Okay, I'm a 24 yr old chick. I've had pretty rough relationships. High school bf of 5 years, abusive physically and emotionally; 3 year bf just didn't like who I was; raped twice by ppl I thought were my friends; and lastly 1 year relationship just ended...dunno why. Too busy with music to tend to me. Ya know, I'm happy with myself. My mom thinks I'm cool. Tho I've had bad luck I still give it another try. But this time, I'm fucking pissed as to what is so wron with me. I'm not perfect. I get that. But now I'm just so hopeless. Feeling ugly, useless, worthless, and a piece of shit that'll never be loved. I'd like to know others passes experiences and ways to get through this. Is there hope? Should I just give up on the thought of ever having a loving relationship?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CDFC16ptx-0 Watch this video. It's 14 minutes long but it'll be the most valuable 14 minutes of your life so far. I promise. You will wake up tomorrow a new person.
Follow the 11th Commandment: "Get thee to therapy." You are most likely (pretty damned sure actually) dealing with some PTSD issues. You have severe trauma in your past which will continue to sabotage your life. Find a good therapist (preferably one that has dealt with sexual assault survivors) and start the healing process. I think we all know the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You say you're happy with yourself and then in the next paragraph say that you feel hopeless, ugly, useless and worthless. That is not a self-description of a person who is happy with him/herself. Whatever you're doing in your life isn't working. You need a professional to help you navigate the rough spots and give you some coping tools to guide you through the healing process. Please don't dismiss my advice. Despite what some people say, therapy does help with the right therapist and complete open honesty. A therapist is only as good as the information you give him/her. And don't give the line that you can't afford therapy. There are organizations that counsel sexual assault survivors free of charge. If you really want to turn your life around and stop being a victim then do something about it. Be proactive. Take back control of your life. There comes a time when the pain of the problem overcomes the pain of the solution. I think that time is now.
Stop dating fuckin assholes... The second someone is abusive to you LEAVE THEM. You're enabling people to treat you like shit. Find a NICE guy and he will treat you right.
Stop looking for love and let it find you. When you look for love, you're blinded by it and miss the signs that enable you to move on when something's wrong. If you're as worthless as you say, then you need to build your own worth before you're able to love someone instead of being infatuated with them. Try to find happiness within yourself. Then you can share it
There is hope for all of us OP, my closets experience to sexual contact was a handshake with a girl....... not even joking If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
take this time to find yourself and do you. go out and meet new people, change your hair, hangout with your friends, do crazy shit. if you become a happier person you wont be relient on your relationships in the future. youre not worthless, everyone in this world has some sort of purpose. you dont need to be loved by anyone but yourself. also i hope youre not thinking like this because of ur first bf. realize he was worthless of your love to do that to you. he was the one with the issues, but he took it out on you. make yourself strong in every way possible so that if a guy mistreats you in anyway or tries to take advantage of you, you can put your foot down and walk out the door. wish you luck <3 also single life is amazing, no stress, you can do whatever you want, its so liberating. so have fun !
Dude.. thats exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thanks for sharing that. Oh and, OP, my girlfriend has had some bad experiences in the past similar to yours, I'm the first guy thats treated her any good. Unfortunately a lot of dating is just trial and error, just have to keep trying until you find the right one and don't rosey tint anything.
Judging your self worth by the relationships you've had is a sign of insecurity. I'd work on you first before jumping into another relationship. The therapy suggestion may be a good one to checkout.
Understanding all replies ...but say that I didn't even look for love, it came to me*. At first I didn't even want to but that person proved himself to me. Just he changed from exactly what I wanted in a guy to something completely different. It's like even if a guy comes across that pursues me and is fantastic.. In the back of my head, they'll change eventually to something I didn't fall in love with. Therefor what's the purpose of even attempting a relationship when ppl can just change into the opposite. Oh and when ur ex actually fixes themselves to be a better person...but someone else gets to have them. It blows. How do u have any hope in humanity.
I hope this wasn't one of the men that sexually assaulted you. I don't know how you can think that a rapist is a better person. Instead of looking for answers on a cannabis website from complete strangers, why don't you call a crisis hotline and get some help. I know you couldn't possibly be happy with the vicious cycle you're trapped in. Only a crazy person would use the tragedies in their life to gain attention and sympathy. You can either take a step in the right direction and seek professional help or you can wallow in your misery. That choice is yours.