I'm just thankful to be alive today op . I have bipolar,ptsd, and depression. Meditation works for me,but it took a while to be able to meditate . Hopefully everything works out for you .
Pain, suffering and depression/discomfort are helpful wake up signs trying to tell you something. Maybe you're not on the right path, and the pain will continue until change is considered. Do not shy away from the pain, as it can be trans-formative and lead you in the right direction. Numbing oneself with addictions or escapes only wastes time, which makes change later more difficult & builds up regret also.
I hear ya OP. I feel the same way about a lot of the BS. Haven't been officially diagnosed bipolar or anxious but I know I have both (heavy drinking doesn't help though)... I've started to plan a bicycle tour around America that I'm going to start soon to get away from the ties as much as I can. I plan on doing this rode 50 miles a day for as long as I can afford it. Unfortunately eventually I'll be pulled back in though...
I thought about making my way around the country for a year or two. But funds are a big part of what was keeping me here. And now as of three weeks ago, I have a child that my dumb ass brought into this shitty world. Kids are cute and fun and all, but I personally never wanted them, for these reasons specifically. But It'll always pull ya back in. The system is made so that you practically can't live without it.
Wise words my man. I definitely feel as if there's something more I'm meant to do. Just don't know what it is. And now I just feel more held back by my three week old son. It sounds shitty but just being brutally honest here. Like I said to DVB, I never wanted kids. I feel like this world we live in is sort of past the point of no return, and I never wanted to bring a new life into it. I had some plans to better myself and broaden my horizon, but now I feel as if I can't do those things. He's brought me some joy, as expected from having a child, but more so than not, I feel restrained now more than ever and it's created a sort of resentment that I feel is awful, but in a sort of way, justified. Now I just don't know what to do besides pushing through, trying to make up my mind on what to do. Part of me says stay. Be with the kid. No matter how ill of a father I see myself being, or how much loss I endure because of it. Then there's the other part of me, who is absolutely uncomfortable and unhappy; with my significant other, the child, and myself in a way. That part says I only have one life, and I can't live it for others. It says I should save the money and take off as I planned in the first place, not looking back. Knowing that she (SO) and the child will find someone that will love her, and raise him better than I ever could. I'm fucking stumped.
It's not just you, I feel the same way. I'm 31 and Suicide has been on my mind for quite sometime. Actually once I went to college after high school, after my first semester (which I quit and went to trade school) when I realized it was all a lie, everything that I had been taught and believed just wasn't true, or at the very least not what it was said to be. But I think suicide is the easy way out man, anyone can do that. Not everyone can get their shit together and keep on going. Now I just accept that people are sheep, blindly marching to the rhythm of the war drums, doing what they're told. I stepped off that path and haven't looked back, now I embrace the suck. I've come to accept that life is mostly suffering; mostly. There are those moments though, for me at least that have made it worth while. For instance when I saw my girlfriend for the first time in two days, and she was coming down the aisle to be my wife. The first time I got to hold my son; the first time I saw my dad hold my son. Watching him grow and doing my best to help him a long his path, teaching him how he should think, not what he should be thinking. Volunteering to help those less fortunate then myself. Giving back to the/my/our community when I am able. When a friend or acquaintance wakes up to realize that it's all a lie and joins me in my cynical disdain for society and pop culture. A glass of whiskey, a bowl of dank and a clear cool starry night that I'm alone with my thoughts. Writing; deep dark twisted tales, fantasy, poetry. You just have to find something important to you, that you value, hold it sacred. It only gets harder my friend, once the veil has been lifted you can never go back. Once you see the world for what it truly is, and people for what they really are, it's truly and deeply depressing.
Haha, yea man it's structured for dependence; but the thing is, it isn't all that bad if it weren't so exploited to people's advantage.. it is what it is and regardless of what world and generation were born to, were always going to be tied to what our past built for us. I was playing assassins creed last night and couldn't help but envy the freedom people had back then. Tougher living though... And congrats on the kid! I know a lot of people that said the same thing but now say it was the best thing to happen to them..
I agree with u completely and I don't know the answer to shit, simply because no one knows shit. We don't know why the fuck we are here, when/if jesus was born and whether there's a god. We don't know why some people who work 13 hours a day get paid less than a dollar, while others get paid more than 12 an hour for stupid shit (I'm sure u can think of what kind of stupid shit). Reality is no one knows better, most people are followers and not one person has shit figured out. My secret wish is for an alien invasion so it might give some purpose to my life and those of others that can't seem to enjoy being in this world. Nothing else interests me.
Man bottom line is no mAtter how bad you think you have it someone has it worse . I’ve had a shitty life I don’t let it decide my destiny .get a shrink if you can’t see the bigger picture not trying to be a dick but it really ain’t that serious . You can’t fit my shoes and I live every day with a smile on my face . Life ain’t bad ... merry Xmas Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum