First Attempt At Poetry

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by squat, Jun 7, 2013.

  1. I'm just gonna type and see what happens..

    Im tired of striving
    I'm tired of trying
    Friends that aren't friends..
    But you're with them till the end

    I listen to Jim and I think
    What is it like, to be him?
    What will it be like, when its over?
    I don't know, let's just not think about it and avoid being sober

    I try to escape what I believe to be my fate..
    I run and I hide, but they're catching up.
    They want me back, maybe as a leader
    But I just grow meaner and meaner
    Am i morphing into something better?
    Or worse?
     
  2. Very raplike. 
     
    You touch on some complex emotions but the execution could be a little smoother. I would look at the rhyme scheme some parts are a little awkward, but most are alright.
     
  3. #3 Akademicks, Jun 7, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2013
    Here's my first poem. I'm gonna call it. "Please Don't Blow My High"
     
     
    I am a smoker,
    Who's probably gonna smoke again.
    Lungs forgive me,
    I said, lungs forgive me,
    For the Sativa that I've put in you.
     
    Sometimes I need to smoke alone.....
    Please don't blow my high....
    Please don't blow my high....
     
    That's just a little taste of it.
     
  4. lmao seems familiar.
     
  5. No it doesn't..... <.<
     
  6. look insida my soul n you can find gold n maybe get rich, hol' up!
     
  7. Oh. That's just ummmmm.....I changed it.
     
  8. Yeah I know it wasn't totally in time, but I kinda liked it with its mistakes in a weird sort of way so I didn't bother to fix it. Thanks dude
     
  9. Yeah I know it wasn't totally in time, but I kinda liked it with its mistakes in a weird sort of way so I didn't bother to fix it. Thanks dude
     

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