Been in my relationship nearly 5 years and an incident involving money has me wondering. We currently live together and I finished up my Bachelor's degree last year. Paid for everything myself that I could,. Told my mom and bf (who was willing to offer help at the time) that I did not want help at the time I was getting my 4-year since he was in school and $ was tight with my family since my dad was laid off for a year. Over a year later after graduation, I am stuck at a job that just "pays the bills" and recently decided it would be wise to gain certificates in accounting since my current job is in that realm (about a year of classes). Also about 14 k in debt. Now, as I said earlier, my bf was willing to help while I was getting my 4-year. In our place, he pays all bills and currently has nearly $20 k in total. I pay for groceries and other necessities and I only have about $3 k. I asked if he could possibly help and he said no and I was kind of shocked since he was so willing to help before... He then said I only saw him as a bank and I kept asking for handouts which isn't true. He said this after I said I would tell my mother who had no problem helping by giving $500.00 since I told her I would ask him. While in college, the only major thing he gave me was 1 K for a used car I needed since I had just paid nearly $1,500 out of pocket for school around the same time my final semester. Otherwise, I haven't asked him to buy me clothes, money, or anything else unless he says he wanted to. I am just wondering why he came off this way to me as if he is scrounging for pennies though he has the ability to help, but doesn't want to. Though he was willing before? I don't understand.
he shouldnt be giving you money. at 5 years, it should be both of your money. and only spend "your" money on things that only you need if that makes sense. I also feel in a similar way, however i have a gf with a power complex. and she be tripping balls of late... so yeah. im just getting myself back on my feet, and sticking it out until I am sure its not worth it... sad to say.
No, I don't mind him not doing it. Just the way he said it made me feel like I was using him which isn't true. He also said "His money is his" and that he was losing a lot of $ since moving out, but I am no better off. Hence why I wanted to back to school and I will be going full-time while working full time so it's not like I am just doing a cakewalk.
A relationship that long has become an investment in both of your futures, if you plan on staying together forever that is. I would give the money knowing that I was investing in both of our futures, unless I didn't think things were going to last. If you plan to share a future together you both have to invest in each other, it will pay dividends down the road.
That's exactly how I was thinking. If I didn't want to better myself, I would be coasting and not trying while he keeps paying all the bills. However, that's obviously not the case.
This is something you guys should discuss, hopefully he was just in a bad mood. He must feel like he is putting more into the relationship whether it be financially or something completely different. My wife and I have shared an account since we were dating and we both discuss big purchases and respect each others financial decisions. Maybe, he doesn't feel like the extra schooling is necessary or useful for a financial gain. Something I'm sure you two will be able to figure out.
I have tried to discuss it and he seems set on what he thinks. He said he "can't" do it though he as no loans like I do. Anyway, to me, the schooling is necessary for the simple fact that I was an English major. I have an entry level position at $12 an hour and don't know much else besides what I do at my job.That's why it seemed smart to get more schooling since idk accounting. Also, there are a lot of jobs for it and it just makes sense to have the schooling to go with what I already know. That would make me more well rounded and able to move up.
I agree with the more rounded part but consider what you will be making after a year of working there. If you catch on quick and move up through the ranks fast then the school may be unnecessary. For example after a year of working there you have accumulated that years salary and have received raises, this has to be taken into consideration. I have a cousin that stayed in school off and on for 14 years obtaining a law degree, now she is a secretary at a law firm. If she had done 4 years then entered the work force she would have obtained 10 years of on hand job experience, which cannot be substituted with a degree.
Everyone is different, I know I would help out my gf if she needed it. The way I look at it is it would be saving money since you wouldn't need loans. Idk though, cant really give much advice on other peoples relationships.
My current job has limited growth potential since it's just me and the CFO in that department. The office where I work only has 20-25 people so it's fairly small. Idk how else to get more experience if I am only doing 1 thing and accounting deals with a lot of other stuff idk about. These days, you either have the knowledge or you don't. I was lucky to get my position since I was already working for the company in a different role while in college. Otherwise, I would still be making $9 an hour.
I said the same thing myself. My bf actually insisted I look into loans and I think he's crazy for me to get into more debt after owing 14k. Doing so would not help the situation and I refuse to take anymore loans.
Is there any other job opportunity's in your area that accommodate your degree? I own a steel construction business, I pay a higher opening salary to someone who has construction experience as oppose to someone with no job experience and a bunch of welding certificates. If this is the only way to achieve the higher pay scale then I don't see any other option. Do you have any other skills aside from your degree?
I volunteered w/ Habitat for Humanity, worked as a a janitor through college. Also worked in a warehouse during college (lead to my current job) and 2 marketing internships I did in college as well. Also, no not many opportunities with my degree alone. Unless it's customer service or sales and those 2 are dead ends imo.
Being generous is alright but it ain't cool to let some bitch abuse that...flip it around or ditch er!
I basically told him this and he finally understood. So, he will help. Sucks it took arguing for him to understand the importance of this.
I'm happy you two came to a agreement, you seem like a intelligent person and I'm sure it will better you both.
I know he said he'd help now but I still wanna ask: Did he straight up say no or did he explain why a little?
I know a girl who has been in school 10+ years getting diplomas/degrees in useless fields. Thats probably like 60 grand in school tuition plus if you made say 40k in 1 year. Thats 400 000 of lost money you could have earned.
I know of similar people. my gf seems to be trying to go that way as does her sister.. i just work and work but I feel I am yet nowhere lol. house and mortgage at 20 with multiple cars but only debt to the house. I dont party, but im building my future. EDIT. Will happen with or without her...