[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7xSchrEVrI]YouTube - noog[/ame] i had a better video but youtubes a piece of shit wont work heres the lyrics drop tha bomb full of naplam like the passages of psalms drawn to the mic like a fly to florescent light the beat is tight and if I hear one mutha fucka say zight all im gonna say is night night theres no love without hate no shake no bake put my balls on steak and they still wont break take my rhymes and ill drop you like a bad habit elma fudd vs whisky and the wabbit fuck guns i stab it pop a cap in my ass i wont have it dang fuckin nabit rhymes flowin blood pouin mutha fuckas hit the flo n mo souls are goin toe ta toein hit the dro and down the gin all *****s wanna do is beat us in so beat my chest like mighty joe young tha otha king kung toss grenades like chimps throw dung im all about fun like my boy big pun im at my best when i'm in cardiac arrest aint no test its taylor fest or die the end is nigh no lie light up an l n get high it aint no surprise i devise my plan that includes the black van and fucked up fans itll be a monsta mamma jam unlike my boy cam ill never be whipped by a girls mam aka tam ill get crammed in unfamiler rooms feelin like they tombs in the temple of doom word is born prepare a feast of only corn I am never torn between scorn and harcore porn while you mourn in the sorrow of a happier tommorow i will borrow the mac so i can peel some bacon off a pigs fuckin back and its a fact im puttin bodies in santas sack click click clack i attack all ya heard was SMACK nick nack paddy wack gave my dog ya bones now ya carcass can rest with davey jones death by stones scribbled 36 tomes on the back of mobil domes just like e t I phone home
that was terrible, that was just words there was no stroy behind it and it made no since, use metaphors or something
the whole thing was random punchlines, which didn't sound right, or make sense. work on your rhyme scheme dude, google "how to rap" - seriously, you'll get some tips there, it seems like you just thought of that within 10 minutes. A real song should have a meaning and could take weeks to perfect the lyrics
GTFO of here, DO NOT make excuses for your work, It sounds like what most people would start out writing. DO NOT post in the forum if you want to make excuses and do not take critical comments. You only set yourself up for more flaming bro. It is too much poetry, for lack of a better word, you focus too much on the rhyming words which makes the content make less and less sense. I do not know what zight is but try playing off of the ideas that words aren't plastic and can be used to better a flow. Like instead of: Night night Sight Zight Fight/Flight Try: Armageddon ...You are settin ...Aint no need for your frettin ....And you are letting on ...Forever strong All from armegeddon (if you say it correctly) Go with the language/dialect of your area. EDIT: After that I dont need to rate it. It is hard to see if you wanted sympathy for it from the context ('my first'). I have heard better and I have heard better from people on YT. This is not critical it just reads alot better on paper then it does spoken. This is why you stare at lyrics and have no fucking idea how it flows until you hear it. You essentially have your writing style backwards, if you fix the flow then you got the idea of humor and punchlines.
not to hate but i agree look up some slick rick or even snoop dogg..some shit with a flow and storyline like thats actually well thought out