Feeling disconnected from myself.

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by MrMoney, Sep 15, 2008.

  1. I have been doing a lot of reading lately on many things such as String Theory and things like 2012, ect. I really like that it has opened up my mind and made me view things differently, to a certain extent.

    Here's where it gets scary though. It really has started to mess with my head. Whenever I get high, my thoughts start to really mess with me and make me think of how insignificant I really am. It has even made me forget that I'm a human and convinced me that I'm just thoughts in my head. I have even had full blown panic attacks and ego death because of it.:(

    I have even started to question my sanity while sober as well, because I have been having the same thoughts. It just doesn't cause me to panic when I'm sober.

    Some background on myself:
    I have been smoking for almost 3 years now, at least twice a day. I have medical marijuana for my stomach, which it has really helped with and almost cured.
    I used to be prescribed Valium for about 6 months before I stopped cold turkey. That was almost a year ago though, so I don't think that's causing the panic attacks.

    I'm going to try taking like a month T-break as I haven't gone more than 4-5 days without smoking for over 2 years. I'm hoping that it will help clear my mind...

    Anyone with any advice or words of wisdom is greatly appreciated. I really don't want to have to give up the herb, as it is such a great medication for me physically.
  2. (this might be hard to believe, but) it's probably mostly your age. As people go through certain stages in their lives they feel a lot of upheaval and confusion.

    Getting close to thirty causes it a lot, especially if you aren't married with kids at that age.

    So it's normal. :)

    You aren't insignificant. You're the product of three and a half billion years of evolution. If any one of your ancestors over the last three and a half billion years hadn't survived long enough to reproduce you wouldn't be here today. That makes you pretty damn special.

    It also means your genes have got what it takes to survive in this crazy world of ours, and to continue themselves to the next generation.

    Keep reading and learning about what interests you. A few years ago I got interested in what makes humans universally find some things aesthetically appealing and other things disturbing - like why do we all find scary music "scary", and why do we all find "haunted houses" creepy. I read a lot about how certain shapes and dimensions affect our brains and the theories on why this happens. It just interested me at the time but now I'm really pleased I researched this stuff, it changed my perspective of the world and it makes me a bit unique coz not many people bother to question these things. ;)

    Don't worry about the confusion man, as you move from one comfortable place to another you have to go through confusion in order to break down your old routines and mindset and to establish new ones.

    Enjoy your TB, I hope you find it useful.
  3. I was looking at the similar threads at the bottom of the page, and I think I may have found out whats wrong...


    ^ That thread describes a lot of what I'm feeling. It also makes sense that it would happen to my mind right after my stomach started feeling better. My mind was always on my stomach everyday, because of my IBS, and now that I'm feeling almost 100% better my mind is kind of taking a break and that may be what I'm feeling.

    I was blaming it on the things I had been researching lately, which could of been a contributing factor as well. Most likely it is just Depersonalization. I hope I get feeling better soon!!
  4. Thanks soo much for the kind words man! I'm hoping to be feeling better here soon!:)
  5. I went through it once myself, I couldn't work out why I felt out of place all the time, it was really weird. So I didn't hesitate to go talk to a counselor about it.

    Just talking it over helped a lot. It was her who told me that it's really normal as you're approaching 30. I didn't want to talk it over with my buddies coz that's not what they're there for. They aren't trained in that sort of stuff anyway. lol

    GL man!! Life's really different from what it seems at first, it's all about up's and down's and being confused and finding answers. They don't teach you that sort of stuff at school! ;)
  6. Thanks so much for all your help! If it continues, I am definately going to talk to someone about it.
  7. To the original poster, I am currently finding myself in the very near same place as you are, reading and understanding such esoteric ideas as string theory and consipiracy theory really is a racking toll on the brain, that contemplation of the mind surprisingly takes up a lot of energy .. and sometimes I find myself getting headaches from thinking about it long enough ..

    May I ask if you are receiving that MMJ for your IBS symptoms? Because I too, suffer from IBS - worst condition to ever fuck with my life.
  8. Yes, I have my medical marijuana prescription for my IBS. It really doesn't bother me anymore though, with the exception of the occasional cramp.

    The confusion in my mind seemed like it happened right when my stomach got better as well. Almost like I traded the two off. My stomach used to be on my mind 24/7 because of the pain. I have a feeling that may be what is causing the confusion in my brain, because for 2 years or so I thought about my stomach everyday, for most of the day. I think my brain might just be adjusting to being normal again.

    It was just coincidence that I started to research the conspiracy theories and such when my stomach got better, and it definately got me looking at things differently. I'm sure it didn't help the fog that my brain is in now.

    I just hope I snap out of it soon, as this reply was hard enough to write in the state I'm in. I hate having to have intellectual conversations at work, because it's hard as fuck to talk to people like this.
  9. I'm going to try laying off the ganja for a week, and let my body restore its natural balance. I'm sure a week off of the ganja will help clear my fogged mind.
  10. you are insignificant

    so is everything in relative to something, so don't worry about it - find beauty in insignificance

    for instance - something as insignificant as yourself can still question the origin of the universe and the mind

    don't let insignificance stop you from feeling happy and from feeling love - embrace your insignificance - your worthlessness in the grand scheme of things, and know that in this moment, no matter what, you are alive and there is nothing that compares to being alive

    you said you experienced ego death - do you know how many people strive to reach such a profound level of consciousness?
  11. if youve been reading up on 2012, i assume youve been reading about that religious hoohar bout jesus coming and its the end of the world, well honestly, i feel that religion brain washes people to feel insegnificant so they can get more followers and thats the main reason why religion still thrives today.

  12. if jesus actually does come, it will be a long time before he brings any of today's self proclaimed 'christians' with him
  13. I'm there, man. It's turned me into a bitter, humorless introvert. I can't enjoy weed, people, music... its all fucked up. I know its a mind game, but yeah, you're not alone.

    Good words amsterdamage

  14. The question of us being significant or insignificant is one of life's greatest paradox. You may feel insignificant because we are one fraction of a microsecond in the universe, and we are a fraction of a particle in a huge time of events, such as the formation of the universe, the big bang, the string theory, the apocalyptic end of the world said to come at 2012. And the universe is so vast. I know exactly how you feel. I felt once before.

    But when I felt it, I didn't feel bad or insignificant in a bad way at all. In fact, I started thinking of just how SIGNIFICANT I am. Though we are nothing but small fractions of particles in the wind called the universe and life, we are actually something to everyone and everything. You may find it hard to believe, but if you were to disappear from the face of the Earth, your life would affect many MANY others. You have absolutely no idea. If you want to get an idea of just how significant our lives are, grab a book called The Lovely Bones. This book sort of reinforces my idea of the paradox. We are nothing but fractions of a second in universe time, but we can literally live a lifetime in a fraction of a second. If you have ever been close to dying you would know what I mean, but either way I hope you understand what I mean.

    So yes, we are insignificant. But ultimately a paradox has no absolute meaning. So if you choose to live your life as an insignificant particle of dust it is your choice. Just remember that we are also not insignificant. Our lives have impact on other lives, and can for generations to come. Think of how fate works. If you were to disappear from the face of the Earth, whose lives would you affect? Which lives would you bring together, and what sort of turn events would your life bring about. It's your life, live it to the fullest just as it is and don't sweat any of the shit that seems to be a big deal, because even though it feels like it is, ultimately it is not.
  15. we, meaning this planet and everything in it, are just made of stardust. eventually, on long enough of a scale, we will be stardust once again.

    everything is insignificant, but everything is part of all of it.
  16. Yes. This man speaks the truth.
  17. Thanks for all the kind words everyone. It really has helped.:)
  18. mabey we're all just stupid and nothing makes any sense at all.. smoke weed?

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