First ever poem attempt

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by X.P.O.T.X, Feb 13, 2009.

  1. I know its not too good, I really don't know how to make a proper one and my imagination sucks. This was made in a time of great depression so I didn't fully think it through, enjoy anyway!

    "living life amidst a gray cloud,
    my mind screams aloud.

    Since your leaving
    my soul feels dead,
    Everyday reality fills me with dread.

    The future is unwritten
    yet it is already clear,
    This is realized as i shed a tear.

    How can things remain bright
    When you were my only light,
    left me stranded here avoid of sight,
    All you left was night.

    Words of love were spoke
    as my thoughts remain broke,
    others wonder why i cry
    and continue to die.

    They have no idea
    of how i truly care.

    The road of my life stops on a bend,
    just the second i push send..."

    P.S any advice to make a proper one is appreciated.
  2. I think you may have rhymed it too hard for my taste, but overall it was good. I know I certainly don't have the balls to attempt writing a poem, let alone posting it. I don't know much about poems but yeah.

    anyways I thought it was decent.
  3. yeah i noticed it did rhyme a bit much lol, wouldn't be stuffed changing it.

    Thank you anyway :D

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