My whole life I day dreamed. Since I was a kid I just liked to sit and think, I was a bad student who couldn’t focus. My whole life I’ve been terrible at school, memorization and learning new things because my mind is too loud and intrusive. When I’m drinking it gets pushed away, I become someone who I want to be. Outgoing, talkative, attentive, full of emotion and lively. I make tons of friends, meet new people. Weed makes me a louder thinker. My mind goes 50 miles a minute, it makes me enjoy typing stuff like this and think a little deeper, I like to invent stuff. That’s at the cost of being outgoing and social, I become very quiet, too busy with thinking I have a hard time focusing on talk. I feel very “introverted”. Only source of talking I want to have is with the pizza guy or Tim Hortons. Depending on what I do, I’m on two extreme ends. When sober, I’m closer to introverted but not as bad.
My thoughts fizzle away about as soon as I have them. It's like how dreams dissipate except when reminded I remember. It makes it hard to write because I have to keep reviewing what I'm saying to know what to write next. It started slowly about 3 years ago. I think. It could have been last year. I just re-read this paragraph about 5 times. Make that 7 times now.