I am 20 years old, live on my own, but my mother still calls me and tries to control me like if I was 15 years old. She will call me at 1am, and say "hey, I just drove by your house and saw that you weren't there, when are you going home? don't go home late, blablabla". She just tries to control every little aspect of my life. I try to tell her "mom, can you let me live my life? please let me be?" She'll say something like "I am just trying to guide you in the right direction, because you are still not capable of doing it yourself. You're only a kid, my son. I do it because I love you". Really? A kid who's 20 years old, has been living on his own for almost two years now, doesn't depend on you financially at all, goes to college, holds a full time job, and pays bills? (I dont tell her that, that's just what goes through my head) I really don't know what to do. She is really getting under my skin.
Sounds like you need to set up some boundaries. My first thought is that you let her in someway. If she calls you at 1am, I hope your ignoring the call - and seriously what the hell is she doing driving by your place that late. Its one thing to be respectful, its another thing entirely for her to treat you like an adult and hopefully give you the space and respect you deserve. While it may be hard, you might need to have that conversation with her, sound like she still sees you as her little baby.
Well, mom's house is a couple of blocks away from my place, so she happens to be "casually" driving by sometimes. Oh, and she talks to the lady who lives in the apartment across from mine. She asked her to "keep an eye on me". The other lady is old too, so God knows what she tells her, about my being out in my car for half an our, with foggy windows, lmao.
I'd keep ignoring those calls and insisting that you are more mature than she would like to think. Or you can slap that bitch with a restraining order and call it a day.
I just don't know how to let her know that Im a man. Im not a kid anymore. She always had a problem letting me grow up and giving me space. If she only knew that Ive been smoking weed since I was 13 years old. lol. I cant do a restraining order on mom. I couldnt disrespect my old lady, that's the thing.
hope this works out for you op.. regrettably, I don't even speak with one side of my family anymore because i couldn't deal with their controlling, hypocritical ways. sorry i don't have any advice for you..
This is what I dont want it to come down to. She's my mother, and I love her. I just want her to hop off my dick for a minute.
She's both controling and doesn't trust you like she should. If she trusted you, then she wouldn't have to consantly call you or drive by your house to make sure that you're doing ok, she should just let it go and not have to worry about it, cause you've been out of the house for 2 years, so why wouldn't you be alright? And tell her that its hard to hold a mature relationship with her if she treats you like a child. Good luck.
Dude my mom use to be this bad. She didn't consider me grown up because a week before 18 they drug tested me, and I failed. So they grounded me for a week, and my mom said growns up don't smoke pot, only failures do. Well after that week I was out in an apartment with my homie, and I had a policy at my apartment, and that was if you're a homie or anybody call before you come(because if they didn't call, and theres a knock on the door I know to hide my shit). Well my mom would always show up at the door, and I'd open it, and she'd see the bong on my table, and always get all pissy. She'd also call me to see what I was doing. Eventually I ignored her text, her visits, and her calls. And finally she backed the fuck off.
Don't be mean to her... She only does those things because she LOVES you, not because shes some "untrustworthy bitch" of some sort. She probably really misses you and stuff. Just nicely explain to her that you know she loves you but youre an adult and you need to start establishing your own life and you need some boundaries now. Im almost 20 and my mom was the same way, except she couldnt come to my house because i was 600 miles away at college lol, but I dunno she was just really sad and missed me. Thats how your mom is with you... your mom cant help it, thats just how parents are ya know? I guess we wont understand til we have kids of our own
does she know you blaze? if so..how does she take it? (if you dont mind me askin) if not, would you ever think about telling her about it? and..its a weird question..but is your mom a bit germophobic? its cause my step mom is supper germophobic and VERY controlling of my little brothers and sisters..she couldn't give 2 fucks about me..which is fine cause i dont care bout her either.. but if it comes to her kids..she'll take a bullet to the finger. like..when they were little, she didn't let them outside till they were like 2 2 and a half years old..i mean my dad and i snuck 'em out a few times..but yea lol different story. and like she doesn't let them eat from my plate/drink from my cup or even go into my room..so i dunno maybe a controlling factor is branched off of a germophobic behavior? or maybe its a trust with the outside world issue? i dunno.. whatever i said isn't meant to offend you in anyway just to say right now, i was just on a track which obvi lead to nowhere haha and btw..call me stupid..but wtf does OP mean?
well you see, when you hold back those words like that and jsut let them go through your head your giving her the feeling you need help. You gotta be the kinda person that would say those thoughts outloud to her and communicate your feelings to prove to her that your old enough. So probably wont leave you alone until then
Ignore her calls and if she asks why say because you need space, if she comes over for a visit then show her around if thats what she wants to see?(Hide paraphanalia) and ask her why she doesn't trust you still, and solve the problem from there
It took me a very long time to gain my parents trust back, i fucked up alot and they basically didnt want anything to do with me. it destroyed me because my parents were like my friends, not just parents. we were so close. i did everything, and finally they would talk to me again and started to trust me then they gave me complete freedom, they wouldnt call me as much, they wouldnt say "you've got to be home for 10" or something, and they didnt constantly question me about where i was/who i was with. (which drove us apart in the first place) basically what im saying is prove to them that your an adult (even though your doing all that stuff, paying bills etc) by talking to her and saying all that you said on here, i didnt see that as disrespectful at all, just telling her you can look after your self... sorry about that rant i'm abit blazed good luck with it op hope i helped.