so the other day i was smoking extremely fat. i cant really explain it but for about 15 minutes i became completely disconnected from my outside self. my mind was racing and i was trying not to trip about it too much because i was with two friends. i remember laying in a weird position and my friend laughed at me and i tried to explain why i was like that but completely failed. but my mind was thinkin what i wanted to say and sending the message but my mouth wouldnt say what i wanted. so then they just chilled and watched tv and i was just thinking. i started thinking about how other people feel at this moment and are they noticing how disconnected their inner and outter self are. and then i started thinking about how amazing it is that we as humans have a consience. other life may have a consience but its really humans who actually have mastered it and how sane it keeps us. we can say what our real self wants to say and somewhat vent those emotions. i dont know i cant really put in to words what i was thinking but thats the only time ive ever really had an experience like that where i was so deeply thinking while high.
you may say you were disconnected from yourself but it sounds like you were connected for a moment in time, only to think otherwise because you aren't so used to it.
I can see why you would think that you where experiencing a dissociation from yourself. To forget the senses constantly being beaten into your mind and live momentarily in the world given only to you. A thousand people are in a stadium, and everyone is a distinctly difference perception of reality. Quite fascinating if i may say so.
great post my friend. sometimes when i meditate, i get a strong feeling of "disconnection." ive found that the effects are considerably beneficial for both the mind, body and soul. and yes, the conscience is an amazing thing. i believe the disconnecting of the conscience is just as important as the connecting of the conscience.
So by inner self and outer self do you mean the self that is shown to others not by our own doing, and the self that we know intimately as our person? If not this explanation then I'd have to argue that there is only one self per person. (God, don't even start on the multiple personality) The way I read the OP's story, while I do not know your friends in the slightest, seemed to to be a distancing from your friends. You must've been real high to feel that distance and disconnection. This whole inner/outer self is starting to tickle me. There is the self you show others and that is shown that cannot be controlled, and there is the self that is almost entirely controllable through conscious action and thought. There is little control over the outer self (appearance, body language, etc) and that is why there is anxiety in our body's image, the picture that we show the world to be intimately us. The struggle is to balance the inner and the outer. We constantly try to show the world or friends our Inner Self, the true you. But things that other people judge (not by their own fault - the outer self) get in the way of understanding the Inner You. So this is one starting point of anxiety, self-consciousness (not self-awareness, but self-judgment). Many mental diseases probably stem from this one concept. Could you expand on your relationship with these friends you mentioned? Maybe we can get a better handle on things. ^ please refute or whatever, I feel like talking about this!
it took me a while to get used to that the first time it happened. i felt as though i couldnt really feel my body. it was weird. ive gotten used to it now tho.
We are all born at birth, intellectual geniuses - without any knowledge of the world. So as our knowledge increases - our intellectual ability increases and our purest truest forms of our beings lies silent, dormant and only seldom touched into, we seem to subconsiously seperate our normal selves from our true selves, we call this our souls. By the time we have memorised facts and the knowledge of our surroundings, we sort of brigde a gap between our true self - our truest being, and our consious self, our ability to keep strong connections between the two becomes harder through everyday life, when we truly connect the gap, the two become one, our truest self, that is the time when you are maximumly stoned and really high. You simply float- float above all mundane existance of everyday life, you disconnect. and you just drift.. you drift deep into another world. a whole nother avenue, a universe of pure complete thought and complete wonder. completenness and all knowing peace, your thoughts connect into one and for a short time your consienceness drifts out, and you're completely unaware of your natural senses, you just journey into a new world, a world you dont ever see everyday. This is our slice of heaven.
hey thanks for the awesome reply. i dont know it wasnt really like i couldnt control my outer self..i still could do things that i wanted but i would be thinking that i needed to act as much as my outer self as possible so at the time anything that i tried to do seemed to be extremely possible to complete because id have two conflicting ideas of what i was supposed to do. my relationship with my two friends..im kinda the newbie to them i guess. the girl has been smoking for about 4 years and the guy is a highschool dropout and all he does all day is have hella people over at his house and they smoke all day. im really close to the girl but the guy has an ignorance to him and we kinda get along..he thinks hes the most seasoned smoker and that hes better, in a sense, than everyone else. the girl and i are 17 and he is 18.
Yep, that's a way to look at an experience like this for sure. Buddhists definitely got a good grasp on the mind. To the OP- I would say instead of disconnecting with yourself, you actually connected with the only part of you that's real. It doesn't ignore the truth and everything it looks for it sees. It can actually be kinda scary on full blast if you don't know what to expect! Marijuana is very gentle in that aspect, it brings us like a mini-enlightenment. LOL