Dumbest thing you've done stoned ALONE?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Nathan, Sep 7, 2009.

  2. I was walking near the railway station with two different sandals on my feet . I think some people would have noticed
  3. So this one time when i was like 16..17 i was on my Back porch smoking some gnarly bud from a homemade bong and mid rip I see a raccoon chilling right two feet in front of me and I nearly paints my pants and jumped through the sliding screen door that I thought was open wrecked it and got up only to find that it was my mom's gray cat

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  4. Arrived in the garage absolutely confused. I could not figure out why I would 'arrive' in the garage. Also, a very secondary question was also 'what did I come here to do again' in the first place? The second question, however, was placed on the back burner till I figured out my 'arrival' quandary. I was completely lost! My stoner reasoning was akin to something like this: I'm high and my stash is in the garage. Yes, noted. How is it possible to be arriving here??? Ok, I came from the house, I get it, but how the heck do you arrive at your starting point? You can leave your starting point, yes, I still get it, but to arrive at a starting point was a bit too much for me. Right at this stage, I feel like that meme where someones really thinking hard and the maths numbers and formulas are floating around the place. I had completely lost my bearing in space and time and had temporarily lost reference to my life. My spacial awareness had passed out on some couch at the bottom of my spinal chord and I could not for the life of me figure out the intricacies of my 'arrival' at what was clearly my departure point. I decided to smoke some more while I mused on my rather alarming predicament. It became evident later that I must have left the garage by distraction. It all seems so silly now.
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  5. I don't even know where to begin lol... probably driving while at like a 7.

    (This was back in 2007-2008 before I had GPS or a smartphone btw).

    I was in Colorado Springs and ended up Driving to Denver (no joke lol ) and then eating pancakes at Denny's at 3am, I bought a homeless guy a pancake too and we hung out in the booth and just chilled lol.

    Then I looked at my flip phone and my parents had texted me like 10 times worrying about me and that freaked me out lol.

    So I called them back and was like I'm alive and on my way back.

    Didn't get home until like 6 A.M the next morning haha, just in time for school.

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  6. I've been marathoning the Office on Netflix when I'm high and one of these days I'm going to actually check, but when I'm high I get very convinced that every opening theme is a slightly different key.
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  7. I took a huge ass dab with my sister's bf. It was my first dab ever and he had some club shit, and he told me to get as much as I wanted knowing I'd take a huge ass dab so that way my sister wouldn't get mad at him for giving me a huge one because I got it for myself. It was about a quarter gram and my exact words were "fuck it, might as well make my first time count" and then I proceeded to fuck myself. I took down the whole thing and held it in because it didn't burn while it was goin down my throat, but little did I know, that shit hurts coming back out, so I couldn't stop coughing and we didn't have water with us. I ended up puking multiple times

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  8. Let a gay guy hold my dick while i took a piss.

    It was a party I was at and it was a daft forfeit game lol
  9. I drilled a hole in the top of the glove box and ran a hose from the windshield washer bottle. Fill the bottle with Jack Daniels and me and a buddy grab some cups and go for a test drive. Next thing I know, it's dark. My buddy is sleeping in his seat. There's a cop pecking on my window with his flashlight. We get out of the car and there are two more cops there. One of them has a bunch of stripes on his arm. My girlfriend shows up and takes us home. Next day we use her grandpa's truck to go get my toyota truck where we left it the night before. We grab a chain and she drives. We get to the end of a dead end street and there's my little truck, bottomed out, front wheels hanging off the edge of a cliff overlooking the waves washing up on the rocks waaaaaaay down there.
    To this day I'll never know how I lived to tell this story, about how I didn't go to jail.
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  10. power up two qb 288's as you look at them. just after a smoke sesh of some fine home grown jack herrer
  11. Traffic is light so I came home 10 min early. Normally I am home 20 min before the wife (who is not onboard with the whole turbo lettuce thing, so I still kinda hide it even though I get stupid enough to get caught now and then).
    Anyway, so I rub my hands together and says to myself: "You have 30 min, Go, go, go.."
    So in my 4th little toke I get a call from The Wife: 'Can you go and get some budgie seed from the shop on your way home'. I'm like: "Sure, no probs" - the buds haven't quite kicked in yet and the crazy petshop lady's shop is 3 min drive away, I can do it. I must have forgotten the fact that I was
    smoking a brand new stash, just picked up earlier that day during my cruise between clients.

    So I proceed to hop in the car hoping I get a small buzz soon because driving high is so much fun. Now I have quite a zoomy little car, a real nanna car that redlines at 7200, makes all the right noises, is quite exciting and does its best to make you believe this thing is faster than it is. It's fun, but .. well it's actually slow. Fast for what it is maybe, but slow overall. I love this car and I drive accordingly. An example being this exact day where I come to a speedy stop at the end of my street, right there as a cop goes past. I don't drive like this high so I think I'm not and I think to myself how ok everything is, besides I did come to a complete and legal stop, albeit in a sporty fashion.
    I follow the cop around the next corner where he pulls over and gets behind me. I'm still ok, I just behave and carry on. I'm super onto my indicating and speed limits and I'm driving like a grandpa boss. Then it dawns on me that my breath must reek of pot and if I do get pulled over I'm in deep shit. So I start fretting. I get an idea! I roll down all windows and start taking deep breaths to cycle out the bad smell from my lungs. That was stupid. Before I know it I'm hyperventilating and those 4 round little mini nugs make me go supernova right in front of this cop.
    It got worse, I come to a roundabout. I stop and really start focussing on the traffic. It's about 5 cars later when I realize I'm giving way to people that are not even near the roundabout. They aren't even entering it. They are still driving up to it. I'm screaming at my brain to fix this. I decide to hit a gap and just go. Thank God above the cop turned off at the next intersection. By now I'm singing my favorite hymn from jubilation. I'd like to say I came out of warp when 2 minutes later I'm pulling in to the pet shop very pleasantly buzzed.

    I must have hyperventilated in front of that cop because I remember for about a whole minute (which felt like about 19) what felt like an 8/10 oscillating to a 12/10 spike each time the mouse in my brain turned the wheel. As a rule, I don't drive with more than a 5. Anyway, I must have been at good old 6 by the time I'm cruising the shelves in this mini-warehouse-looking pet shop. Then my brain had to click into gear in sages because I was lost:
    Stage 1: Walk up and down the isles not knowing that you are even there.
    Stage 2: Wake up and Orientation
    Stage 3: Figure out what you want
    Stage 4: Start searching. Ok, in what must have been objectively a short time I could not for the life of me find budgie seed. So I proceed to ask the owners daughter (school kid) for help and she's like "Eh?"
    So we just stare at each other for a bit. Fortunately, the owner came from the back somewhere before it got awkward. From a shopping perspective, the transaction went quite smoothly, but I engaged in a very hearty discussion about pets and animals which is a topic I don't enjoy normally unless it's about a very cool cat on youtube or a bull terrier (current fad). Damn, I really want a bull terrier one day, but I digress;

    After all that talking I get in the car, some old dude gives me a cheery wave as I leave which really was sweet (I hope nothing was falling off the car) and I made it home. I was relieved to get home before the wife after all that. Anyway with every story comes a lesson for me.
    If you have to drive, take mints.
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  12. was baked with my ex-gf way back, and by the time she left my place I was burnt out and I didnt have anymore bud, but I had a hankering to smoke so I rolled up a huge rez ball. Then I went into my grinder to see if there was any kief to sprinkle on top of that black-gooey-gold, and my grinder ended up being full of dank flower. What a waste of time making a trash ball.
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  13. I smoked alone before school. Next thing I knew in first period I was pledging alligence to the analog clock in the front of my classroom:love-mj2:
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  14. I got a haul stuck in a parking garage at a state building. Had to flatten tired and drag it out with a tow truck. Cops came and searched it thinking I had it full of bombs or something.
  15. Renovating my bathroom so I only had the shut offs instead of a fuachet. So came time to clean out the bong. And I crack the shut off proceding to clean out the bong. Mid way throught the shut off opens more and 60 psi of water rips the bong out of my hand. Bong hits the floor and survives, along with everything getting soaked.

    I clamer to get the shut off closed but it's a shark bit fitting so the fitting turns as I'm trying to close the shut off... getting the bathroom a 360 shower. Lol.
  16. Well...one time a LONG time ago when I lived in San Diego, CA, I was high and went to a Jack-in-the-Box restaurant. For those who don't know they are a 24/7 drive through. They only close on Thanksgiving day and Christmas day and the food is fairly cheap so they are a favorite of stoners.

    I ordered my food by talking into the clown's mouth and then pulled forward to the window as instructed. She took my money and then closed the little window...that's when my stoned mind went into hyper overdrive paranoia...

    "...what's she doing back there that's taking so long!!!"

    "...something's up, I just KNOW it!!!"

    "...I KNOW she's stalling me and calling the police right now!!!"

    And I proceed to grab the gear shift to peel out of the drive through CONVINCED that she's calling the cops on me and then the little window opens back up and she hands me my food and thanks me...and I realize that the 20 minutes I THOUGHT I was sitting there was more like about 30 seconds and nothing was wrong at all...lol.
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  17. i've seen my friend go ocd crazy looking for his phone, and it was in his hand
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  18. I way overused a dab pen and then bused to my friends place. At the bus top there were two poles holding up the glass overhead. My brain thought it would be funny for me to maniacally run through them in figure 8's.
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  19. Oh man, so I arrive home from work and go through the motions.. the wrong motions because I found myself getting
    high before an appointment. Yous do that too? Like you're supposed to be opening the door and dumping your bags and checking on them pets, but instead, you're in the garage toking by mistake? Well, I found myself in the garage smoking pot when my forgotten appointment came early in the form of an insulation company looking to give a quote on insulating our abode. Out of the car steps a well-known church lady from way back. I was super high and forgot her name. I couldn't focus, most of my sensible answers were: 'I guess' or 'yeah, sure, maybe indeed'.. I never heard from her again. We still don't have any insulation.
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