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feel like I fucked up my mind permanently

Discussion in 'Apprentice Tokers' started by anp2004, Jul 1, 2009.

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  1. #1 anp2004, Jul 1, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2009
    Hi i joined just to see if anyone can help me figure out what my problem is.

    First of all, i've smoked pot probably 7 or 8 times in the last 2 years and when i did got pretty hi off of a few bowl hits which i deeply inhaled and held in because i wanted to get as hi as possible.

    Anyways, almost a month ago i had a very bad experience. I was with a group of people smoking a blunt and got really high but it wasn't a very fun hi for some odd reason. I was also very drunk as it was after the bars, but this is typically the case when i go to this group of girls house to smoke.

    I ended up going home and going to sleep. Probably an hour after falling asleep i wake up with unbearable Paranoia which i try to fight for what seemed like hours but was probably about half an hour. I had no control over my thoughts, every thought seemed unbearably bad, and i basically felt like i was in hell. I feel like i now can relate to and feel remorse for people who completely lose their minds and become schizophrenic from this 30 minute time period.

    Small attacks the next 3 days

    Anyways, the next 3 days i had small panic attacks that i controlled but really bothered me. One came unexpectedly while watching "Street Kings" during the funeral scene. It seems so weird to me that this scene would subconsciously trigger a small panic/ loss of ability to control thoughts.

    The second one happened two days after smoking when i went to the rec center to lift weights. For some Reason i was in my 3rd lift and just started freaking out. I had to go sit on the john in the bathroom to gather my head for 10 minutes. I then ended up finishing a 2 and a half hour routine, but the little attack troubled me.

    The last one happened at the beginning of a road trip to South Dakota while listening to a george strait song in the truck. I didn't get super paranoid but, a high heart rate and feeling of nausia, it almost felt like someone might feel as a result of being caught in a serious phobia situation.

    I was with people all these times and controlled the attacks to the point where nothing was noticable, however, my mind seemed to be doing things involuntarily.

    Since then, I have functioned normally, However, i feel that my mind is not quite the same as it was before. I often feel tiny reminents of the paranoia and often psych myself out about the possibility that i may becoming insane and may have fucked up my mind permanently.

    I seem to have a harder time feeling joy, short term memory seems to be dulled a tad, and it seems like my ability to try to relate to feelings other people are talking about have diminished some.

    I've vowed to never smoke again, as i realize its not worth it for me, however, i almost feel like i'm screwed up permanently by way of some sort of brain/nerve damage i may have caused. I'm wandering if anyone can graciously help me to sort out what this last smoking experience has done to my mind and possibly some things to help get my mind back to normal state.

    Im mainly worried because i figured that the short term effects would have worn off by now, but some small but depressingly annoying damages seem to linger on.

    p.s. I have also noticed that some of the weird happenings and feelings seem to escalate when my heart rate goes up, such as a time today at the rec center and then later when i had a caffenaited pop and a cigarette.
  2. #2 Stoopid Toker, Jul 1, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2009
    tldr... i stopped at "i was also very drunk"... there ya go.

    edit: ok so i read it all... sounds like you may have gotten a legit problem from smoking.... maybe it triggered some sort of change in your mind, or brought out something dormant. You could just be psyching youself out though. If it troubles you for any longer maybe you should talk to someone... like a professional.
  3. Ya man. I bet the liquor helped your situation any. Mixing downers with downers isnt a very good idea. Even though I love sippin 40's smokin a blunt. Lol.

  4. Same...
  5. TLDR: standard answer to this kind of topic.... weed didnt "fuck up your mind" its all good you just need to smoke next time in a more chill atmosphere thats it of maybe you cant handle that good of shit
  6. If you enjoy smoking herb, maybe just try and smoke alone and see how it goes. Sometimes i really dont want to be around anyone when i toke up. Perhaps you carry the schizophrenic gene. I've had that sort of feeling before; like I'm going crazy or something, but for me, I believe it had to do with a guilty conscience/smoking too much.
  7. You do realize that you have become paranoid by being paranoid. Also, one smoking experience is not going to "fuck" your mind up. In fact smoking shouldn't ever mess someone up unless they already have mental conditions and continually smoke.

    One thing I must say is alcohol? Then smoking? When not an experienced smoker? How could you dissect the two?

    So here's what I'm going with. Your mind isn't damaged. Just your overall outlook on sensi. Maybe you're experience has made you more in touch with your subconscious. To delve into this however would take sessions. And I don't have a PhD. But seriously, have you considered that it wasn't the pot? But a greater issue that has been brought out by it?

    Cannabis doesn't damage your brain.
  8. Sounds psychosomatic to me, particularly because you are suffering panic attacks. It's a sort of vicious cycle: you feel a little funny, which is bound to happen during the week for no apparent reason, and you start to worry about that funny feeling. Then, because you're worrying about it, it becomes more noticeable, which makes you worry even more, until you've worked yourself up into a panic attack. The likelihood that you did damage which would cause chronic panic attacks with marijuana is unlikely. That being said, do not mix alcohol and marijuana. I'm sure you have been on prescription medications at some point in your life, and one of the biggest warnings is typically "Do not combine with alcohol". The same rule should be followed with ANY drug, do not combine it with any other drug. Alcohol is particularly bad, since it places stress on many different organ systems at once, and your body does not like that much stress.

    But enough with that, here is something you can try to make it go away, though it requires some mental fortitude. Since I'm assuming the panic attacks are psychosomatic, the first step is to become aware that you are working yourself up. When the panic attacks start, ignore them, tell yourself "This is nothing to worry about, I'm fine" and go on with what you're doing. Convince yourself, but don't dwell on it. The other thing is, a heightened heart rate would not likely induce panic attacks, which both lends more evidence to the theory that they are psychosomatic and gives you another method of control. Don't anticipate the onset of the panic attacks when you're heart rate is up, that will likely set you into that spiral of worry that leads to the attacks. Work out, be moved by music or movies, whatever it is that gets your heart pounding, and prove to yourself that they don't cause the attacks, they're all in you're head. I'm fairly certain that if you can just stop dwelling on these little attacks you will soon forget about them and they will go away. Not thinking about them is the most important thing, not being afraid of them is the second. Try this for a while, let us know if it works out. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. But above all else, if you are absolutely certain something is wrong, see a doctor. Trust doctors, they are there to help, don't lie about the cause, tell them everything, or else they won't be able to help you.
  9. No, you didn't fuck up your mind at all, the EXACT same experience happened to me too, smoked maybe 25 big hits with 2 friends, smoked about a fourth in around an hour. I was really fucked up, had a panic attack (first panic attack ever) while I was high, and kept getting panic attacks after.

    Go see a shrink, they'll prescribe some anti-anxiety medication, the anxiety/attacks will go away.
  10. The smoking part just probably triggered your Anxiety to a greater level. Thats what It did to me when I had my bad trip. I had panic attacks for like a week or two and then It was just the Anxiety I was dealing with.
  11. This statement is laughable. Anyone that is in this guys situation, smoking alone should be the last thing on their mind. That would just enhance the paranoia
  12. Sounds like you flipped BALLS for no reason. I'd consider maybe talking to a psychologist. Or at least a psychiatrist, get some meds in you.
  13. Ummm? Explain?

    Smoking alone is much more chill depending on the person. No need to condescend.
  14. Actually, considering how this guys problem isn't actually linked to WHEN he smokes, it kinda is a bad suggestion to 'smoke alone'.
  15. thanks, that was a very helpful reply. I do in fact feel like i am inducing feelings by working them up and freaking out...

    the main problem however is that i've never ever been someone who panics, gets worried, or even gets super excited, unless its something i find super exciting such as the time i sold my first website or made all state football and it was visible in the state capital newspaper.

    I know the typical response is "your just paranoid" but i think thats the problem. It seems like i've opened up some sort of ignited pessimism that has never been a part of my mind. Now, browsing online alot i see alot of similar cases.

    I don't understand how i could get high and feel so happy and seem to be able to clearly remember joyful times from childhood better than i can normally or just enjoy things more, and then afterward seem to be permanently pessimistic and unable to access some senses of appreciation about my natural environment such as appreciation for the smell of fresh cut grass.

    I think that my current plan right now is to get more engaged in brain stimulating activity such as reading novels and see if i can't re stimulate my imagination and brain functions that seem to be dull right now.

  16. also thanks for this post, it seems that i'm primarily dealing with some anxiety at this point that is affecting other thoughts. And its been about a month since the night of smoking.
  17. If you want to talk more let me know man. I can almost relate to what happened to you. Its been a month in a half since the incident happened to me.
  18. Dude i have the same thing happen to me when i get really fucked up. I have extreme paranoia which hangs around for about a week often with the odd panic attack or racing thoughts. Its been known to spark scitzo and other brain chemical imbalances. So now I actually keep to mids or smoke only a single bowl of chron.

    I feel i got it under hand.
    But listen dude there are a lot of people that will say its just you freaking out, but you are not, it can really fuck with your mind. Be carefull, test how much you can take without paranoia and stick with take, or better yet dont smoke and prevent any mental illness at all!
  19. If it's been a month since you smoked, your problems are not related to cannabis. Your issues are either psychosomatic, or they're not. Incase of the latter, you need to see a psychologist/doctor, not grasscity.
  20. Everybody has the capacity for paranoia and anxiety, it's not abnormal for you to be anxious. I would assume that since you've resorted to posting on a message board you have already read huge amounts of information about people with similar cases. This is the opposite of not dwelling on it, doing research may seem like educating yourself, but in reality you're likely working yourself up. This happens way more often than you think, I'm in the second year of my residency, and people come in all the time claiming they have some bizarre disease they read about on the internet, when in really it is something much more simple. This one woman came in with a rash which turned out to be Tinea Corporis which she had convinced herself was the start of Hansen's disease (leprosy) because she had read so many descriptions on the internet that she had convinced herself she had it. A friend of mine likes to say "When you hear hoofbeats, think horse, not zebra" (which I'm farily sure he stole from somewhere). Point is, the chances of you having done serious damage is very, very low, and continuous dwelling on it is very very bad. You may feel pessimistic all the time, but that is probably because in the back of your mind you're always worrying about this situation a little bit. Start distancing yourself from the issue and I'm willing to bet it will be remedied.
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