Feeling...

Discussion in 'General' started by Weed Thins, May 2, 2011.

  1. #1 Weed Thins, May 2, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2011
    I dunno. I smoked up with my brother today... he told me that my dad has been asking him if I "do drugs." >.>

    I don't know if it's just the mood I'm in or what, but that really pissed me off. I don't know why it should matter, especially since he wants to act like I don't matter and that I only exist to clean his house. They don't treat me like I'm a part of a "family." I've told him time and time again that we are NOT a family, we are four people sharing living quarters.

    I have hated my mother for as long as I can remember. I don't respect her, although I respect her title of "mother," so I don't treat her badly like she does to me. She has abused me physically and mentally my entire life because of the abuse she endured as a child, but that doesn't make it right.

    Most of the time, I'm pretty happy with my life. I just, I dunno... times like these get to me. I feel like, like I don't matter.

    So I've eaten four times in the past week and a half, and that's just cus I get free food at work. They don't buy food for the house anymore, so not only does that mean no food for me, but no food for my brother! They go out to eat with their friends and blow money on EVERYTHING but us. How is that right? I dunno.

    The more I think about it, the more I laugh at the thought of "family." I don't really have a family... I used to think I could turn to my dad for anything, but lately... it's like, he's not MY dad anymore, I don't matter to him anymore. That uh... that sucks, and it hurts.

    My brother and I have been getting closer since he's been smoking with me so, eh... although he thinks I'm going to turn into a junkie, like my guy's brother. I'm not... I just FINALLY found something that makes me relax, calm down, and just... breathe.

    And my guy, I dunno about him either. Things seem alright for now, I just don't know how long that'll last. I'll never be who he TRULY wants. I'll never be the love of his life, because that's some bitch that treats him like shit and doesn't care if he dies or not... it's just not fair.

    I haven't asked any of them for anything for months now, and all I asked is for about twenty graduation invitations and I get these crappy print out ones from Wal-Mart. It's not that they can't afford it, they just didn't wanna blow their money on me. That wouldn't really bother me except for the fact that... I think I deserve better. I graduated early with a 3.9 GPA, I was in honors and AP classes all through high school... and I get this crap?! I dunno.

    Anyway, sorry to rant like that... things just get to me sometimes.
     
  2. Might be best to just move on and get your own place
     
  3. That's what my guy keeps telling me... but I mean, I'm a college kid. I only get about 20 hours a week, that's roughly $150 a week, I can't move out on that.

    I've been looking for a new job lately. Just, I don't know. I need to just leave.
     
  4. #4 Flonkas, May 2, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2016
    Maybe rent a room out of a house?
     
  5. I haven't really looked into that quite yet. I found these apartments that are income based rent, but not like "the projects." They seem pretty nice, I've gone on tours of a few of them. But still, I would still have to pay electric, cell phone, food, gas, insurance, water... so much, it's overwhelming.
     
  6. I'm sorry to hear that your family treats you the way that they do, and that you have to live in that type of circumstance. You're feeling unappreciated, like no matter what you do to try and gain your parents attention, that they never return the feat you accomplished with any praise. Day in and day out, this makes someone feel less than that of a person, no matter what they accomplish in their lives.

    However, the thing you aren't realizing is that you have absolutely nothing to prove in this lifetime than to anyone but yourself. Understand that you aren't going to please your parents with anything you accomplish, because they are unable to see that because they're too self centered. Okay, that's their problem, don't make it yours. Also, we tend to mirror our parents (and other peoples) actions because it makes them more rational, which your post portrays both self-pity and slight self centered-ness.

    Make your graduation about you, and stop trying to please your parents. Don't put it on yourself to make sure that you do everything you can so they can see you with the perspective that they want you to, because it will never happen; not unless they have some type of dynamic breakthrough, which will usually only happen when something bad happens to them. Prove to them that you are everything that you can be, with or without drugs, and that it doesn't effect your daily lifestyle. Prove to them that you have the ability to make it successfully on your own without their help. Prove to them that you are the child they wish they would've paid more attention to whenever they finally do decide to evaluate their lives, because there comes a time in everyone's life when they analyze their actions to a point where they are unable to forget them.

    Never try to play a broken record, because it will always sound the same each time.

    Good luck, I hope you make it.
     
  7. I'm sorry that sounds no fun! things will turn around at some point in time you just have to hold on for that time to come! Why don't you try going away to college? it's a beautiful thing and you get the hell away from "family"! :)
     
  8. I'm pretty much in the same boat that you are minus the college part. I don't get along with my family at all and every time I talk to them it always ends in a fight. Best bet is getting a good friend or 2 together and rent a place together so you could afford it and still have some spending money. Thats what i'm trying to do anyways. good luck though with whatever u decide
     
  9. #9 Ska, May 2, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2011
    That GPA bought you a ticket to hop on the deserving train to wherever you desire, your not there yet. That's a lot more than most could even fathom how to obtain.
     
  10. I dunno. I'm feeling somewhat better. I know how completely self centered and spoiled that post sounded... I just had to vent to someone, haha. It's not about them... at all, I've made it a point in my life to not worry about them or what they think... in the end, I'm all that matters. I mean, I'm the only person that I'll have to answer to while I'm on this earth. Just kinda sucks that just because I'm 18, they stop doing anything for me... at all, even provide food! Just doesn't seem right.

    Anyway, I'm gonna go and apply for this job I heard about where I'm guaranteed 40 hours a week.
     
  11. You have nothing to worry about... intelligent people tend to overcome problems with ease that life throws at them. That's what smart people naturally do... they solve shit.

    The majority of people go through that strugglin' time ... it's life, and natural selection will take care of the outcome. You've already been dealt a winning hand, so let the person below you carry the worry of failing and being homeless because it's silly and unnecessary for you to.

    Good thing I'm not at this point in life yet where I have to struggle... but it's coming soon :( :D
     
  12. Oh I know what you mean. I'm not TOO worried about things, I just... I don't want to stay somewhere like this, where I'm treated like shit, you know?

    I'm going to make sure I start saving up money and looking for apartments and whatnot.

    I just, I don't want to leave my brother in a place like this. I'll take care of him, my college isn't TOO far from here, neither is my job.
     

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