do you ever question your life? do you ever take a step back to try to take stock? do you ever wonder why? i ask this because i know there are ALOT of really quite determined people out there who lack this ability and say things like "I KNOW I'm always right" or "I KNOW I do the right thing, always". how can one understand what it is to be "Right" without ever being "wrong"? (i refrained from making this a poll in the interests of keeping it down to debate/discussion only)
i find myself looking around in my head for answers to alot of things. alot of times i wish i could go back to when i was a kid, and never start with this drug bullshit. weed is fun, but at the end of the day, i personally, think ive lost alot because of it. my circle of friends is narrow, my "drive" is gone, and I dont think Im nearly as funny as I used to be. i've made alot of choices, and you can never be too sure if what you did was right. but thats the way the world is, things happen, shit goes down, people change, and even the choice of whether you should go to the bathroom before you leave in the morning can alter the path for the rest of your life. those extra 30 seconds could have got you across the street before some crazed lunatic plows you down in there car eh?? ive also done alot of things that i know could have screwed over people just to get myself ahead. things like that gotta happen, its called self preservation. theres always regret in everything you do, somethings always gotta be sacrificed, just depends on what your priorities are.. hmmm... that was mindless drabble, hope you had fun or understood the point of anything i said.
I get lost in my head so I try not to use it too much, thinking too much leads me into depression. I try and think with my dick, no really I do, that way you dont get hurt. Because I get too attached to these fuckin girls I date and fall in love with a few of the jems out of the group and then BOOM!! ANOTHER FUCKIN BROKEN HEART, ANOTHER NIGHT OF TEARS. Thats when the alcohol comes in, i'm not an alcoholic. I'm a problem drinker because I do drink so much, but i'm not an alcoholic. Alcohol just seems to be such an effective pain killer.
self reflection is a bitch... i only really do it when im on drugs... but its nice sometimes... gives ya some real insightfull things to ponder...
If you don't look within you look without knowing what it is you seek Yeah, ever since i was a kid i've always been looking within and i discovered my within was clouded with what was around. I found my within was a reflection of my surroundings, my environment. I didn't like what i saw either, cause even livin' good isn't enough in an evil place, and you're forced to hurt others to not be hurt yourself, a constant struggle both within and on the outside. I searched the entire country for my real home and i found it. Now i live in peace in a peaceful place in harmonic coexistence with both nature and with society that is here. Every morning i wake up, smile, and start laughing because my life absolutely kicks ass and it's that way because i looked inside and saw what my vision of living well really means. Now i practice it everyday and live by my own will for the most part, or at least as much as possible in America. I am no longer a forced consumer, both physically and mentally. I don't have stuff like TV, microwave, or much of anything. no fast foods, products with extraneous packaging like individually wrapped cheese, and as a result i take out like 1/2 a small bag of trash every 2 weeks from my apartment. Before when i was lving in the real world (where i am now is not the real world) the only things you could do cost money and generated waste of some sort. All the land was owned by someone so ever where there was places not paved over by petrochemicals there was also a redneck with a shotgun waiting to shoot tresspassers. Everything was bought from wal-mart because there was one on damn near every corner and it was hard to find any other place to buy stuff. It was like living in a corporate prison bound not by bars, walls and chains, but by income, avaialbility of product, and by an artificially created state of being. There's something ya all gotta know, but nobody but yourself can tell you. when you find this thing life is completely different, you understand what happiness, contentment, peace and what life really means, as well as understand how to appreciate pain, sadness, and conflict for what it is, an experience in the broad spectrum of experiences that makes us all human. It's then you will relaize that although it never seemed so, you have a choice whether you want to live in a condition of positivity, negativity, or neutrality, that it's all you to decide. Peeeeace yo!!