EXPECTATIONS and WANTS

to me, expectations form the cage that traps me and provided the light to guide me/that has guided me on my path.

american society expects me to be successful. american society expects me to be RICH, POWERFUL, GREEDY-- a consumer. american society expects me to go to college because i come from a white, middle-class family. american society expects me to not be a thinker, not be a questioner, to accept what is even though I KNOW it is not right. american society expects me to accept the wrongs that be because, after all, I am just one person and how can one person restructure the federal government?

my parents expected me to go to college, so i want to go to college, and i am. their expectations showed me why college is, in the scheme of things, my best bet. my parents expect me to be polite, so i am polite, and it only benefits me.

i expect myself to be a kind, caring, loving, person. i expect myself to experience the world--and i will. i expect myself to experience life, and ask myself "why not?" before saying "No."
'People' expect me to be the typical american person, expect me to stick around, to care about people other than myself. what if i dont care about people other than myself? what if i want to say goodbye, ill see ya when i see ya, and be gone? what if we have it alll wrong? (and i think we do.. this rat race of doing the same thing five days out of seven, for what end?)

i do not want to fail to meet expectations. i do not want to let people down. i want people to know i care about them. but i also want to escape. i also want to get fucking lost in the world and abandon this americanized life i live.

what do you do when your wants clash? when you want to say FUCK YOU WORLD for forcing my soul into this mold created through expectations.. but you still care about some of those who created these expectations and through caring about them, care about their expectations....




just had to get that out. if you have any questions, please ask.