I know anti-depressants either numb you out or give you a false euphoria, but I'm fuckin scared of taking them, I took wellbutrin to quit smoking (which is an antidepressant) and within a week I attempted suicide. I had no problems at the time, I wasn't depressed, I actually had a little more boost and was happier than usual but the idea of death kept creeping into my head (which it always has since I was 16, I still consider it daily) and then one day I just OD'd, no good reason, no real thought to the seriousness behind it, it was like I was just playing a game, I'm gonna take X amount of drug, and see if I die. Russian roulette. Well I did die, they had to hit me with narcan twice to bring me out of it. I'm just numb, I don't want a false sense of happiness, I just want to be able to feel all emotions. I want to be able to feel sad, in my head, not just a sinking feeling in my stomach, I want to feel happy, I just want to have a normal range of emotions. I once had them, they stopped around age 18. I can't be a sociopath. I had a gf for about 6 weeks, n for the first time in 4 years I actually started to like this girl and feel something. Well she's gone now, I'm looking at a picture of her, and nothing. I don't miss her, I don't feel rejected, it's like looking at the picture of a stranger. So is there some kinda pill that isn't gonna make me commit suicide or give me a false euphoria that will just let me feel normally? I'm guessing not, am I right? edit: Just wanted to add this in. I'm also semi-against taking psychiatric drugs, because the thought of it just makes me feel like a flawed human being, like theres something wrong with me, and I know there is, but I deny it and just think there has to be something going on, and if I figure it out then everything will go back to normal, that I'm really just fine and theres just something blocking it that isn't my brain not firing neurons correctly.
Yeah, I feel the same way, but I just ignore that emotion and don't let it get to my self-esteem. Its not something I did voluntarily, it was like a natural response for me.
Man, I feel the exact same way you do. I have pretty much all of your symptoms. I havent tried to commit suicide but I think about it and death A LOT. I'm on lexapro right now and I'm not really sad or anything but life is just kind of dull. I'm trying to learn how to take pleasure in really simple things. It takes EFFORT to really stop and see and feel whats going on around you. Most of the time my life seems like a gigantic blur. I know that doesnt really help you but if you feel like you need to take medicine (which i do), you should never let that get you down. Diabetics take insulin for their sickness, we, and millions of other people, take anti-depressants for ours. No big.
anti-depressants actually increase the risk of suicide. try to get off them if at all possible. to the OP: if you want to feel emotions, i'm afraid you'll have to get off pot, too. i've been a daily smoker for years and i've become very detached and emotionless over time. (heard this from a few friends, too) (this is actually something i like about weed, but since you want the opposite...)
Yeah diabetics take their insulin, but I see that as different, thats a disease in the body, What I see depression/whatever as is your brain is flawed by design. Most diseases are caused from external sources which is understandable, it's the "theres something wrong with me from inside" that fucks with me. I duno, fuck the world.
I'd like to stop you right there, because that's not exactly the case. When we start with a false premise we usually reach bad conclusions. So, let's change around our starting point. Anti-depressants have some side effects, for some people they are more extreme than others. You might have a terrible reaction to one anti-depressant, and the other has no side-effects at all. I think that's a better starting point, in large part because it's more hopeful. Instead of deciding "I'm either going to be a zombie or have a false emotion" before taking a pill, consider "Hey, this might help me out." Now, as for your other stuff, you've shared some important thoughts with us. We appreciate you sharing those thoughts, and when you feel some of the things you're feeling, the right thing to do is to share those thoughts. Also, it's clear to everybody that you've had a difficult time recently with some things, and struggled with difficult thoughts since you were a teen. That's very challenging, and not everybody understands what you're going through, which makes it even more challenging. However, we aren't therapists, nor are we medication experts. You might feel a lot better about yourself if you sat down and chatted with a therapist about some of these issues. A trained psychologist, to be specific. He might want you to see a psychiatrist to discuss medication issues. These people live their lives to help people, and are really trained experts in doing that. Wouldn't it be nice to have that sort of support? You've shared that you have apprehensions with taking drugs, and that's understandable. Maybe talking about that with a therapist would help as well? You might better understand why you have that objection, and that's never a bad thing. There is nothing wrong or bad with having a chemical imbalance in the brain. I take an anti-depressant for the same reason I take whey protein after a workout. My brain chemistry functions best, which means I function best, with some assistance to balance it out. My muscles function best, which means I function best, when I put enough protein in my body. You have some good questions, and I hope you can find some good answers. My advice is this: 1) Print your post 2) Take it with you when you meet with a therapist, because it expresses your thoughts, concerns and apprehensions well
I'd also like to reinforce that if you are feeling suicidal and are concerned that you might be a risk to yourself or others, please don't hesitate to call 911. It's the right thing to do. Additionaly, concerning medication, you've pointed out that you used the smoke cigarettes, and that you smoke marijuana. I presume you also drink alcohol, and like many people consume caffeine through soda or coffee. You might be self-medicating and not even realize it. You seem to have convinced yourself, somewhat, that taking certain kinds of medicine is wrong, or bad, or somehow a flaw. So I doubt there is anything I can say to convince you otherwise. But it might help you to keep in mind that the average adult goes through a significant depressed period at some point in their life (for a variety of reasons, including hormone fluctuations as we age can throw our brain chemistry off). At any given time a huge number of Americans are on some medicine to treat brain-chemistry issues. Many of them are treated only temporarily, for a period of time until they can more fully adjust to circumstances and/or explore issues in therapy. When I first entered therapy I was having terrible panic attacks because I was exploring with the therapist a lot of childhood abuse issues. And it was helpful for me to be on medication while I explored those issues. After we had reached closure, the medication wasn't necessary.
Sir Elliot completely summed up all I was going to add to this thread, so +rep to you, sir. Medications like these are not meant to be taken all the time, they are meant to be taken so that you can feel sane while you are working through your issues. The best way to do this is with a trained professional (hell, my psych told me today that he has been to counselling at various points in his life! This man is a psychologist and you'd think that he'd have the tools to deal with life's issues, but sometimes you need an outside observer to analyze the way you are thinking and feeling in order to find the root cause of this and a solution). There is a certain stigma associated with mental illnesses and imbalances and I think you (OP) are looking at it with this negative light. You need to change the way you think, and take time to indulge and enjoy life's simple pleasures as these are the ones that will bring you the most joy.
