Ideally some of you will have been through similar situations and come out of the other side successfully. So im in love with a girl and shes in love with me, lets call her R. R is really badly mentally affected by what her ex did to her (physical/sexual/mental abuse) and finds it extremely difficult to trust me. We tried a long distance relationship, but between (lack of) money, the distance and a lack of trust it was always going to crash and burn. That ended about a year ago. We see each other every couple of months mostly because we miss the fuck out of each other. On another point, I haven't had sex since we broke up (including with her), and last time I saw her she asked me if I had. R said she was glad I hadn't and said that she couldn't even handle me kissing someone else. What im asking is, how do you help someone in that sort of mental state? I REALLY want to be with her and promised her im not going to give up, she knows how fucked her thinking can get and is shit scared of giving me her love for fear of me being like her ex.
[quote name='"SidelineHero"']You beat the fucking shit out of her ex. [/quote] Second this slap his face with a leek my first grow 250w wardrobe widow http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-marijuana-growing/1135257-first-grow-auto-widow-wardrobe.html
You need to be EXTREMELY careful when dealing with these types of people, i've been in close contact with MANY of them exhibit behaviour like your saying at first, but then become slowly and slowly more dependant upon you, until it's all your fault that she's in this state. This is pretty much the way the human pysche works..Until she can get help or get over it or do something..But the biggest thing is time, in that, in time it may go away, or in time it may turn into something that will NEVER go away. At any rate, theres just way too many options for anybody to give you any real solid advice, all we can do is support whatever decision and thought process you have in mind. Don't get hurt man!
Just keep treating how she needs to be treated, reinforce the fact you think shes beautiful, dont fuck her over and shell eventually come around
Can I take back the leek comment and be helpful. My ex was similar, it tales time and alot of work. Hell sometimes she will never come around. Being abused can cause real trauma. We are rooting for you (lol punl) my first grow 250w wardrobe widow http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-marijuana-growing/1135257-first-grow-auto-widow-wardrobe.html
Trust me, she will NEVER tell me who her ex is for that reason. Her family are pretty scary fuckers so im not sure I would get the chance to hurt him if they found out what he'd done. Thanks for the positive feedback though guys, one thing I have realised is that i cant catalogue my every move for her, as that is a relationship with ZERO trust. She saw some stuff on facebook,(which is seeming more and more like the root of all evil!) her mind automatically assumes its something (just a girl posting something harmless on my wall) and mine and R's conversation will end with her texting me with something like "...I know your fucking lots of girls. This is the end...." "...Go away you dont care about me.." Stuff like that used to break my heart but im almost accustomed to her saying it and leaving me basically damage controlling the situation. She admits herself that its a constant fight of trying to push me away, she basically sets up situations like this trying to make me walk away and prove that i don't love her. In situations were she is accusing me of something, is it better to show her everything to prove ive done nothing or ignore her and not show her?
[quote name='"Thewastedyouth"']Trust me, she will NEVER tell me who her ex is for that reason. Her family are pretty scary fuckers so im not sure I would get the chance to hurt him if they found out what he'd done. Thanks for the positive feedback though guys, one thing I have realised is that i cant catalogue my every move for her, as that is a relationship with ZERO trust. She saw some stuff on facebook,(which is seeming more and more like the root of all evil!) her mind automatically assumes its something (just a girl posting something harmless on my wall) and mine and R's conversation will end with her texting me with something like "...I know your fucking lots of girls. This is the end...." "...Go away you dont care about me.." Stuff like that used to break my heart but im almost accustomed to her saying it and leaving me basically damage controlling the situation. She admits herself that its a constant fight of trying to push me away, she basically sets up situations like this trying to make me walk away and prove that i don't love her. In situations were she is accusing me of something, is it better to show her everything to prove ive done nothing or ignore her and not show her?[/quote] Show her but dont keep showing her. U shouldn't have to but at the same time you want to help my first grow 250w wardrobe widow http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-marijuana-growing/1135257-first-grow-auto-widow-wardrobe.html
Well, if she hasn't seen what you've done already and she's tripping on you, telling her about it probably isn't going to help. This isn't about you, remember? Stay vigilant!
As craZy as this sounds. Hear me out. Get a but pissed next time she accuses you, say your not sure if u can go on being accused and treated like this. I was in the same situation and it made her snap out of it and try to move forward cs she realised she would lose me my first grow 250w wardrobe widow http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-marijuana-growing/1135257-first-grow-auto-widow-wardrobe.html
good luck. that's tough. props to you for making an effort, though. that's sweet. hopefully she realizes what she has, and motivates herself to get better. i wish you happiness.
Not sure your on the same page with what was i was tryna say! What I meant was....say she reckons i have been cheating with someone, so i show her everything she needs to realise that nothings going on. Is this just feeding her insecurity? I want to help her trust me, not have a relationship that turns into 24/7 surveillance, as that wouldn't be healthy for her or me.
[quote name='"Thewastedyouth"'] Not sure your on the same page with what was i was tryna say! What I meant was....say she reckons i have been cheating with someone, so i show her everything she needs to realise that nothings going on. Is this just feeding her insecurity? I want to help her trust me, not have a relationship that turns into 24/7 surveillance, as that wouldn't be healthy for her or me.[/quote] Be supportive but dont let her walk all over you. You still have the right to a good healthy relationship and being accused of something can be very hurtful my first grow 250w wardrobe widow http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-marijuana-growing/1135257-first-grow-auto-widow-wardrobe.html
I get where you coming from. Alot of the time I tread carefully around her because when i did shout and slam a door once, she literally broke down thinking i was going to hit her. I find it pretty hard to even raise my voice slightly around her nowadays...
I would look for a new girl. It's cool wanting to help someone but you deserve to be happy. She needs therapy an without it she won't learn to cope with her experiences.
[quote name='"Thewastedyouth"'] I get where you coming from. Alot of the time I tread carefully around her because when i did shout and slam a door once, she literally broke down thinking i was going to hit her. I find it pretty hard to even raise my voice slightly around her nowadays...[/quote] You both have to meet half way. You cant blow out but at the sane time she cant take everything as you being like her ex. hope you nail it man it will be worth it my first grow 250w wardrobe widow http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-marijuana-growing/1135257-first-grow-auto-widow-wardrobe.html
[quote name='"Shaaaft"']I would look for a new girl. It's cool wanting to help someone but you deserve to be happy. She needs therapy an without it she won't learn to cope with her experiences.[/quote] Not everyone finda therapy useful man, some people need others my first grow 250w wardrobe widow http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-marijuana-growing/1135257-first-grow-auto-widow-wardrobe.html
Trust me, been there done that know that. You never know if it will help unless you try. Someone who has been through so much an won't seek help usually can show they are strong willed an think they can get through it themselves. The ones who constantly seek help are the ones who have know will. Words from a wise therapist(anger therapy, I ain't no crazy!) But I think she would respond well by talking to someone who won't judge her. It's hard to try an help someone when you only know part of the story.
[quote name='"Shaaaft"'] Trust me, been there done that know that. You never know if it will help unless you try. Someone who has been through so much an won't seek help usually can show they are strong willed an think they can get through it themselves. The ones who constantly seek help are the ones who have know will. Words from a wise therapist(anger therapy, I ain't no crazy!) But I think she would respond well by talking to someone who won't judge her. It's hard to try an help someone when you only know part of the story.[/quote] Ive also been there due to social anxiety and depression. I found my councillors little help and found my closest people helped me back But hey were all different my first grow 250w wardrobe widow http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-marijuana-growing/1135257-first-grow-auto-widow-wardrobe.html
Good for you man, I found that talking to a complete stranger allowed me to open up an I could tell her that I pick dingleberries out of my ass every morning an she would know what to reply with. The OPs situation is way different than ours. A current long distance friendship is kinda running his life. How long have you been chasing this girl since your break up OP?