Being back on the forum, on a daily basis, like i've been before, has been quite revealing. While I've read some fantastic posts, some possibly even by me (only going on reps and likes you understand) I still find myself saying things just because I can always find something to say, not necessarily because there's something I need to say. This happens less and less, but it still happens. It's like the difference between acting and reacting. Many good things can still come this way, so i'm not saying it's a big issue per se, but if i find myself going down this road, my ego starts to stir. What i say isn't meant to be my stance or my position. It's not my belief or even my point of view. It's just what i feel to say in any given moment. But if the ego is present, these things often provoke a similar response, and before i know it, i've become less conscious, and I'm involved in a conversation where i once again feel I'm expected to defend my position, make some point as if having an agenda, or deal with someone doing the same. I'm only able to see and experience things this way if it's something going on within me too. Obviously i'm free to choose what i say, and to whom i say it to, but if i'm saying too much (which is not all that difficult for me), and open to anybody, about anything, while this should be a good thing, it needs to be watched over. If i'm not vigilant, my ego can stir, and if i'm not careful, i can start to project something that is only a reflection of what it might otherwise be. I start to care less about what i say, about others, or how what i say affects them. In other words, i lose my connection. Once this goes, then it could even become a kind of dick waving contest - who's the best teacher, adept, wise one, had the most experience, all knowing, etc, and who's able to post the killer post. The final word. Who the fuck cares? Because if this happens, whatever i might say has lost something that it really needs. My ego will have got in the way again, and anything that's said through ego, even a spiritualised one, is nothing when compared to what can be said when connected to the source.
This post is spot on accurate in my eyes. I used to catch myself doing this all the time, getting involved in arguments and trying to project my views onto others. For what reason though? Lately I've just been trying to let things unfold in front of me while carry on the discussion with just myself, in my head. I've noticed I'm a lot more open minded when I'm going back and fourth with a subject in my mind then if I'm trying to type it out for someone, if that makes sense. Great post though.
It does. Have you thought about speaking those thoughts out loud into a recorder? Not only do you release them into the world so they feel different, more real, but, you get a record of what you come up with for later listening. Also, you might try revealing them in front of someone you trust, where you're giving the other space to get ideas out, rather than always being ready to jump in a gap. I speak a lot into a recorder. All kinds of things, ideas, whatever. I sometimes listen to them afterwards and find something new from what was said. I've shared some of these files, posted them on forums, even had somebody listen to what was recorded first, before having a conversation. Getting them out is an interesting way of seeing them come alive in a way that feeling in the head can't quite do.