Do I have to change who I am so that I could stop getting hurt?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Atem, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I care about people way to much and always end up getting fucked over with no fault of my own.

    When I say that I mean every girl I've tried to be friends with recently has shown interest in me when they should have known it wouldn't work out (dated my brother, I was seeing someone else, dated my best friend...) which fucked our friendship and then they stop talking to me.

    For the girls I actually would have wanted to be with, one, my best friend, that I was to scared to tell her how I feel about her tells me how much she likes me and that we'd be great together. Then all of a sudden changes her mind, says she isn't ready for a relationship and we should be friends, goes out with someone else and stops talking to me. Then I have this girl I went out with before but she broke up with me for being shy but still messaged me everyday, starts saying she loves me and wants to get back together, then when I ask her about it she says not now but in a month when we could see each other more and wants to talk the same way but she isn't talking to me as much and not in the same way.

    I've had so many friends come and go when it was convenient for them that its actually painful. I try to be as caring as possible (not invasive in the slightest I don't go after anyone I have my own life) and it's like people just take what they can and leave me.

    I've been trying to play this down and not think much of it for a year but honestly, you can only lose so many friends and ignore so many endings without closures for so long.

    I don't want to change who I am, I want to be able to trust and care about people instead of thinking people are fucked up and no one is worth it. I just can't understand why people can leave me so quickly as if their was nothing between us. At this point I barely even see anyone because they've pretty much all left me, just took whatever support, friendship, or love they needed and left. I know I'll meet new people when I go back to school in the fall or whatever but honestly, how can I expect anything to be different that it is now?
     
  2. As a female with a lot of guy friends there have been a lot that have asked me out and I've turned down. It was nothing against them, I just didn't want to ruin the friendship. Sometimes turning them down would ruin the friendship but I was always honest with them.

    Keep waiting. The right person will come you way. Girls are weird.
     
  3. But that's the thing, she was essentially asking me out, I never said I wanted a relationship or said I liked her.

    If I was the one who said I liked her and wanted a relationship I would understand completely but she initiated it and ended everything just as fast.

    The only thing I did was agree when she was saying that she knew she liked me and that we felt the same way about each other.
     
  4. Dude i used to be like this in a way

    And now, im truly a firm believer in if u dont want to be in my life, im not going to try to be in yours. Lost a lot of friends that way over the last few years, not all by choice, but u cant worry about what people especially girls say about u.

    Most girls in my area are literally nothing to wife up. All hoes, no values lol.

    This one girl on facebook, everyday its about her "haters", how shes gunna do her from now on, and a picture a day, same exact spot, same exact angle, tounge sticking out or kissy face everyday. Who cares what they say lol
     
  5. Hmm weird.
    Sounds like she's the one with the "problems".
    You seem just fine.
     
  6. I can completely relate, OP. I try not to worry about relationships nowadays... I wish it didn't have to be that way but after so many times of being put on the backburner, I got sick and tired of trying.

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  7. yes you do...i cared about girls...broke up with my ex (the only female i think is relevant enough to call a ex) so then i was depressed for a year...and dating other girls in that year...turned into an "asshole" but i just dont take women serious or care what they are talking about....dont force the change after you get hurt enough times itl come natural.
     
  8. You can't appear needy or desperate, this usually gets you stuck in the friend zone, also with being extremely nice. An example could be constant texting(sending a reply 1sec after receiving) that shows neediness and you have nothing else to do but text her all day. You have to show girls that you have a life and are surrounded by a social Circle of friends and she is not the only girl in your life. Another thing that I have learned that gets you stuck in the friend zone is if you dont tell her you are somewhat interested in her from the getcko, because she will see you more as a friend then a sexual partner if you don't.. Pm if your interested for more info
     
  9. Nothing wrong with changing yourself.. Change is good

    I used to be just like this..letting someone else control your emotions..it's not good..

    It's your life and only you should be the one at the throttle not a woman

    Take power and take back control..

    Actively seek a mate amongst girls who really aren't friends..and let them know your here for them..behave like an alpha not a douche
     
  10. Stop being a push over and you'll see massive improvement in your love life.
     
  11. OP, I recommend a large bowl, a stiff drink, sitting down and asking yourself. Who am I? What makes me happy? What do I want? What do I need? You are the only person who can answer that, and you're also the only one who can choose what to do about it. Can you be happy alone? Do you feel you require companionship? If so why? Is this run of bad luck because they don't want you, you don't want them, or they just aren't the people you DO want. Stare at a blank wall and think.
     
  12. And what makes you think I'm a push over? If someone walks out of my life I let them and I don't do things for people because they ask me to I do things for people because I want to.

    I don't act needy or desperate either, that's probably why I've never really had to ask a girl out and they've all came to me.

    With that being said I feel like too many people take me for granted and that hurts, feeling that way doesn't make you a pushover it makes you human.

    I'm writing a journal trying to talk myself through everything so I'll see how things go.

    I don't really need people assuming I'm the generic shy pushover guy that desperately hangs on to relationships because that isn't me in the slightest, however; there is a point when everything that's happened in your life, especially in such a short time and never experienced before, raises so many questions you can't answer that it depresses you.

    One of the problems is that the only thing that really makes me genuinely happy is making other people happy, I never expect anything in return whether its appreciation or approval. Its the point where you can't explain why people treat you the way they do that's bothering, nothing else.
     
  13. #14 Capsule Sun, Aug 2, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2012
    Sorry, but to me, that's exactly what you come off as. This post didn't help you either. You seem to just sit there and take things as they come, not really doing much about it and accepting them as they are. You can come up with as many excuses as you want to justify your actions or whatever... but hey, in the end, you've still really done nothing outside of the world in your head.

    You want something? Go get it. Be assertive, you're a man, make a claim to whats rightfully yours. Otherwise you'll always be that guy that everyone just breezes by, in your life for one second and gone the next.
     
  14. OK so here's the thing - if there's anything about yourself that you should change, and I think this is a universal thing, it's your self-confidence and self-esteem. In my 4 decades on the planet the one thing that I've come to understand is that confidence and self-esteem are the two biggest facts that make you attractive to another person. If you love yourself first and are confident about what you bring to the table and who you are, then you'll have the opposite sex FLOCK to you.

    It's a charisma thing. People who are ultra-successful in life generally aren't any smarter than the rest of us, they either have an overwhelming ambitious nature, OR they're supremely self-confident and have high self-esteem.

    If there's anything in this current generation that bothers me more it's the shyness, and social anxiety that increasing technology brings. Because we don't actually have to go out and talk to people face-to-face anymore we're losing those social skills, chiefly amongst them, the ability to just walk up to someone you think is attractive and start chatting them up.

    So, words to the wise, LOVE YOURSELF first, and get some self-esteem. Or start faking it really well.
     
  15. Well you're being extremely vague... What am I suppose to be going after?

    Everything that I've wanted in life I've gotten because I went after it, law school, a great build from working out, quit smoking and ever other bad habit ive had, and ive changed how everyone sees me to the point where I feel like a different person. At this point in my life I'm exactly the person who I've always wanted to be.

    The only thing I don't chase after is people because if someone leaves me for no fault of my own then I don't believe their worth the effort. Love is different and that girl called me this morning apologizing and I'm seeing her tomorrow so I'll see how that goes but at the end of the day I've gone after everything I've wanted.

    Could you be more specific? don't get me wrong I really appreciate the advice.
     
  16. Just stop being desperate. I used to be the same way. You look to every woman in youre life to be a possible chick you wanna date. But you aren't looking for women that YOU like, your looking for any woman who will like you. Just change that and you'll realize that any chick who doesn't wanna be with you isn't good enough anyways. Lot of fish in the sea dude...lots!
     
  17. Um..one other piece of advice - drop the Yugioh stuff. The only women THAT"s going to attract are not the ones you really want to have a relationship with.

    They might break the bed if you know what I mean
     

  18. I think you may need to reread the OP, I don't go after every girl I meet I'm very selective. Out of all the girls I've gone out with there were only 2 I wanted a relationship with, I turned the others down, even though I could understand why some of them even bothered asking due to the circumstances, and they stopped talking to me.

    Some things I can understand but others I can't. I don't know where people are reading I'm desperate from though.
     
  19. Oh yea because I'm trying to attract women on this website :laughing:

    I have a very good track record and that's being modest :p

    aha at least that made me laugh but kind of off topic from what I'm getting at here :)
     

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