As I have mentioned elsewhere, I had not smoked since December of 1996. That whole thread is here: http://forum.grasscity.com/real-life-stories/520403-havent-smoked-since-dec-96-a.html It had been so long that I couldn’t really remember exactly what the experience was like, and after the decision was made to smoke, the curiosity and anticipation was intense. I finally had the guts to ask an old family friend for a connection – and he gladly rolled me a small J. I was staying at my old empty house (I had moved recently when I got married, and am attempting to sell it) and had the place peacefully to myself. Writing now in hindsight, I can say the experience was just simply intense. Much more than I expected. It was also very peaceful – since I had no reason to worry in my own empty house. I was grateful for a peaceful setting. I had been worried about that. The only negative was that it was hard to have the experience alone. I wished that there was someone to share it with. Maybe next time. Once I had finally tied up all the loose ends for the day, and I was free (about 10:30 pm) I went downstairs and out the back basement door under the deck. It was cold and there was a little snow still on the ground. I pulled out the joint and a lighter, and the curiosity of the moment was intense. It had been so long. I was such a different person now. Could I even smoke anything? My lungs are no longer used to any smoke… So I lit it up. Smoking was easier than I expected. I coughed a little – that very unique snorting cough – and the memory of that sound flooded back. It was only one of many unique memories flooding in. Things I wouldn’t have anticipated. About halfway through the joint I really didn’t think I had experienced much of a high. Part of me was disappointed, and part of me was ok with that. I decided that based on the experience I was seeking, a small buzz was all I wanted anyway. But just to be sure, I took time to make sure I was as efficient as possible with the smoke I started to notice a few oddities in perception. Looking at my hand in front of my face when I smoked, or houses in the distance. Something was happening, but it seemed minor. When I was finished, I knew I was high. But it wasn’t until I went inside that I realized nothing was minor – and I was more than high. As soon as I walked in the door, my brain notified me it was completely undone. I felt like I was walking through a mental amusement park of confusion. It was interesting, amazing, and disorienting. I made my way upstairs and spent several minutes enthralled with the experience, pacing around the house and wildly processing everything I did. Eventually I decided I needed to document what I was experiencing. What I wrote below was from that time. It may seem goofy to do, but to me it was all an experience that I wanted to understand. I have since made no edits to what I wrote other than running spell check. A few comments are inserted between. (FYI - forgive my repetitive use of the word "hilarious" it was a joke to me as I wrote ) ****************** Stoned, A documentary. My mind is repeatedly diluted with intense details of thought, so I will have to speak, or type my thoughts as fast as I can, and with as little consideration as I can. I am already almost completely unable to maintain a cohesive thought. I had the hopes of writing a great something about what I am and have been experiencing. But something like that is not possible. Im going to have to settle with the Jackson Pollock approach Ill type whatever comes to mind, and hopefully it works out… I initially was thinking nothing happened. And its possible that it hadn’t. Soon I thought my perception of space – when I looked at my hand, or as my eyes shifted between near and far that something would “flicker” out of where it should be. But still it seemed minor. The experience was good. Nothing was negative about it. The memories were fascinating. Certain things about a taste or smell that you cant recreate in memory. I enjoyed it. Of course there were flashes of reality when I thought of what I was doing, and that my townhouse neighbors so close. But I felt safe. It seemed mellow and cool then, in the first few minutes. But towards the end something crept over me. I stumbled lightly and smirked as I walked around the backyard. I could tell my brain was lifted. The creep didn’t stop, it pushed slowly on… I went inside and the wows began. An amazing crush of memories colliding with the right now. Not memories of events, but of perception. Nuances of sense and perception that are more internal than external. Its getting harder for me to write right now, Im not sure if I can keep going. My thoughts are getting frustrated by my inability to communicate them. Im even wondering if that sentence will make sense later. Ill just keep going with the flow. Im high. Im really high. And I really want to be able to communicate so much about what that’s like, but there is just no way my stoned brain is going to be able to tell my stoned fingers to do this thing on a keyboard to explain it. I spent several minutes when I came upstairs pacing back and forth, laughing, yelling “wow!” and “Amazing!” and “Dude!”. And then I would laugh. Like the dorkiest Im stoned laugh ever. And then I would laugh. The tiniest thoughts became the most intense “missions”. So many memories. So many distractions. And it was all hilarious. And amazing. And I would yell “Wow!” Like seriously. That s hilarious. Im laughing. For some reason I refuse to use smiley faces. And that’s hilarious. Period. Dude Im stoned. That’s hilarious. Reality check. Earlier I went out to the car to get my laptop so I could type this. That was way more than I expected. I was trying to not smile, cause if a neighbor saw me, I couldn’t keep straight face. It was way more intense than it should be go get my laptop out of my car. And that was hilarious. I debated putting a smiley face there. That’s hilarious. Im so stoned. I don’t think I can do much more. I need a new distraction. Maybe Ill come back later (11:27pm) BTW I have eaten 5 rice crispy treats and fruit punch tastes really really good. Im so stoned. (11:28) Ok that’s hilarious. (I have decided that I will use that world liberally). I looked at my fruit punch and decided to go fill it back up. So I stood up, picked it up and realized it was ¾ full. I laughed. And here I am typing on my Microsoft word “Im stoned” diary. (11:29) I have decided that journaling like this is worthwhile, because I have no idea how much of this I am going to remember. If it comes out lame, sorry. Im stoned. The “intensity” aspect of everything is pretty high. Things seem to feel really “amazing” or “intense”. (11:39) Some things are just so strangely familiar. Just hard to describe. (11:40) My head didn’t fall off. That made sense to me a minute ago and had some reason to make sense – but I have no idea where I was going with that. Oh! Nevermind. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh. that’s hilarious. laughing so hard…. I was thinking about it in terms of I was all worried about what would happen when I did this, and that its ok my head didn’t fall off. Im really high. Did you know you can really wash down a rice crispy treat with soy milk? (11:44) The issue about perception and depth is definitely moved almost into a real visual distortion. Its not like a hallucination, but its like everything is there as it should be, but all of it is just… like you know if you have a single light dim source shining on an object, and you get a sudden flash of light from a different angle, you have a second more intense shadow for a split second, and there is an “out of place” look of that object? If that makes sense, that type of distortion (not the light or the shadow, just the out of place thing) almost seems to be common with everything visually. There is no way I am going to have that make sense. Wow, my neighbors just got into a yelling argument. They are the quietest neighbors ever. Ive heard him say only a few dozen sentences in the 5 years I was his neighbor. And she was also really quiet. So to hear him yell was really really unusual. Freaky. (11:53) ************ At this point, I started to watch the season 5 of 24. I was at my old (empty) house, which has no cable, so I had bought a season of 24 so there would be something to mindlessly watch. I had no updates for the next couple of hours, but the experience continued strong for about another 2 hours. I also ate an entire family size box of rice crispy treats . ************ Mostly sober, going to bed (2:26) ************* I had a hard time falling asleep – my mind was kept awake with the high. Unfortunately, this is the same thing that used to happen to me when I was younger – even after I had smoked for years. Most people sleep better… I slept lighter. That was the case here, too. I even took a Benadryl to help get me to sleep and still tossed and turned. I was really groggy in the morning.
Really interesting read. "BTW I have eaten 5 rice crispy treats and fruit punch tastes really really good." - This made me laugh becuase it just about sums up my highs. And it's strange about the whole sleep thing. I've always found smoking before bed helps me to sleep, perhaps it was becuase it was such a new and exciting experience for you?
I will smoke again, yes. Often... probably not. My life doesn't really give me too much opportunity. But - what I am glad is that the freedom is now there in a way that it wasnt before. I expect that it will be done on occasion. And really, that is exactly what I wanted. The freedom to partake occasionally. And really, that will keep the tolerance low and keep the experiences valuable. I guess the whole idea for me was breaking the seal and having freedom.
You know, actually I always had trouble sleeping when I was a very heavy smoker. Its frustrating... I am naturally a very light sleeper and have trouble anyway. It seems the smoke just makes that worse. I always wished it would help.
That was seriously so much fun to read. I would buy this if it was in book form...and more than one page, haha.
Same here man. my mind just doesnt turn off when im high so i cant sleep. unless its some legit bombski indica or after hella ls of mids. i feel you on that but i just toke earlier, so im coming down when i wanna go to bed.
Interesting read. It was like your first time again or something. Can't believe it's been that long. How often do you plan to smoke? +rep
Thanks man. Not sure how often. "Once in a while", most likely - based on what my life is about and what I want. Personally, I just like the freedom to partake every now and then when the circumstances are good for me. Its kind of like how I have occasionally drank over the past 10 years. Sometimes I would go a month without a drink and not notice. Somtimes I would have one every night for a few days in a row. Sometimes I would go to a wedding party and drink a several margaritas and plan for my wife to drive home No real reason, just freedom.
This will be my first post as a member of grass city! I have been a member for a few days now, and I have been frequently reading through different threads in the forum. Your story was fun to read and inspiring, definitely the best thing i've read on grass city. Its clear you have your priorities together, you know what is important, but you are still willing to make time in your life for the bud! I was pumped to hear you got to smoke again! I sometimes think about not smoking for a while, maybe just a few weeks, just to see how different that next time would be. I haven't gone through with that plan yet, but now if I ever do I will be reminded of your story. Best wishes from NL, Canada!