finally met the girl of my dreams...some problems...

alright... it's been a while gc. ...could really use some advice... don't think it's possible to make the story short, so we'll see how many people actually read it.

So two months ago I moved out of my parent's house in portland, and moved east a bit in with my friend. well, through him I met this amazingly beautiful, sexy, really intelligent, incredibly sweet, and kinda fucked up girl-.....perfect in every way. the main problem is that she has a boyfriend...a bf of two years, but there are some issues with them. he's become kind of a loser lately....dropped out of school, moved back in with his parents, and isn't really looking for work. also, his parents house is a few towns over..won't go into details about locations, but there's some miles between them. He's also not that interested in her any more. he's kinda bored of her, I guess(I find the thought of being bored of her incomprehensable)...and she's bored of him being bored....but she loves him. :/ idk. my room mate who's cheated on his fiance multiple times says 99% chance he cheats on her by the way that he's seen him act around her.
so, anyway....I come along into my friend's little circle of friends out here, and meet her....we've got chemistry...or something I just remember the first time I saw her was at our little lsd party we had at our house....i was just like....wow. then as I got to know her more I only like her more. sometimes when we've all just kicked it, I just hear her talk and am in awe of how cool and intelligent, and warm she is....okay, I'll try to quit rambling.

So, we haven't quite had sex, but we've made out and stuff about four times...one time w/o alcohol involved. so, I guess that gives me some optimism about our situation. I mean, I know she likes me. the most common things she calls me would be sweet and cute....fuck...she makes me feel sweet.. other things would be cool, interesting, and weird. she knows that I'm crazy about her. I've told her that I've been waiting for a girl like her to show up for a long time.....I pretty much shower her in affection...it really sucks having to act normal around everyone else, because everyone is soooo tight with her bf. and yeah, apparently I'm not that good at acting normal, because people notice, and it's really pissing them off. I'm really being shunned by the group now, and being told the car is full and shit. lol ..whatever. I really don't care about not going shooting or whatever. oh, but my two room mates know, and as far as I know they've told no one. but my friend of six years who is part of the group is really pissed about it. saying I have no morals...yadda yadda...although, I think a major part of it is jealousy,....I think all of them have been hoping to be next in line when she and her bf are finally done. so my friend of 6 years has been kind of a fuck lately...I truly regret telling him anything(although, he caught us making out the first time). pretty sure my good friend of six years is trying to sabatoge me, even though I've told him how happy she makes me yadda yadda...he just calls me "obsessed" with negetive connotation..sorry I actually have fucking feelings, dude....I don't know if it matters to mention that he's a 23 and a virgin, but i've noticed that those in the group who get laid aren't really being cold and shitty to me.

anyway, so I haven't seen her for a week. the last time I saw her....we went to a bar that has a good deal on tuesdays or whatever....lol maybe I shouldn't have given her a flower when we were out smoking, her taking a flower back into the bar in her hair that I gave to her is kinda obvious. lol so she got really drunk, and she's been the only thing on my mind. I ask her if she wants to leave with me to go back to my place or just so I could walk her back to her place(she recently moved back in with her parents). I just like spending time alone with her, plus she was REALLY drunk, so I wanted to make sure she got home okay. so, we walk back to my place, she's got the dress on that drives me fucking insane. and we're stopping like every 20 yards to make out and my hand's up her dress and stuff...and stopping to converse...I recall asking her if she was just fucking with me...like my mind ...if she just enjoyed teasing me....she said definitely not.----okay, flash back a couple weeks before-so, we made out the first time on this porch while having another drunken party with people inside. so, I stop by her place a few days later(I don't have a cell, and she's done it to me twice), and talk to her dad(def a cool guy. I can see how she turned out well.) and he passes on the message that I stopped by. so, she comes by the next night to tell me basically "yeah, drunken mistake. you're cute. sorry." she can tell i'm kinda agitated by this news. I basically tell her that I really like her...alot. we hang out. it is understood that we really enjoy eachother's company. so, we end up just sitting on the couch...she repeats multiple times "fuck my life." because she's trying to hold back(no alcohol this time). so we both lay down on the couch wit our legs facing opposite directions and our heads side by side....anyway, I think I start playing with her hair and we end up making out and dry humping. so then there was another time where we made out a little at another event. absinthe was involved this time....i felt weird....anyway....so back to the walk home the last time I saw her...we get back to my place...she kinda swerved her way there. so we get back to the porch sitting next to one antother in the spot we first kissed. ..so, yeah, we get pretty damb busy on the porch. okay...this porch. ..hard to explain, but there's the door to the house, then there's this outer enclosed porch area that has glass on the top half and wood on the bottom and another little doorway with no door. so we were being pretty indecent in public in the doorless doorway of the porch all on top of her and stuff and so I scoot her over away from it where it's not quite as much in public. ..basically we get naked, I finger her a bit, she sucks my dick a bit, ...pretty much had my dick on her twat about to go in, and my room mate shows back up into the house. she dresses quicker than I and comes to greet him with leaves and shit in her hair. lol. so, he's all fucking drunk and cockblocking me for three fucking hours just fucking up my program(she is cheating and no one is supposed to know.) uhhh...seriously thinking about it makes me wanna punch him in the face..fuckin just go to bed, dude. rrrr... yeah, so when her pants were offf...yeah,,,I really regret not eating her out. so, anyway, he finally starts GOING AWAY to bed. she's lying down on the couch. I go and sit next to her, and am just ...idk...playing with her feet or some shit. idk,...he walks by on the way outside to get some fresh air or some shit and says in a sort of irritated way "you're trying pretty hard, aren't you?" so, i just sit there and I look at the girl of my dreams. she says that I should go talk to him. ...so I do. I don't know what she wanted me to say. so I go out and talk to him. I'm basically like "wtf? she makes me happy what's the fucking deal, man?" and he just tells me about the shit people are talking and how he doesn't like it either"...whatever. so, by the time we go back in, I feel all weird and shitty about going back to the couch...plus my other irritable roommate is up cuz our talking outside woke him up cuz his window was open. so, basically I just go to my room...ponder wtf to do. ..I go back out to the couch and ask her in a whisper if she's still awake. she says nothing. I say good night. and she lets out a sigh that kind of says something hard to describe....lol she is just the sweetest girl... anyway that's the last I've seen of her. she folded the blanket and walked home early that morning.

so, yeah. my room mate basically does nothing at work and spend all of his time online or whatever. so I guess she talked to her on facebook for like an hour the next day...he's a cockblocking son of a bitch, so I'm not sure what info he left out, or skewed or what shit was said about me, but the jist was : she feels like shit about what she's become(this girl is not a slut. she feels guilty as fuck every time we do something. I feel bad for causing her all this trouble and making her feel this way) although part of what she's become ...she might be referring to being damb near the only girl in the group, and how people treat her different. or how she was being pretty flirtatious(sp?) with a number of guys at the bar the night before. ...OR how I saw my virgin room mate kinda grabbing at her ass or hips or some shit when he was cockblocking me. sorry. but that pissed me the fuck off. like cuz she's drunk and has been fucking around with me, she's some kind of slut that fucks around alot and he should try and get some too...rrr...seriously..he just got home. I feel like just walking out there and shoving him into a wall really hard right now from talking about this. ----okay, other things she said. she loves her bf. she's gonna lay low for a couple weeks. alcohol bad...not sure if he said she said she wasn't gonna drink for a long time or what. apparently they didn't speak specifically about me, but I'm sure my room mate hinted all he could that she shouldn't fuck around with me.

so, she's laying low. I haven't seen her for a week. she's all I think about. I don't have a cell phone. everyone is pretty much trying to keep me away from her. pretty sure she's trying to stay away from me too, because it's just easier that way for her.. idk I feel kinda bad for messing around with her so drunk. idk should I? I probably should've just insisted on walking her back home. so, I'm considering moving back to portland and moving in with a friend there. since I moved out here I've been just doing odd jobs...yardwork and stuff. my plan was to come out here and save up and go to school here. ..anyway hard to explain...but it'll be worth moving back to portland if she won't be with me. if she'll be with me, I would definitely find steady employment and go to college here as soon as possible. I'm considering stopping by the coffee shop she works at and telling her what's up. tell her that I want her to break up with her bf and be with me, and that if she's not going to.. then I'm going to go back to portland. idk..I was considering asking her meet me at the elementary school at night to just talk stuff over..as opposed to talking about all this at her place of employment. my irritable non-virgin room mate that's not against me said this would seem desperate...and all I told him is that I was considering stopping by to just say "hi."

so, don't know if anyone read this, but what should I do...i mean if I was with her I wouldn't give a fuck about my annoyingly overly serious bitchy room mates, and bunch of dude's they hang out with being mad at me, all the dumb white trash in this town, the slightly poorer job market, slightly higher tuition, being further away from my parents so I couldn't raid the pantry every once in a while and go back and use their tools and shit. but if she's not with me that shit sounds unbearable...especially since the girl of my dreams is less than a mile away and I can't have her. so, I think I know her well enough to just be honest with her about it. she tells me that I make her feel good and happy and I feel the same way, so I think I should just ask her straight up what she wants to do.

 

yeah, I should probably keep it simple.

yeah, I'll try. but I might move back here after portland's winter term. ...might sound silly...but I might try to go out with her again when I return. It's a long story, but basically I'll be in a better spot spring term if things go well. ...yeah, hard to explain, but she'll be in the back of my mind for a while. if I'm sure I'm not moving back I will attempt to forget about her.

yeah, I understand why you'd quit reading, but if you read the whole thing you'd maybe see a little more how it's hard for us to just be friends. it's like we're magnetized to be close...really close to one another. that's probably why I haven't seen her for over a week. if she wasn't very very tempted, then she'd probably just hang out over here like before. I actually almost wish I could go back in time to before we really did anything so that we could just enjoy each other's company.

but yeah...also feel ya on the whole tainted thing.

I've been waiting for a girl like this to come into my life for quite some time. I imagine it will be over a year before I find another comprable to her. ..it's not like she's the only one, but girls like this are harrrrdddd to find. I'd almost post a link to her fb...the pic is taken from a little ways away, but you can still feel her..... energy in it. you guys would then maybe somewhat kind of barely understand where I'm coming from then. all I can say is that she is undescribable until you get to know her.

damb. I was in a decent mood before checking back on this thread. ...now I'm all just fucking ....eehhhh...:/

thanks for the input and reading my ramble, guys.

 

So, I don't know if this is just the weed talking because I don't smoke that much anymore and I've been smoking more the past couple days, but I'm considering just leaving w/o saying anything. I just have to call up my buddy in Portand and make sure I've got a place to get back on my feet, but once I do and it's fine, then I'm quite sure I'm leaving this town. I may drop by the coffee shop....if she's not working then I'll probably just ask them to pass on the message that I'm going back to Portland and came to say "bye." If she's there I'm probably just gonna say that I'm pretty sure I'll say that I'm quite sure I'm going to move back, but not 100%, and ask her to hang out/talk one more time...idk...I think leaving w/o saying anything or just passing on the message would work best in the long run...like it might leave her wondering...probably missing me quite a bit-wondering if she missed a really good oppurtunity for something that would've made her really happy...apparently she doesn't converse etc. with any guys like she does me(including her bf). I imagine it's not good to think about one girl for six months, but I imagine I'll be back here by spring term. and also, her relationship probably just has to run its course. she said she didn't want to end it with any nastyness, and she was on the road to doing so from what she was doing with me. but, until then I need to find a girl and just "get my dick wet" in order to keep my mind off of her somewhat. although, even if I find a new girl that's really great, this one that I made the thread about is going to constantly be on my mind for quite some time.

 

okay...i've got an update...well...sort of. went to a party a couple days after the last post. she was there, as was her bf. ...sucked. I hear I didn't look too cheerful. she pretty much ignored me the whole time. ..I don't blame her. I think having me and her bf in the same room makes her pretty uncomfortable. we only had one small convo that I initiated about her taking over the business that she works at. so, I came home kinda drunk and really pissed off. went to portland for two weeks to get some perspective and other reasons besides the girl(really can't say too much on here). came back and have only seen her once when she came over with her bf, probably only came not to seem like something weird went on. she acted prettty....I guess you could say cold to me, comparing to her warm nature that I used to know. so, that's all that I've seen of her. I have not talked to her in private since our last little time together. I have brainstormed over and over the reasons why she hasn''t been around and why she acts different around me. I'm pretty sure it's kinda like how if you get clean off heroin, you don't wanna go just chilling around your dealer's house and stuff. I mean, she enjoys getting drunk, and getting drunk with me and then getting some time alone basically spells trouble. plus, I don't think she hangs around here because my room mate is a dick, and my friend/room mate who introduced me to her then jealously cock blocked me that last time acts kinda different around her now since our incidents that occured....or possibly she's just lost all attraction for me. but I'm pretty sure she'd hang out here and be her nice normal self and not have to act all extra cold around me. y'know she'd be all nice and such and be like like "oh we can just be friends. I like hanging out with you." ...but no. nothing. cuz the 2nd time we did stuff she originally came over and said that the first time was a mistake and it wasn't gonna happen again.

anyway..she takes over and owns the business that she works at really soon(again. sucks I can't really add details cuz of la policia). I was gonna give her a couple days to get adjusted to owning it as opposed to showing up the first day I know she'll be there(doesn't get alot of hours)...and then I don't know what I'll say. don't know if I'll lay on the sweet talk that got me this far, or just play it cool more and just say that I miss hanging out. no matter what I've basically decided that I'll apologize for making her life all fucked up and weird, and I'll say that I'm here for her if she ever needs anything or anyone(don't know if I mentioned not having a cell phone, but I've got one now)....but yeah...don't know about the other stuff that been milling about my head. like how I said play it cool...ummm ...like basically lie that I'm not gonna make any more moves to get her to hang out with me w/o feeling guilty and then make more moves and shit as when the time is right. or I don't know whether just say that I feel like the happiest/luckiest(seriously, I wish you guys could see what I'm talking about. she just exudes this...idk how to explain) guy in the world and nothing would make me happier than to make her happy. idk. if I play it cool I think i'll just also mention how I like hanging out with her alot, and I almost wish nothing had happened so that we could just go back to how things were and just still hang out. not gonna give her an ultimatum, but might mention how I'm thinking of going back to portland. might add how having all those miles between us will make it easier for me...I suppose that falls under the not playing it cool category.

yep, still don't know what she's thinking. I plan on finding out within a week. well, maybe not. I get the feeling she's thought about how to just stay cool aroiund me and not let me get too close. ...sucks. I remember the days when we'd sit there and drink wine on the porch and during silences we'd ask eachother what we were thinking about...but not anymore.... damb..... fuck my life.

 

because I would make her feel loved and not ignore her calls and texts while out of town for weeks at a time. plus, she feels guilty as fuck about everything, and I don't think she wants to feel that guilt ever again.