dumbest thing you've done stoned

Tuesday night I went and sat in my car so I could listen to some music while I smoke a spliff, well turns out I left my keys in my car with the power still on and when I went to leave in the morning, Dead... I called my friend for a jump and explained the situation "You fucking pothead " "Yeeeeeeaaaaah I was fucking baked" She told one of our mutual friends that she had to come jump my car and he said "He must have been hiiiiigh as shit!" yup.

 

this happened recently. I was walking home with my friend after smoking a fat blunt and i was in the middle of the street. A cop turned onto to the street right where i was. My stoned ass jus stood there in the middle of the street staring at him until my friend told me to move.

 

spit water all over my froends carpet because he said the funniest shit.. one time at pacsun i was buying the illest dsc shirt and walked out of the store without even grabbing my bag! thank god the cashoer called me back hahah

 

When I was 15 I lived out in the country and there are farmers fields all around. Me and my friends smoked down on the edge of one, then hopped on the ATV and headed home. I think around at around 11 that night, we were all sitting on the edge of the woods looking into a field. I had one of my friends about 3 feet from me and the other one about 15 feet away. Idk what he was doing off alone but he started to pick up rocks and was throwing them at us. Now we were baked and I mean baked (did several bowl packs of Sour D. and fire kush, i know, i was a spoiled kid when it came to weed) and the loner boner friend started throwing rocks at us. Me and my friend closest to me took off in a dead sprint through the field because we seriously thought we were being attacked by someone. My friend that was throwing the rocks was kind of fat and really slow, but when we turned around he was about 5 feet from us. It was so scary and if anybody saw us they would have thought we were crazy cuz we were screaming the whole time. I miss times like that...

 

I Just Did This. I Was Just Finished Crapping And I Wiped My Butt , Then I Saw A Bug. So I Decided To Kill It. I Use The Paper To Kill The Bug And Smeered Shit All Over The Wall. Then The Fucking Bug Walked Away :$

 

I do that everyday lol

 

me and my 2 mates pre rolled 3 joints and went for a walk smoking them, we each holding onto a joint and smoke 1 then the other etc, we get to the 2nd joint, finish it and ask my friend to spark the 3rd joint, he says hes lost it, we walked around for half an hour looking for it... bearing in mind it was night time.. turns out it was behind my stupid friends ear!

 

Get arrested

 

So me, roommates, and homies where having a party at our campus dorm one night. We drank and smoked a lot of bud. Had some crazy times, even had a drunk as fuck group of saudi arabians come in and chill but they were too biligerent so we had to kick them out. So towards the end me and two other friends decided to go to Del Taco, leaving behind two passed out roommates, one because he was just drunk and another because was also high as fuck on loratab. When we got back we were still high as fuck and noticed there were cops at the dorm. Being paranoid, we decided to go to the parking lot of another apartment complex near by so we could eat our food. When we go back the cops were still there but we said fuck it and decided to pull into the parking lot anyways just as the cops were exiting the building. The cops looked at us, kept looking at us, although I suspect they were looking at me. We parked at the other end of the parking lot, got out, and noticed the cops were power walking towards us. So me and my friend decided to power walk fast to our apartment which was less than 25 yards away at that point we vaugly heard one of the cops say stop, we didn't listen. We ended up locking out the third friend that took us to del taco. While inside we were panicing and racing to hide our pipes, weed, and, my friend, his scale. I only had about a half gram of super orange haze left so I put hot sauce on it and downed it. During this, the cops were trying to bust down the door but couldn't because the doors are made of steel. Moments later, my friend flushed weed down the toilet I think, that's when the cops decided to break in through the window. I went out of my room and got pushed to the ground along with my other friend. They asked me where the weed was and if I flushed it down the toilet, for some dumb reason I decided to tell the cop I ate it. They found my pipe, and baggies with trace amounts of weed shake in them. They didn't find my friends scale, which he hid in the kitchen, because for some reason they didn't take the drug dog though there. They then breathalyzed us and before they did me they asked me if i drank, i didn't drink that much but thought it would still show up, so I told them I had maybe one beer. I ended up blowing a Zero. Five of us got arrested. One of my friends who got arrested had an uncle that's a cop. I'm half indian and half mexican, but I look more indian than mexican and apparently the cops were looking for this other indian kid that lived in the apartment across the hall way from us because he had sold some pot to a minor who then told his mom who then called the cops. I was charged with minor consumption of alcohol, possession of marijuana, paraphenilia, and tampering with evidence. My other friends got possession and alcohol charges, with the exeption of my one friend who we locked out he only got paraphernalia because he cooperated by asking him if they could go into the apartment to question him after we had locked them all out lol He also told them we had weed in our del taco bag which wasn't true but I don't blame him since I think he was scared and we all kinda fucked up that night. Jail sucked but there where some good people in there and i actually think everyone in there was in there because they were caught with drugs. I live in a small town in utah and not a lot of violent crimes get committed so the cops decide to give stoners a bad time.

 

Got ridiculously high and after hearing my friend tell me 'Bro lets take a break' I wanted to go badass and hit another bowl. So I did, and I ended up puking all over my basement floor at 2AM while my rents slept upstairs.

Then I had to clean it up.

 

Well this story is pretty disgusting so just a heads up, if you don't find wanna be potentially grossed out don't read it

So I was pretty fucked up late one night a few days ago. The day before I ate a subway buffalo chicken subway sandwich loaded with jalapenos, peppers, all the good stuff that gives you the shits the next day. Well earlier that day I had also eaten a few of those beefy 5 layers from Taco Bell and was out of town all day and pretty busy, so I hadn't taken a shit all day. Combine all these factors and my stomach was like a ticking time bomb.

I was skating back from my friends (and yeah I skate everywhere if it's local, no need to waste gas) which takes about 10 minutes. About midway home I could feel my stomach grumbling because I had to take a shit. There's a park near my house and I wanted to smoke a bowl there before I went home because : 1) once I'm at my house I'm too damn lazy to get back up a lot of the time 2) I was literally passing right by the place I was planning on smoking. So I decided to smoke a bowl real fast, but as many of you probably know, packing and smoking a bowl in the dark when you're intoxicated speedily isn't as easy as you might think. Well I smoked the bowl and proceeded about my way.

By the time I got home I really had to poo. It was pretty much the turtle peeking his head out of his shell syndrome going on. So I rush upstairs to my toilet, drop my pants and hunch over but I realized the seat was up so I can't sit. I was already in position and I could feel my poo coming so I was like fuck it, I'll just hunch down and shit while standing (seemed like a good idea at the time).

Well I let it go and I was expecting the sound of turd on water, but I heard a turn on porcelain sound instead. I guess my motor skills were off cause I wasn't anywhere as close to the toilet as I thought, and just ended up shitting down the front of the toilet (not on the bowl, on the outside too) and a lot of it landed on the tile of my bathroom. It fucking reeked, I dunno if you realize it but when your shit hits toilet and stinks, the water must at least serve as smell insulation to some degree

Yeah, not one of my prouder moments. I laughed my ass off for a good 10 minutes after I got over the smell and stupidity of what I just did