Baylif- Do you swear to tell the whole truth, the absolute truth, and nothing but the truth? Peter- I do. You Bastard
hahaha, chris's evil monkey gettin stressed out..rollin the perfect spliff in chriss room.hes got skills at quick rolling.
(While playing Pac Man at the bar) Brian: Get, get the fruit. It's more points. Get the fruit. Stewie: I'm not gonna get the fruit. Brian: Get the fruit. Stewie: I'm not gonna...I can't get the fruit. Brian: Get the fruit. Stewie: I'm not gonna...I'm not gonna get the fruit there's a ghost right there! lol that was mad funny.
Peter: Me go to a PTA meeting what are you high? Lois: No I crashed hours ago... we are out of chips cookies and cheese-its (I think I got the munchies wrong but you get the idea)
I fuckin' love Family Guy! I'm repping everyone in this thread because the show is so awesome and spectacularly quotable. A story(i wonder if I'm getting know on GC for odd and sometimes random stories): I was once working as producer for a small theatre production company and I was sitting in the back row of the theatre during the dress rehearsal with the director of the show and artistic director for the company. It was just before the second act and we were stressed to the max because opening night was the next night and we weren't sure we were going to break even and have to pay for the show out of our own pockets. We started throwing Family Guy quotes around and one dude finally said, "Great. Now all I need is a midget with some gin." and we fuckin' lost it. We literally laughed for almost 10 minutes straight. The house lights went off and we kept laughing. The stage lights went on and we kept laughing. Two minutes went by with the stage manager and the actors waiting for us to stop laughing....and we kept laughing. The stage lights went off. The house lights went up. We kept laughing. The stage manager came out to see what the fuck was going. And, we kept laughing. Finally, we got it under control and the second act started. The show went off very well and laughing for several solid minutes without a break is a great way to relieve tension and feel a hell of a lot better. The show went off without a hitch and we made a modest profit.
Boo! I guess I can't go on a "I love everyone! Everyone is awesome! I'm repping everyone!" run because GC won't let me. Boo! Meh, I got a good half dozen or more posters before I got called on it.
Quagmire: "Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side." Woman (man voice) : "Sure." Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off! Wait a minute...pre-op or post-op?" Woman: "Pre-op." Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off!" Brian: So, uh, where's your good buddy James Woods? Peter: Eh, turns out he wasn't so good at catching stuff in his mouth. So where's your girlfriend? Brian: Same problem. Brian and Peter: Wooooaahh!! (They both laugh) Stewie (To CPR baby): Well, I can't believe we just did that. Hmm, umm...but you know that stuff about spending the day together tomorrow. Umm...I forgot actually I have a thing. But...uhh you know you have my email address so drop me a line and I'll have yours. And uhh...we'll take it from there Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did. Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on. (They all drink.) Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. (Quagmire and Cleveland drink.) Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom. (Only Quagmire drinks.) ****About 33 drinks later**** Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence. Quagmire: Oh God. (Quagmire takes a drink.) Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touch myself. Quagmire: Oh come on! (Quagmire drinks again.) Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics. Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.) (Lois is teaching Chris, Stewie and Meg and notices a note being passed.) Lois: Chris read that note. Chris: "I think Mrs. Griffin is hot." Lois: Go to your room! Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing? Peter: Oh yeah. and one of my favorite ones.... Brian: You're really going to take back donated presents on Christmas Eve? Peter: Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air contitioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the floor, so you'll have to compress your body to the size of an ordinary household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin. Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?
chris: thank god i finally get to spend some time away from that evil monkey.... monkey goes into chrises room to roll a fat J hahahahaaa o man lovin the show
The one where Brian does coke. Brian is doing lines in the wash room, then looks at himself in the mirror with coke all over his nose " Got milk ?" Lol
Quagmire:Hey there, sweetie. How old are you? <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o> Women: 16<o></o> Quagmire: 18? You're first<o></o> Women: Mom!<o></o> Quagmire: I like where this is going <o></o> <TABLE class=MsoNormalTable style="MARGIN: auto 6.75pt; mso-cellspacing: 1.5pt; mso-table-lspace: 9.0pt; mso-table-rspace: 9.0pt; mso-table-anchor-vertical: paragraph; mso-table-anchor-horizontal: margin; mso-table-left: left; mso-table-top: 17.9pt" cellPadding=0 align=left border=0><TBODY><TR style="mso-yfti-irow: 0; mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes"><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" vAlign=top><o> </o> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE> Giggidy, giddidy, giddidy
CHRIS: Dad, look at these little bananas. Peter: You smug little bastard! Lois: Chris, these are plantains. And there's nothing wrong with them. In fact, a lot of women prefer them to normal-size bananas. Because they're exotic and flavorful and very special. Peter: Sure, Lois. All the sorority girls are clamoring for the plantain section.
PETER: Lois? Go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung."<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o> Lois: Why?<o></o> PETER: Time's a factor, Lois.
Cheerleader 1: Uncool people are like animals. Cheerleader 2: Hey, you want to go feed the science club after school?
Brian: Who actually buys a novelty fire extinguisher anyways? Peter: I'll tell you who: someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his entire family into serious danger. That's who. (Peter and seven hookers are sitting in Cleveland's living room.) Cleveland: Okay Peter, that's it. You and five of those hookers get out! (Peter is at a job interview.) Interviewer: So, Peter, where do you see yourself in ten years? Peter (thinking): Don't say 'doing your wife,' don't say 'doing your wife.' Peter (out loud): Doing your.... ... (sees photo of interviewer and son) ... son? (Interviewer's shocked expression) Peter: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're already half a man, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even begin to measure.
lol from one of the newer ones..watching the price is right... Bob Barker: Alright now, let's start the bidding. Jennifer? How much do you bid on the dinette set? Jennifer: Uh...$675 Bob. Bob Barker: $675. Steven? Steven: $780. Bob Barker: $780. Tammy? Tammy: $781. Steven (to Tammy): Fuck you!