Drinking jokes

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by DaWodin, Mar 4, 2002.

  1. Not exactly original but still funny

    A man walks into a bar and sits down, he looks really depressed. The bartender walks up to him and asks wuts wrong. The man says, "Last night I drank too much, went home and blew chunks." The bartender says, "That's nothing, people blow chunks all the time" The man replies, "This is different, my dog is named chunks"

    A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a large of money. The bartender comes over and the man asks him what the money is for. The bartender says, "That jar goes to whoever can knock that big guy over there (points) out cold with one punch." The man looks at the big guy and decides its not worth trying. He drinks a bit and calls the bartender over, asking him to repeat what he has to do win the money. The bartender says, "You have to knock that guy in the corner down with one punch, and give the old whore upstairs an orgasm." The man decides that it's too much to do so he keeps drinking. The man gets really drunk and calls the bartender over again to ask what he needs to do to win the money. The bartender says, "You have to knock over the big guy with one hit, give the old whore an orgasm and pull the tooth of the alligator out back." The man is super drunk so he decides to do it. He walks over to the big guy taps him on the sholder and when he turns around socks him in the face. The hit knocks the big guy out cold. Then the drunk guy walks out the back to where the alligator is. Several minutes later when he returns he is torn up and bleeding badly. The bartender looks at him in amazement. The drunk guy then asks, "Where's the whore that needs a tooth pulled?"

    Not exactly a drinking joke but still funny

    A man buys a parrot and takes it home. When he gets home the bird starts swearing like a sailor. He tries several things to get the bird to calm down but nothing works. He calls the Pet store and they say it's his problem and that he cant return the bird. The man is infuriated. He grabs the bird outta the cage and throws him in the freezer. The bird continues swearing even louder for a few seconds then suddenly stops. The man opens the door to see what happened and the bird hops out onto his hand and says, "I know I've been a nusiance and I apoligize." The man is quite taken back and is about to speak when the parrot says, "Can I ask one question?" The man says sure. So the parrot asks, "What did the turkey do?"

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