that doesn't mean you should stray from simplicity. Simplicity still sounds pretty good often. 1. Also while its good to layer two or more different rhymes in a bar. Such as. The KUSH makes me GIGGLE AND GRIN When I SMUSH the RITALIN IN (Note that giggle and rital arent perfect, but forced rhymes. If you didnt have kush and smush, the forced rhymes of giggle and rital would be far more obvious, but in this example, with two layered rhymes in each bar the whole thing flows.) 2. It is also good to have multiple rhymes in each bar, but beat the every living shit out of the same rhyme. Or at least the same sound Such as. These bars will smack you DOWN Like a magnum ROUND Hear em SOUND off as they hit you CLOWNS and add POUNDS to the bags that I KEEP you BOUND so that you DROWN with them fishes that you SLEEP with NOW The only two rules i would follow is. 1. Read it when its finished. If reading it forces your voice into a rhythm, and the rhythm doesn't break, then its ready for a beat. 2. Make sure reading it, as if it didnt rhyme at all, still holds the structure of a story or a cohesive thought. The last rhyme could be illustrated as... The rhymes you are hearing are metaphorically like bullets that scream through the air with a sound you can hear before penetrating your funny looking face, killing you, which adds weight to a bag that I tie up and throw into the ocean, with a nod towards a common saying in mafia movies. Lol idk.