Don't know how to date...

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Sunny Jim, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. sup blades

    So I've been single for about six months now and I've realized that I'm totally clueless about the whole dating thing. My last relationship was not very healthy...She was cute but shy and awkward like myself and we barely communicated for the year and a half we were dating. We only made it that long because we were afraid of being alone and neither of us thought we could do better. I've been on probably a dozen dates since and it usually goes the same way; I'll ask questions about her life to seem interested when in reality I'm terrified of appearing awkward and I rely on the girl I'm dating to be the spontaneous one and keep the convo flowing. I've been called aloof when in reality I just never know what to say. Chicks can think I'm a dick but really I'm just awkward. And it's super frustrating because I've blown my chances with some very cool girls by unintentionally sending out "cold" signals, when I'm actually interested but don't know what to say. Women like spontaneous, fun guys but that's not how I am. I'm wondering if anyone can offer any advice?
     
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  2. Have you tried one of those groups like MeetUp where people get together to do something like hiking or biking, there's other nonphysical exercise stuff too. Movie groups. All sorts of things to do.

    This might be nice because you'll have a shared interest which can help drum up conversation. Hope that helps! She's just as nervous as you are too. Good luck!
     
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  3. If you can't communicate with your words , let your body do the talking for you.

    Body language can tell a girl everything you're wanting to say without you saying a word. Keep your eyes locked on hers and occasionally smile when you notice her looking into yours. Give her an elevator eye or two during a conversation . Lick ur lips subtly while she speaks. Sit with good posture. Keep your attention focused. Getting more comfortable with your body language can help open up your vocal communication skills too.
     
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  4. Look let me break down the aspect of conversation .. the first level of conversation is intro .. as the date starts or on first sight .. compliment how good she looks which manifests into talkng about the stuff she has on ..then the next level is asking how her day went then if she says fine you ask her what she did all day .. after that tell her about your day even be
    humorous about stuff .. then discuss a plan about what you two want to do .. . Finally the outro .. talk about how much fun you had with her, ask her for the next date & ask her what she'll be doing for the week .. convos have to flow right but if you can cover the basic levels then you should be fine ..
     
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  5. This^ I never really got the hang of talking to women. Just be confident, don't hide your opinions< I used to have a hard time with this) Also a silence doesn't have to be uncomfortable. Girls like a comfortable silence.


    I am reknown for my manwhoring ways when single
     
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  6. Easy...the more you do it the better you get ..like toking or driving ..lol

    it does sound like you are not organized..so have a plan

    you need not stick to the plan, or script,

    but so long as you have some idea

    of what you want ..things should flow accordingly

    in most cases why dates fail is they are too long

    and fizzle out, due to the lack of shit to say, or care

    avoid that by again giving yourself a schedule or script

    good luck
     
  7. I had a guy tell me he joined Toastmasters so he could learn to talk to people. He really didn't know how to hold a conversation though. I think he had Aspergers.

    Have you not had relationships where you hold conversations back and forth?
    I think the idea of meetup.com is a great idea because you could watch and listen to other people, as well as join in the conversation when you felt comfortable.
     
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  8. Perhaps part of the issue is you're worried about what to say and it is reflected in your facial features or other non-verbal tells?

    Just relax and realize that the lady is likely also nervous and you're both humans seeking.
    :smoke:
     
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  9. Haha I don't have aspergers as far as I know. I can definitely hold a conversation, it's just that I've always had a small amount of social anxiety and it feels like that anxiety is greatly amplified in the context of relationships and dating. I just always feel like I'm "auditioning," even when I've known the other person for a long time. It's pretty frustrating.

    Anyway, given the fact that I have difficulty communicating I think the body language thing is important.
     
  10. Maybe you should consider medication for social anxiety. There are plenty of people who have it and take medication for it. My son in law takes one of the SSRI's He has a bad case of social anxiety. If you have insurance, it would be worth talking to a therapist about it.
     
  11. Just thought I'd throw some medication info out there. SSRI's might lessen your high. I used to take a rainbow of em to handle depression and had a bitch of a time getting a good buzz. And If your into other 'trippy' things, they won't work at all. I remember eating a 1/4 of some fungus with some buddies and nothing happening. I IMMEDIATELY threw them out. But if you need it, you need it.
     
  12. Try to find a girl that is into the same things as you, then the convo should flow like shit after a hot curry!


    Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum mobile app
     
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