first high in over a year! wow...I had forgotten

Hey everyone,

I took a few hits tonight after a long weekend/week of work and I had to create an account here and share some of my refreshed thoughts on this miraculous plant (forgive my terrible writing, I'm still blazed like it's my first time). Being high for the first time in so long feels insane, I completely forgot not only how relaxing it is, but how it can bring so much of life into perspective.

I had quit smoking after 2 years of doing it every day because I started to get panic and social anxiety attacks every time I was high. I don't know this all started, but as soon as it did, it seemed like there was no going back. I decided to just stop blazing because it was always an unpleasant experience of tensity and paranoia.

But the social anxiety stuck with me hard. I had originally blamed the anxiety on my first major acid and shroom trips, but in reality, I have been shy all my life and the psychedelics just made me more aware of it. They brought it into perspective and helped me work on it. But after quitting everything all of these doors I had opened in my mind with weed and psychedelics were beginning to close up, and I realized I was falling back into my old self who was just socially anxious without a clue what to do about it.

I continued with this pattern for a year, and finally broke it tonight. I actually have smoked a once or twice in the past month, but it was a recurrence of the old paranoia attacks. Tonight I finally remembered what a positive high feels like, and I'm having all of these repeats of perspective changes and mini revelations from the old days.

I feel like I am at a crossroads right now; I can go back down the road that introduced me more and more to myself, (but it had its negative effects as well, and I was still a socially anxious person then), or remain on the path I'm on and slowly dissolve back into the cultural perspective, losing everything I had gained. I now feel like a more responsible adult but glimpsing back into the world of weed and pyschedelics tonight is causing me to miss the attitude on life I had smoking a j while comin down from a trip, when everything seems so vibrant and mysterious!

Wow...wrote more than I expected to...and after rereading that I think I might be a little crazy. Fuck it, I'm just high

Peace everyone

 

"We're here to be"...I like that. I've had that realization so many times but can't seem to keep the feeling of it while living my day to day life. It's like I can logically try to convince my self of it but the mystical feeling of it won't stay.

Lol, adding to the "I had forgotten" part of my post, I had completely forgotten how groggy I am in the morning when I go to bed sky high. Already overslept class......class is at noon.....*facepalm*.

@Shimmydylan - I'm gonna keep hoping the same thing. The only times I have managed to release all of my anxieties is after very intense and difficult psychedelic trips where I work through a lot of personal stuff. For weeks or even months I keep the afterglow with me, but sure enough, the ego and cultural perspectives start sneaking their way back into my thoughts. One day I hope I find the magic pill, until then, I'll just keep on improving.

Thanks for readin guys