Europe on Brink of 'Major Financial Collapse': Guggenheim CIO

Fuck Money.

 

It just seems to me that CNBC bring up the woes of Europe anytime they need to make the U.S. debt situation look better. I think as a whole, Europe is in better shape than the U.S. no matter what the talking heads on CNBC say.

 

If it's time for Europe to take the role of the less-priviliged in the world, so be it. We've been living lavishly at the expense of others for centuries. I'm prepared to pay the price.

PS: Fuck the Euro AND the European Union. I hope the EU will fall before our economy does.

 

Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is

SEWARD, NE-Claiming he wasn't afraid to let everyone in attendance know about "the real mess we're in," Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood's Corner Tavern about how absolutely fucked the U.S. economy actually is.

Bernanke, who sources confirmed was "totally sloshed," arrived at the drinking establishment at approximately 5:30 p.m., ensconced himself upon a bar stool, and consumed several bottles of Miller High Life and a half-dozen shots of whiskey while loudly proclaiming to any patron who would listen that the economic outlook was "pretty goddamned awful if you want the God's honest truth."

"Look, they don't want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad shit really is," said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke. "Mounting debt exacerbated-and not relieved-by unchecked consumption, spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for, like, a generation, man, I'm telling you."

Enlarge ImageA drunken Bernanke attempts to find the Aerosmith song "Back In The Saddle" on the bar jukebox.

"And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky-if we're lucky," continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while gesturing with his hands. "Of course, if everybody knew that, it would likely cripple financial markets across the entire fucking globe, even in various emerging economies with self- sustaining growth."

After launching into an extended 45-minute diatribe about shortsighted moves by "those bastards in Congress" that could potentially exacerbate the nation's already deeply troublesome budget imbalance, the Federal Reserve chairman reportedly bought a round of tequila shots for two customers he had just met who were seated on either side of him, announcing, "I love these guys."

Numerous bar patrons slowly nodded in agreement as Bernanke went on to suggest the United States could pass three or four more stimulus packages and "it wouldn't even matter."

"You think that's going to create long-term economic growth, let alone promote job creation?" Bernanke said. "We're way beyond that, my friend. There are no jobs, okay? There's nothing. I think that calls for another drink, don't you?"

While using beer bottles and pretzel sticks in an attempt to explain to the bartender the importance of infusing $650 billion into the bond market, the inebriated Fed chairman nearly fell off his stool and had to be held up by the patron sitting next to him.

Another bargoer confirmed Bernanke stood about 2 inches from her face and sprayed her with saliva, claiming inflation was going to "totally screw" consumer confidence and then asking if he could bum a smoke.

"Sure, we could hold down long-term interest rates and pursue a program of quantitative easing, but c'mon, we all know that's not going to make the slightest bit of difference when it comes to output, demand, or employment," Bernanke said before being told to "try to keep [his] voice down" by the bartender. "And trust me, with the value of the U.S. dollar in the toilet, import costs going through the roof, and numerous world governments unprepared for their own substantial debt burdens, shit's not looking too good for us abroad, either."

"God, I'm so wasted," added Bernanke, resting his head on the bar.

Later in the evening, Richard Kampman, a truck driver who was laid off in 2010, said Bernanke approached him in the men's restroom and attempted to strike up a conversation about various factors contributing to the current financial crisis.

"He stumbled up to the urinal and started mumbling on about the depressed housing sector or something," said Kampman, who claimed Bernanke had to use both hands on the wall to steady himself. "Then after a while he just sort of stopped and I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying."

"Then he puked all over the sink and the mirror," Kampman added.

Customers at the bar told reporters the "shitfaced" and disruptive Bernanke refused to pay for his drinks with U.S. currency, claiming it was "worthless." Witnesses also confirmed that near the end of the evening, Bernanke put money into the jukebox and selected Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing" to play five times in a row.

"This is what it's all about," said Bernanke, who reportedly danced alone in the middle of the dark tavern. "Fucking love this song."

onion news network

 

We all know this isn't real, right?

 

i say we switch to a new sort of green money...



renewable, easy to recycle, and no need for bankers...


sorta like this stuff used in the real old days......only better.

 

whaaaaaa??????
Nooooo, it has to be true!!!!!!!
It's post on da interwebz, and ebrytink awn da interwebz iz tru...

 

THAT, is fucking amazing. Sounds like something The Onion would write though....

 

No seriously though thats why I say Fuck Money.

I just spend it all when I get it. No point in saving it if it's going to be devalued...

 

It is, see very bottom of the article. I'm not witty enough to write something like that.

 

Ah, thanks. For some reason I read all of it except that one line Ha

 

U.S. debt downgraded, and stock indexes tank today. Shit I had sold out of my put positions on CMG on Friday, and the damn gold mining stocks don't do shit.

When will my ship come in?

 

lmao
do any of the writers at The Onion write comedy for a living elsewhere?
that was probably one of the funniest "news" stories I've read in a long time.

 

Buy the gold while you can bitches....

 

UPDATE 4-Italy delivers tough austerity measures | Reuters

Not only do Italians now owe more money to the ECB, their number of overall politicians shrinks because of it. Sounds fair and representative of the people to me.

Greece, now Italy, the domino effect is beginning to reveal itself.

 

xmas, to have the Italian budget balanced in 2013 is impressive, and it sounds all good for the Euro. The real problem is in the U.S. as there is no pressure nor political will to even getting close to a balanced budget.

We will see on Monday, but the U.S. dollar may take another hit, which could be good for equities, gold and the rest of the commodities.

 

American C E O: Alright boys - It's time to buy Europe... I mean, loan them billions of dollars...