Hey everyone I've been living with my girlfriend for the past 4 years (we're both 24). I've told her before that I'd be down for having kids, but now she's been talking more about it, saying that she wants kids in a few years, I'm realizing that I don't want to be a father. I like to use my free time and money to enjoy myself, I don't think that's selfish. Kids are time-vampires. But, while I care a lot about my girlfriend, I think it's selfish to make her believe that kids are a comin' when I'll be planning a secret vasectomy. So what do you think guys? Wait until the holidays are over and then talk about my not-wanting kids and go from there? It's gonna suck but what can you do.
yea kids are not for everyone, you do need to have a talk with her. She may decide they are a pain in the ass too. I had one kid and wish she would have been a blow job instead. grew up to be a bitch like her mom.
let her know. it's better to not have kids than to feel forced to raise one and calling your daughter a bitch & comparing her to her mom ^ you must be such an amazing father. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Kids arnt for everyone. And last thing you want to do is bring a new born child into this world when u wont love it with all your heart. My older brother didnt want kids niether but when his beautifull daughter was born his heart changed and he ended up loving being a father. If you really do love this girl. Try to work things out. Talk things through and try to meet eachother half way. But if ur mind is really set on not having any kids. Sorry to say it but chances are shes gonna leave u. Some women really want that family image when they get older. And some are determined to make it happen.
Thanks for the advice folks. I'll talk with her sometime in a few months. No need to spoil the good times for now at least.
how could you not want kids?, yes they're hell when their 0-3 years old, but then they start to use their brains you can prepare them for life before high school does, and she said a couple of years relax.
Talking it through is the best thing you can do. Ask her if she has accomplished all she has wanted before starting a family? Are both your careers in a place where you are comfortable not only supporting yourself but supporting one maybe more children? You have to remember that having a child requires you to be responsible for that life and for the first 18 years of life they wont be able to pay for themselves and in most cases kids cant even support themselves until their early 20's. Are you willing to drop EVERYTHING for a child? If you are not ready tell her what you want to accomplish before having a child and figure that out for your self. If you have a child before you are ready you might be a neglectful parent and that can fuck up a lot of children psychologically. I actually recently lost a friend because he felt his family did not care about him. Also as Mill said... Why not try and convince her to adopt if she wants a child to 1) help a less fortunate infant/toddler and 2) not add to the rapidly growing population of the world.
My wife and I thought we didn't want any kids....20 years into our relationship we decided to....best thing we ever did...we have 2 sons, and when I look at them I see what life is all about...you live forever through your offspring...hard to describe, you just have to experience it...and not have them until you can afford them....and be mature enough yourself to give them a good upbringing...
Because kids are annoying? I'm an introvert, I NEED my fucking alone time. If I had a kid, I could kiss my alone time and social life good by. and my money.... I'd rather have a Porche 911 turbo than a baby, thanks. I spend a few weeks with my 9 year old cousin, she was a little princess and made me want to rip my hair out of my head. She drove me crazy, and now my mom's friend and her 3 year old are living with us, that kid drives me crazy to.
All my brothers and sisters have kids so I've spent quite a bit of time around them. There's 5 in total, oldest one jut turned 3. It is really cool seeing them grow up and learn things. But then again I'm not always around them so every time I see them they learn something new. But I honestly can't stand being around them. I get annoyed within like 30 minutes. My mom also babysits my sisters twins once or twice a week and holy fuck, the house it a mess when they leave, I just hear yelling, screaming and crying and you can't take your eyes off them for more than a minute. And like others said, the money you spend on them. I'd much rather spend it on things I want for myself. I fersur do not want them when I'm older.
Bro do you homie. If u don't want kids don't have any. There are to many people on this planet (7billion+) to be just having kids cuz ur girl wants them. Kids should be planned and expected. Just my two pennies Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum mobile app
Hate to break it to you but you're the definition of selfish. You really want to ride the wheels off this one huh? If you weren't selfish you'd tell her how you really felt straight up instead of sandbagging it until new years. Anything can "suck" depending how you look at it.
Why not talk about it before the holidays? Dragging it out isn't going to make it any better. But this could really effect your relationship. Could really hurt her. And these comments about kids being annoying- you guys sound kind of dumb lol. Of course OTHER peoples kids get on your nerves. Especially people you like who aren't parents and dont understand what its like having your own kids.. Is a completely different feeling when you have your own, that's the best love in the world. And its not something you can fully understand until you have your own. God sometines people who don't have kids get on my nerves with the dumb shit they say.
you'll want kids eventually. whether you're 28 or 38, you'll want kids. trust me. dont get a secret vasectomy lol.
IMO and in quite a few others opinions as well its more intelligent for us and the world to not have our own kids. To repeat what has been said 3 other times in this thread..... There are over 7 BILLION people on this world already that's 7,000,000,000+ people most population experts say that the earth has a max complicity of about 9-10 Billion and we are rapidly closing in on that number with over 150,000 births a day and just over 50,000 deaths we have more new life's starting on this world than ending..............Kind of disturbing to me. If us non-parents don't like and don't want children how is "dumb" of us to say we think they are annoying? Especially when we are the few who will not be adding to this staggering overpopulation problem. I'm not saying the OP should just not have a kid I'm saying that he should evaluate EVERYTHING before making a decision and he should talk it over with his girlfriend make sure your life's are exactly where you want. If you jump into having a kid now with will you be able to support them for 20+ years? Will you drop everything for them? Will you love them when they do stupid teenager shit or are you going to just yell? Do you know the developmental stages of life? All of these are important questions and when couples don't ask them selves ALL of the question's they become neglectful parents. Not only that but when asking yourself these questions keep emotion out of it because it is a "completely different feeling" as GreenEyedGoddess has said but emotions should not be part of such a major life decision.