finnally.

for years i needed a way to escape the typical highschool drama that we become involved in. but since i graduated and held a job for a year or so, im finding i need to quit buds. my behaviours have always been very ritualistic in a sense. smoke at the same time every day etc. it just made sense; go to school come home and blaze, or blaze before sleeping( this one killed me). but anyways last night was the first night in maybe 3 or 4 years where i did not smoke before bed, on purpose.

now before everyone gets into the whole weed isnt addictive. I know it is not addictive in a physical/ chemical reaction sense; needing a balance of chemicals to maintain mental sanity, as well as all around health.

so personal positive aspects of buds include: less time spent trying to sleep( usually a mild insomniac), i find that i can often relate more to other people when i smoke, i am more able to be objective instead of thinking purely from my personal beliefs, i tend to be alot more kind( offering help etc), time seems to fly by( like 20 hour days instaed of 24), and last but certainly not least its taught me the importance of responcibility, maturity.

but the neg aspects are why i am done.

neg: my anxiety seems to reach rediculous levels an hour or so before bed; if i know the next day will produce an un expected or just plain new task.( the anxiety is probably the strongest reason for quiting)insomnia when not high, loss of ambition, social anxiety( always present), increased temper/ frustration level, not to mention i tend to bottle things up so frustratios pop out at a higher magnitude than they should. ( hitting a red light). fucking money, i tended to smoke just about as much when i was sleeping as when i was awake( wake up every 3 4 hours to smoke and go back to sleep which kills my sleeping pattern)

i honestly feel like a zombie sometimes, smoking 1.5ish grams a day when i am working, and a gram a day when im not seems capable of doing that. i mean if i had different smoking habits it might not be the case but i tend to try and continue a high for as long as possible( basically been high for the past 3 years) the past year more than ever due to increased income.

cliffnotes:

anxiety and other things are getting in the way of my goals, weeds amplifying those traits a little.

decided yesterday morn w. be the last time i will smoke for a little while, and last night was the first time i have been able to sleep with out marijuana in a little over 4 years(insomniac)

i hope to save enough money by not smoking a quater ounce a week to limit my work scheadule durng the school year; instead of having to get 100 a week just to maintain habit.

kid took his bud smoking like a herione addict and payed the price for side effects.

wish me luck; i hope to be able to develope a strong enough mind to be able to resist EVERY time i wanna smoke, and maybe limit it to weekends.

wish me luck sorry for long post.