I know a lot of you probably probably don't want to read this lol, so I'll let you turn back now... Anyways, tl;dr version: I broke up with a girl, and am feeling sad =[ I'm bored, let me see the long story version: Well yeah, I'm feeling down today. I used to live in a town in Norcal near the capitol. Anyways, there was this girl(Referred to now on as BA) there that I was friends with(met her around the middle of the year in '08), I def. felt feelings for her, and I suspected she might feel the same, but I didnt act on it or anything. At the end of the year(11/08), I left the town and moved to my moms in Australia(long story lol) I didn't stay n contact with many of my friends, except for my closest few. Anyways, one day around early last year, I logged into my myspace to see that she left me birthday wishes...4 months ago. I felt bad cos I never responded, so I sent something back and yeah, flipped a few comments but nothin. Anyways, at the end of the year, I moved back to California, but to SoCal(where I lived before Norcal; home, etc.). Anyways I found and added her on FB, and we started talking and hit it off pretty quick. So yeah, I entered a long distance relationship with a girl 400 miles away. It was great though, we texted, cammed, phoned, MSNd, etc. for about a month, and the chemistry was great, I already knew her a bit, so it was easier to get involved quicker. In fact, she would text or IM me first 80% of the time. Was great, except we weren't actually together, we were 400 miles apart. This, as you can imagine, created problems. Multiple times we discussed that it would be much easier if we were actually physically together(in same town or next town over) and I even considered saving up money to fly up for a weekend(broke and cant get a job cos no car and live in rural community, living rent free while im at college). So yeah, anyways about a week ago, her internet got shut off, which created problems(video chat just barely makes it, so you can imagine how only e-mail, texts, and occasional phone call works out...) Anyways, the last few days I could see that tension building up I guess, and anyways last night I sent a few texts and got no response, so I said fine, im going to bed. like 5 minutes later I get a texts saying sorry, I was writing a paper, so I said, oh ok, ill let you get back to it then, then she asked if I was mad at her? and I said no I thought you were mad at me... a couple of texts later and we end up on the phone... Yeah, I could see this coming..but still hurts. Anyways, we small talked for a few minutes, and then discussed the long distance thing. She was feeling wierd about being in a relationship where Im not actually present, and well I couldn't not agree with her, it was wierd. She seemed really sad and started being all like 'i suck at relationships, i havnt been in a proper one for years, ill never be in one =;(, etc.) so well yeah, we established that we still wanted to stay in contact and then we said bye(that bye was painful, I felt like shit and I could tell she was on the verge of crying) and well.. GC THIS SUCKS. I'm coping pretty well I guess... but it's 10 in the fucking morning the next day and 99% of my thoughts today have been about her, I'm trying to entertain myself with top notch music. No fucking around with 'discovering new artists'. No fuck that, I'm playing Zeppelin, Floyd, Marley, and the like all day. But fuck, I just don't know what to do, I can only mask this sadness and feel this fake happy that Im trying to force upon myself for so long... I really like her, and I always miss her almost immediately after we stop talking.. but...I know in my head that it was doomed from the beginning. I had saved up about $90 towards travelling up there, but now I don't know. I mean, my sister and some old friends of mine also live up there and I would love to see them, but my primary reason for going up there was too see her. I'm just confused about everything... Sorry GC for wasting your time with my blabbering, but respect to anyone who actually read through that whole thing.. I just feel shit and this is one of my ways with coping I guess...
It happens man. I met this girl a little over a year ago, she was living in Queens at the time but was originally from Florida and we had good chemistry, so we were kinda seeing each other, and it was nice, but never truly official. The only thing was she wasnt going to be living here permanantly, at first it was only supposed to be a vacation but she ended up stayin so she could help out at her uncles shop, but it would only be a matter of time before she went home. I held out hope that it wouldnt happen, but it did, and although I was crazy about her, I tried to downplay it cause we werent an actual couple, but deep down I was hurt cause she was fly as hell and I really liked her. I shoulda cut my losses there, but I stayed in contact with her, and she was even still talkin a small bit of game to me on occasion and vice versa, but it only kinda hurt more cause I knew I'd never actually get to see her one last time, and kiss her, and all that shit. Ultimately, she got with someone I'll assume is an old flame, and that was it for me, I was crushed, which is kinda stupid because I'm up here, and shes down there, and honestly, theres no shortage of women up here, thats just what I get for caring this time.
What happens when things don't quite turn out the way you'd expected? : smoke some weed, get awesome, and contemplate your life expectancy. If your chances of living past fourty is a quarter to none, maybe plan for marriage and have some kids? But I doubt that this is your case. Move on, there are an abundance of love waiting to be discovered. You just have to discover the courage to accept this love when it slaps you in the face. Don't be scared though. Nothing hurts more than pondering, "what if". Live!
Just went on my Facebook do discover I've been poked by her. Goddamit, this is sending me mixed messeges! I really wish I had even a single bowl right now....