Father trying to influence my interests

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by hhbhagat1417, Aug 15, 2012.

  1. My dad and I have this relationship that is tense, but at the same time, relaxed. He knows that I smoke, and he actively tried to stop me. That is understandable. But one vibe I have always got from him is that I cannot show him any of my other real interests otherwise he would try and influence me to stop associating with it. For example I can't show him that I like rap, sexually or verbally explicit songs, or songs that talk about weed. I find it ridiculous that I can't be myself around him. An example of this is when I am the DJ for a long car ride. I have to manually select songs and I can't leave it on shuffle, or he'll find out and try and convince me to stop listening to "that kind of music". Given that fact that he wasn't exposed to this kind of music because he is from India, I would expect this reaction, but it's very unsettling.

    One time, he walked in on me watching Weeds(known for their gratuitously sprinkled sex scenes and content), I didn't watch where I was pausing, and it happened to pause on a nude scene (just boobs). He said "You can't watch this anymore" (something along those lines). I torrented the content, so he can't technically stop me from watching it, as I do with most movies I watch. I am 19, so how does he have the right to tell me that? He had a very reserved lifestyle, so I can't blame him for that, but he is very resistant to change. Where does he get the feeling that it is "inappropriate" for me to watch.

    Do any of you have any tips, suggestions, or stories to share?

    Thanks for reading. :)
     
  2. at least you have a father.
     
  3. Cultural influence...India is a tough country, their ethics, morals, and religious obligations usually outweigh that of a logical approach.

    It is only natural that he would see it as "Protecting" you, and you would view it opposite...You both come from very different cultures. My suggestion? Bear with it until you can move out, show him you can be successful, responsible, and have good judgement.

    All the while smoking weed, watching your sinnin' programs, and listenin' to your sinful music.:cool:
     
  4. I knew someone would say that, haha. But I understand where you're coming from
     
  5. In truth, this post was also a little about venting my problems. I don't have that many people to talk to, so this is my comfort place
     
  6. You need to get past that shit man.. you need to look outside the box and spend some real time with your dad. Who knows what he does for fun but spend a day or at least half with him, I'm sure you can go without a toke (just have some before haha) and I'm sure you aren't listening to rap or watching weeds 24/7, talk to him, learn about him more and be close, be a son. Do you know how disappointed he probably is and how much time he wants to be with you, I wish I could spend more time with my dad.. Even when your 19 man, you have this attitude and all of a sudden your dad is so old, even with my dad not even being 40 I get sad at the thought of him dying because he barely got to see me grow up and I barely got to spend any time with him..
    No matter how stubborn, negative, boring he is just go and be with him, he'll be a lot happier and tolerant. Ask him about his past and him growing up, best thing.
     
  7. You're 19 you can do what you want, if you're in the car with him get the pandora app (if you have a smart phone) then get the classic rock station and put it on that.
     
  8. Relate to him, do everything he says and try to start acting like a traditional young man youll make him sooo happy he willl eventually open up, if not you guys will still be good and the other things you do might not be as abad anymore. tough it out for a month and see how his way goes and if it opens up any new bridges bewtween you guys

    or use your indian magic words on him: sim sim sala bim !
     
  9. You're his son, he cares about you and wants you to have a good life. When he sees you watching shows like Weeds or listening to rap he most likely fears that you may take the wrong road in life. Cut him some slack, talk to him as an adult and try to see things from his perspective, it may bring you closer together. Don't forget that as long as you are in his house you owe him a certain amount of respect.....
     
  10. [quote name='"jmick"']You're his son, he cares about you and wants you to have a good life. When he sees you watching shows like Weeds or listening to rap he most likely fears that you may take the wrong road in life. Cut him some slack, talk to him as an adult and try to see things from his perspective, it may bring you closer together. Don't forget that as long as you are in his house you owe him a certain amount of respect.....[/quote]

    Yes, but that doesn't mean he has to try and change who I am or what I like. He doesn't know I like rap or listen to weed related artists like Kid Cudi. Hell, he doesn't even know who he is is, haha. As far as he knows, I listen to dubstep and electronic music, which I do.
     
  11. [quote name='"Jed Sanders 420"']Relate to him, do everything he says and try to start acting like a traditional young man youll make him sooo happy he willl eventually open up, if not you guys will still be good and the other things you do might not be as abad anymore. tough it out for a month and see how his way goes and if it opens up any new bridges bewtween you guys

    or use your indian magic words on him: sim sim sala bim ![/quote]

    Haha. Indian magic words. He hasn't tried to relate to me at all. We have a relationship where he is the omnipowerful president, and he sits on his high horse, giving me commands. I blame this on the fact that he didn't have a dad because he died from an operation when my dad was a toddler. He never got to know him, and never established or knew what a father-son relationship consisted of or its significance. His mom had to put him through school, and her parenting style was the same as my dad's is now. The omnipowerful president who has total control over everything. I despise my grandmother to this day (so does my mom) because of her controlling nature, and my dad grew to have this also. It's very sad, but at the same time frustrating that it has this negative impact on me.
     
  12. lol i often forget my Juicy J cd in my dads car when i take it to work, he is always like wtf man, how can you listen to this... (i almost always listen to juicy j on the way to work because it gets me ready to be in hell lol)

    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX5YzMhhAmw]Juicy J - Juicy J Can't - YouTube[/ame]

    just let it play and see what happens.

    too bad he wont blaze with you, its awesome to blaze your dad out on crazy good weed and see him get retarded lol
     
  13. [quote name='"Jumbo"']lol i often forget my Juicy J cd in my dads car when i take it to work, he is always like wtf man, how can you listen to this... (i almost always listen to juicy j on the way to work because it gets me ready to be in hell lol)

    Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX5YzMhhAmw

    just let it play and see what happens.

    too bad he wont blaze with you, its awesome to blaze your dad out on crazy good weed and see him get retarded lol[/quote]

    Blaze with me? I wish. I don't think weed is an option for him. He is averse to ANYTHING illegal just on the principle that it's illegal. For example, if weed wasn't illegal, he wouldn't give a shit that I smoked.
     
  14. Turn the tables around and start to influence your father.

    You should probably get a degree and a job first (if that's your plan).
     
  15. #15 Floydian, Aug 15, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
    .
     
  16. My dad is similar in that way. Like I've wanted to get a tattoo and he threatened to kick me out if I ever did. On the other hand he saw me smoke a cig Bout a few months ago and he didn't like that but he didn't trip out either considering it was the first time that he had seen me smoke. Well there is also a lot of stuff my dad dissaproves of me for. He hates that I pierced my ears and he almost kicked me out when he found out. He would rather I be a drug addict/ alcoholic than be gay.(he thinks pierced ears on a guy is considered gay I'm NOT gay I'm just using an example.)I'm just .he is a few decades behind and torys to control everything we do. Idk if I could say the same about your dad but I can say he is too controlling. Best thing you can do is just keep your stuff to yourself until you can move out.
     

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